Author Topic: Mindfulness and codependence thread  (Read 56047 times)

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #885 on: August 17, 2022, 09:58:43 PM »
If only Yelly Guy posts were works of fiction, mouse.

Pseudo Mouse

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2681
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #886 on: August 17, 2022, 10:33:15 PM »
If only Yelly Guy posts were works of fiction, mouse.

Hahaha. It's only from a distance though. Surely it's bothersome in person.

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #887 on: August 19, 2022, 09:32:25 PM »
The ED T called today while I was in VET partking lot with pug.  It was OK.... we're on a wait list....4 ahead of us.  I chose the best T with as many tools as I could get for processing trauma and all their T focus on eating disorders.

We can do family T and one on one sessions with T.  I have contact info for a support group I can attend and I will.  ACK. I actually experinced a shudder thinking about that... reminded me of the parent meetings and group therapy from wilderness program and therapeutic boarding school with dd21... Lordy.  Oher people's pain, on top of my own..... is just more pain. Maybe it will be different this time if I stay above their pain and don't fall into it with them. Will see.

My regular T appointment on Tues was crazy but super productive.  Lots of feeling faint while processing the legal trauma using AIT.  It was wave after wave, then,  at the end rising up from my stomach to the top of my head, then to my throat, then to my heart, then it ended where it began..... stomach and I think it's passed.  That was the last round... there were many and I should have kept my hands on 2 spots but kept moving the non stationary hand to where the pressure and discomfort was.....it was an amazing experience and I feel better for it.

The girls seem pretty steady right now.  Lots of laughter and business with joyful things.  The pug is super attached to me right now and I'm on top of all her care.  She sleeps with dd21 about 2 out of 20 times.  When I get up in the morning, the Pug is glued to my ankle...moving with me as I move.... like a shadow. 

It's an odd thing to have a little sentient bat faced being in the house, moving around at will, sometimes making demands and stretching for attention.... so cute.  So dependent.  So very lovely.  We enjoy her so much and can't imagine our lives without her.


lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #888 on: August 21, 2022, 10:37:11 AM »
DD20 says there will be a pug shaped hole in our lives when the pug is gone.

She says we'll need to get another dog. 

Does anyone here know anything about A COURSE IN MIRACLES?

I ordered a book and haven't felt enough interest to dive in.

Lighter

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13963
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #889 on: August 21, 2022, 01:02:47 PM »
A little sentient, bat-faced being...what a wonderful descriptor. I always feel sad about bradycephalic pooches-for-profit but pugs are rattlingly adorable. Before I learned more about dog breeding I yearned for a French bulldog. Actually looked up "funniest dogs" because I so wanted a dog that would make me laugh. So I enjoy your descriptions of your funny, enchanting little sentient bat-face!

My Pooch is fairly humorless, but her life was very taxing. Sometimes she does make me laugh, in the way that giving side-eye while ignoring my comic monologues just makes me try harder. And then her tail starts going and I'm filled with joy to see it.

My ex-H had a Course in Miracles phase, as did a few friends. He also was a true believer in the Urantia Book (do Google it) for years. Personally, I'm repulsed by "revealed secret sauce" spiritual texts. I reject anything written in human language that purports to explain the spiritual authoritatively. I believe transdendence is innate to the human experience and humility and love the only gateways. Oh, plus I loathe stuff that's supposedly been "channeled." Went to visit a "channeler" in Va. Beach once years ago and rolled my eyes so hard I had to pick them up off the sidewalk on the way out. (I was very polite to everyone, however.)

All I can say is look for the origin stories of books/groups/movements like that, and pay close attention to the money trails.

And this is a wiser overview than my own.
https://matthewremski.medium.com/why-a-course-in-miracles-is-not-good-for-you-or-those-you-love-e36d26ddadda

hugs
Hops
« Last Edit: August 21, 2022, 07:11:38 PM by Hopalong »
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #890 on: August 21, 2022, 10:03:19 PM »
Thanks for that link, Hops:

I'm enjoying the TV series CHOSEN very much.   My interpretation of Jesus healing people is....... his reflecting their divinity back to them....the peope heal themselves. 

I can't imagine belonging to a group who believe their way of believing is the ONLY way.   I like to pick up wisdom from all different people and faiths.  It's all the same to me..... no matter what people want to call it....it's all one source, IMO.

Lighter

Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13963
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #891 on: August 21, 2022, 11:09:03 PM »
Sounds wise and eclectic to me, Lighter.
I often think I'm a Cafeteritarian.
UUism allows room for that, mostly.

I have allergies to some religious things though, for sure.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #892 on: August 23, 2022, 08:04:26 PM »
Today's T session was rather flat...... I think all the work we've done lead to my figuring out the parts and peices of the things we worked on.....and I saw my ASPD h as a human being.... a wounded child...... a desperate person lashing out wildly, destroying his own life as he took me down with him and our children...... and ASPD didn't think he had choices.  That just taken the emotional charge to zero without actually processing the things I used to be overwhelmed and triggered by.... the work we've been doing sort of worked on it while I wasn't aware. 

