Thanks guys.
I realize that I'm playing a broken record myself. Some part of me wishes there was super glue, record mending appliance, a new record to use. Problem with these sorts of problems is that not only does my mind speak a broken record track but my life is manifesting a broken record lifestyle. Its complicated and I don't know what the solution is, times in the past when I was doing better included me working hard and presenting myself like a physically fit and professionally together person and someone who had time and money left over to travel or whatever AND I was still broken even with all those things going on- underneath there were things bound to surface again I just didn't see it back then. I tried really hard to add so much positives on top of a broken thing. AND I went to therapy back then also.
I'm tired of people like the housing director and even the therapist insisting that I should come up with a solution.
I've seen this pattern with my brother, times of seeming like things are going relatively okay--and then an emotional dive into a crisis.
Not regular life ups and downs its different.
Maybe it's because all the problems growing up were always ignored. Mother always pretending like the worse events were not events. Narcissism is like psychological Valium maybe. I think my grandmother literally did take Valium. Thinking about the ways in which drugs and alcohol shape a persons interacting style.
What they don't understand is that my common version of a solution for myself is not a real solution at all and my problems will resurface again. I guess I should tell my therapist that. My solutions are very fragile because they are illusions.
Basically I have emotional problems or inadequacies that will "sabotage" whatever "success" I temporarily come up with.
