need quick advice

[Hopalong]

I sure get what you mean about the insomnia--too tired--more insomnia...cycle. Ugh.

That said (preaching to myself actually)--if you could FORCE the exercise for one week (maybe a week and a half?) ... you'd begin to sleep better, right?

I had denied myself the pleasure of being physically tired at night.

I went totally sedentary. Lost the connection to my body because my brain was depressed.

Sending you some hopeful thoughts...

Hops

[Ales2]

Running or exercise doesn't help at all with the insomnia unfortunately.

I think the real problem is productivity. I'm so ready to move on but I dont have the things I need to pour my energy into and its very frustrating.

Today started out good, but ended badly. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster all day. Only two more weeks and I am done with the study. I cant wait to get off this medication. Its awful. Glad I tried it, but clearly, my depression is situational its not the brain chemistry.

The monitor lined up a place for me to get medication and support when the study ends, and I'll collect the info just in case, but cant wait for the next two weeks to be over. Never again with the anti-d's. When I am done, I will post my thoughts from my journals on the "do anti'ds work?" thread.

Thanks everybody for supporting me during this study.

[Ales2]

5 more days and I am off this medication. The last couple of days have been awful - I'm completely depressed, and riddled with side effects. I've heard that getting off this stuff can be awful and I dont want to be on it one more day then I need to. I won't know until wednesday what it actually is since the study was a double blind test. Also, they may really have prescribed the wrong medication for me - the two medications  affect different brain chemicals and its possible I got the wrong one. We'll see.

I knew I was going to regret doing this study and I was right. I should listen to my intuition more often.

I dread the weekend, and cant wait to be free of this stuff.

[Ales2]

Boo. Read my first post and there it is - I was right - I wish I would have followed my intuition...

[sKePTiKal]

So, what happened, Ales? Do you know which medication yet?

[Hopalong]

I'm so sorry it hasn't helped you, Ales.

Do you know what type of depression you're diagnosed with?

You mentioned roller coaster, and because of what my D is going through (and what I've been reading), I was wondering about mood stabilizers (which she won't take...and which might not be at all appropriate for you anyway).

I really am so very sorry it hasn't helped...had such hopes for you.

love to you,
Hops

[Ales2]

Phoenix - not sure which medication yet - but my guess is Lexapro. There are two used in the study - lexapro and wellbutrin and although I dont know which medication they gave me just yet - my guess is lexapro because the side effects match more closely with lexapro.  I wont know a definitive answer until wednesday.

Hops - I barely qualified for the study and its for people with Major depressive disorder. They work very hard to screen out people who are bi-polar, so I'm confident that I was diagnosed properly. But now, I understand that lexapro affects serotonin and wellbutrin affects dopamine - so maybe I'm not taking the right medication to affect the right brain chemical. We'll see.

Sadly, this is what I expected (i.e anti-d's dont work)  and I guess I felt a little hopeful when the side effects kicked in, I thought it was working, but guess not. Funny thing is that on paper I seemed to have improved because I had some relief of some symptoms, but not the ones I needed the most.  I hope they dont consider me a success story because I'd have to say, uh, no, not really.

I will ask when I see them next if there is any chance it might still improve, but the study is ending, so I doubt it.

Thanks all for your support.

[sKePTiKal]

Huh. I took Welbutrin for a short time - it was supposed to help me stop smoking. I also suffered insomnia - and during the day, I could tell I was I tired; almost to the point of exhaustion... but the drug acted like methamphetimines on me - I was moving at warp speed all day.... oh yeah, and smoking twice as much as a consequence.

Dr. suggested I halve the dosage... but no relief for me, until I completely stopped the drug. So, later, when someone offered me lexapro... I took them back and decided the anxiety wasn't so bad compared to the roulette game of wondering how the drug would affect me... and I started therapy instead.

[Ales2]

thanks phoenix. i was hoping for a little manic energy, a little something to boost my productivity and eliminate the mental fog and fatigue. its didnt happen. i also completely lost my appetite but didnt lose any weight because i was still overeating out of emotional needs, so my mood was not improved enough.

i was thinking over the weekend it would be like taking a shower. remember those morning where you stumble out of bed not quite awake, kind of groggy, but take a nice shower with some aromatic soap, get the sleep out your eyes, brush your teeth and you feel like new, ready to take on the day? i guess that was the kind of feeling i was hoping for from anti-d's. alittle energy, a little clarity.  maybe its my expectation that is the problem, but i still have energy, productivity and procrastination problems. i did all the therapy i could at this point and i;m running out of options.

thanks for all the support.

[sKePTiKal]

Yes, I think I can relate to those expectations.

It's not just you, btw. There is no "quick fix"... but there are ways through to the "other side".

[Ales2]

 
This will be my last post on this subject. My participation in the study ended today. I left with mixed feelings. They regard me as a success story because it looks that way on paper, but I feel like anything but. 

My anxiety improved.
My insomnia is unchanged.
My mood (on paper) seems to have improved, but mostly, I don't feel any better.
My productivity/motivation is at an all time low, I have no interest in doing anything or finishing anything, besides basic household chores.
Side effects were minimal, mostly loss of appetite, but I was still overeating, so I did not lose any weight.

Meeting with Psychiatrist in charge of the study was good, but I was intimidated and did not ask the right questions.  It was revealed that I was in fact on Lexapro, just as I guessed. I was given a prescription for more meds, including a bigger does of Lexapro and could also take wellbutrin to deal with the low motivation. But, I have decided I am done with the anti-d's I have  a one week supply left, but will stop taking them tomorrow. There is no point in continuing.

Thanks to everyone again for your support.