I must say before I read this thread, I thought I understand what co-dependency was. But now I'm a bit confused. My dad is completely Co-D in my opinion. His entire life is governed by my Nmom, has built no relationships with anyone else, will go along with whatever she wants and failed to protect any of his children from the N. He needs her to do everything for him and will not make a decision on his own. To me, that's Co-D.
However, there are some characteristics mentioned in this thread that I know I have and am wondering if that is true Co-D. For example, I know I desperately want to "matter". Because of that, I want some measure of acknowledgement, some "return" on all that I do. I am overly generous to people, perhaps out of a need for approval, for an indication of "interest in me". In my career, I have always gone above and beyond and, as a result, get used and taken advantage of...I am not able to set boundaries with employers for fear they will take away the part of my work I love.
But I tend to think if I were really Co-D, I wouldn't fight the Narcissism so hard. I would be like my dad and just go along and do so happily. I would succumb to whatever the N wanted, believed, felt....but I don't. That's why, perhaps, I didn't turn out to be an N like my GC sister. That is also why I am in such a bad emotional state. Instead, I succumbed to lifelong depression...perhaps that is acute grief??
So ultimately I'm left confused. I don't know what is Co-Dependency and what is just behavior of victims of N trying to make sense of it, trying to make things right. I know I struggle with that the most.....The ideal of "fairness" (between the GC and others), the idea that everyone's opinions should matter (not just the Ns). But isn't what the non-Co-D and non-N would feel?
Like others, I guess I don't understand where the line is----between true co-dependency and the normal strugles of a viction of Ns.