Even a particular moment with my MIL..... her big horsey guffawing laugh at the courthouse after I'd been railroaded into making yet another deal..... brought up ZERO emotional charge and I think I was shocked.  That big horsey laugh seemed like it would live in my mind... seem SO CLOSE.... in my face, for the rest of my life, but it's not.
Just gone and it was such a relief to have half our time left to mentally thrash about to identify.....
and you're going to appreciate this Hops.....
my identifying my NEED to be heard and understood (BECAUSE imo I have good intentions and want to at least be seen and heard and feel I'm understood for the facts I'm presenting) when maybe I'm not being heard and shouldn't be offering an opinion not asked for or it's just not my place to do the work of someone who's refusing to do what I feel they would insist I DO for myself in their position.  It complicates things when it involves serious medical issues, bc a patient absolutely needs an advocate in the system to help them understand when they can't hear and have information fed to them when they need it to make big decisions. 

This also ties into not feeling I had a voice in my FOO.  And true or no..... it's going to be dealt with next week. 

This brought up the brain surgery my father had that ruined his life... just dropped him in his tracks when I TOLD him it would bc I did dad's due diligence FOR HIM, but T said that's a rabbit hole........

And.... it's not about the surgery.... it's about my needing to control an outcome and control the flow of life changing information before it's too late, but then..... I end up the one being controlled, which is the definition of choosing to suffer.

So, today I had a check in with the distance and spaciousness we've created in the T's office, in my life generally, along with identifying a large blind spot so it's processed out next week.

I wonder what it will feel like to see someone running toward a cliff and my only response....

"let me know how that works out for you" being the only thing I have to say...... and feeling peace around it.  I don't understand how that will work itself out of my limbic system, but I believe I can do it.

When I think about running toward a cliff..... and all the times I HAVE done it..... was committed to it...... regardless of wise words from people who had my best interst in mind...... I see this from a different POV.   Maybe nothing would have stopped me and maybe no one should have tried.  Maybe someone insisting their very good set of facts be heard and acknowledged would be the wrong thing for them to do.... maybe I would hate it.

On the other hand, I tend to think I'd LIKE to hear the thick and the wrong of things I'm running toward.  I don't like to hear people say things they noticed BEFORE I ran off the cliff, but didn't say.  I wonder why in the world they didn't just say it..... I guess bc I likely WOULD have said something, but then.....
I have time to think about this before next weeks session.

I think this touches so many things in my life.  I think it will be a relief and restored freedom I can't quite puzzle out for myself,but trust will come.

Lighter



 


Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13963
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #893 on: August 23, 2022, 09:12:26 PM »
WHOO.

Deep work and epiphanies.
I understood what you were describing, Lighter.

I'm sorry no one was able to catch you before you plunged.

But you've climbed back up to the top of the cliff, one handhold at a time.
That's something to build on, for the rest of your life. You did that.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #894 on: September 17, 2022, 06:59:35 PM »
The last T appt T asked what I was thinking. 

I had planned to deal with a particular "problem" that had resolved, which seems to be happening more and more outside her office.

T felt we could go 3 or 4 weeks between visits..... and it felt right.

I'm not eating very well and that's OK.  That will resolve too: )

Lighter




lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #895 on: September 25, 2022, 01:11:44 PM »
Learning to put things down and let them be is a skill I've been working on.

As I process the yard stuff.....
I think I can just put that down and let it BE.

I don't have to do anything, really.... but what I've always done, bc it made sense and still makes sense TO ME.



Hopalong

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13963
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #896 on: October 04, 2022, 12:33:39 PM »
You feeling better, eating better, Lighter?

I didn't know if eating better means eating-closer-to-an-extremely-specific-diet, or just eating more to be healthy, in a not-disordered way?

I don't know what that struggle is like but I sense it's extremely difficult. Mine is just "eat food, not too much, mostly plants" advice...Michael Pollan, was it?

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #897 on: October 05, 2022, 03:15:35 PM »
I'm eating many fewer inflammatory foods, Hops.

Really craving, so cooking, Vietnamese foods.  Enjoying crunchy lettuce with everything with chili peppers and Thai basil, yum.


Twoapenny

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 4728
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #898 on: October 07, 2022, 12:56:49 PM »
The cooking sounds like therapy Lighter, delicious :) xx

lighter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 8639
Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #899 on: October 07, 2022, 05:23:29 PM »
Oh..... one triple batch of Cha Gio later and we're planning another triple batch with similar ingredients now.

So.

Good.

And washing a bunch of lettuces ahead makes eating greens a pleasure again.  I'm sick of those clam shell pre cleaned greens. 

I'm making a big batch of Sichuan dry fried green beens...... another really yummy dish we snarf down fast.