What is the point of this board again?

[d'smom]

mud-
im really sorry but for some reason, whenever i try to login here, my computer crashes. i guess it has to do with something about the program that runs this board or something...... im not sure what to do about that...  either way - i cant login.. i cant even re-register with a different name. ive tried lots of times. it only lets me on here as guest.

i will keep trying and hopefully i can get your message.

ps dogbit  - it isnt discussions that bum me out. i love discussions, especially lively thought provoking ones. i enjoy exploring intellectual disagreement. i respect and enjoy differences when they are respectfully presented.   its discussions that get sidetracked, drowned in hyperbole, crippled by participants making everything personal, and disintegrating into personal assault that i cant take. thats why usually i keep my politics under my hat.   ive seen it enough times. we could use it as an exercise here to learn how to be better communicators. maybe we will. that would be great. but, i doubt it.

[Plucky]

dr. g, could you possibly consider opening a safe place where socially aware minority abuse survivors can feel at home and free to express their plight with narcissism....African-Americans are still quite misunderstood.  is it possible for an african-american to enter any benign discussion without provoking political/racial/social discord.  i see now, even in the anonymity of cyber space, one cannot

Tiffany I agree there are some racial and social issues of all types that a lot of people on this board cannot get to (me too!  you too!).  If you feel you are being 80% understood I think that is about average and not bad.  No one up here feels completely understood.  I think our strength is in staying together, not in further segregating ourselves into smaller groups hoping for 100% harmony.  I don't think the African American community is completely homogeneous either.    That's what makes you, you, and me, me, and that's what makes the world go around!
Both you and mudpup are trying the very same response to the conflict.  Withdrawal.  Both of you, just come back and sit down and work through it.
Plucky

[plucky as guest]

one more trigger:
being told your own misery is all your own fault.

[vunil]

I sorta said this before, but I think we are doing fine.  I think communication is happening, we are mostly on the same page on the medium issues and on the BIG issue we are all exactly in the same place (we feel horrible for the victims and wish this hadn't happened).  More detailed stuff the reflects political sensibilities, well, so what? We aren't going to all agree on that and I'm cool with it.

In fact, reading the thread, it's kind of sweet how folks venture forth with their viewpoint, then wonder if they were too harsh, then apologize,then venture forth again in a different way.  It all belies a real sense of ... not sure the right word her... a sense of trying.  And I can feel what people are trying for, what I'm trying for, in some visceral way that is really touching to me, and personal.  I am not sure how to express it, but it is something about wanting to find that balance between having a voice (which sometimes wants to shout something specific and perhaps offensive to someone else) and having connections with these folks we care about.  It is high-level stuff, nothing to berate ourselves about.

Dunno.  But in the early morning right now it is all looking hopeful and fine, not like a donneybrook (great word) like it did before. 

Thanks, everyone.  This list is priceless to me.

[Sela]

Hi all:

Mud wrote:

Had some news today of a personal nature that makes all this pretty irrelevant and unimportant to me, so forget everything I said and carry on as before.

Dear Mud, news that makes all this pretty irrelevant/unimportant sounds like pretty serious news.  I'm so sorry.  I hope you will be ok.  Please reach out here for support as needed.  I will pray for you.

Amethyst wrote:

I don't think that it is insulting to tell someone that you believe their perceptions are incorrect and offer proof as to why you believe so.

Some people may find it insulting to be told their perceptions are incorrect.  Not everyone will be interested in the proof or find the proof as solid as the prover.

Tif:  You're not the first person on earth to react/say stuff that you may regret but you are certainly admirable for appologizing with sincerity.  Thanks for including me in your list of the wise.    That's a very nice compliment that can easily be argued.  However, thankyou for it.  Please stay (and give me more compliments.... just kidding, I swear!)

Portia wrote:

Sela, hiya, good to see you, hope you had a good break. Welcome back.

Thanks P.  Good to see you too!  Had a marvelous time at our cabin up north.  I feel guilty for enjoying myself (anyone else???).

d'smom wrote:

i think theres somethig else going on.

So do I and I think it might be very serious.

Mud wrote:

PS. Has anybody been stupid enough to have to ask to have their own thread locked before?

Well, now that you mention it.....nope.  But you may have started a popular new trend???
You always make me smile Muddy.  Thankyou  for that!

(((((((((((((all)))))))))))

Sela

[mudpuppy]

D's mom,

I had to break my promise not to post here again to tell you that I sent my PM to your e-mail address.

mud

[Sela]

Mud:

I hope you will keep breaking that promise and post here and not lock yourself out of anything.

What can we do to help you right now?  Please ask.

Sela

[vunil]

Some people may find it insulting to be told their perceptions are incorrect.  Not everyone will be interested in the proof or find the proof as solid as the prover.

This is a big personality difference, I think.  Some folks on this board are in jobs (e.g., academia) where we just love to spend all day batting evidence about.  I think for other people it is just like a steamroller in the middle of the conversation to have someone (like me) suddenly spewing forth this and that piece of evidence for my posiiton.  I am looking for them to do the same thing back, with evidence for their position.  But I see now it doesn't seem like that-- it seems like an attack.  And maybe they don't want to list a bunch of evidence for their position-- that kind of argumentation doesn't interest them.

Am I right that people differ on this??

Helpful to know! 

[Sela]

You know what Vunil?  I think you've nailed it.

It probably is just a matter of thinking patterns/ways of expressing stuff/and......the biggie.....

reactions.

We all react differently.  Very good point. 

Not only that....but for me....when I react....I might, sometimes, even often....ask myself:

"What the heck was that?  Why did I react like that?  So what if so and so sees my perception as off?  I don't.  What the heck do I really care?  Why must I take it so personally?  Why can't I just smile and say:  To each his own?"

It's probably a much deeper thingy than opinion or perceptions.  Maybe it's habit?  Maybe it is personality??  (although.....I really have a hard time with defining that one sometimes because it seems variable...if that makes any sense? ).  Maybe it feels like an attack because it actually is an attack (to that person...at that time....when they are truly trying to express themselves and what they get back is ....a contradiction???).

Brain cells going haywire now!

It is all how we perceive stuff isn't it?

  Sela

[Portia]

Mud:

Locking threads. I just found a board function.

If you want this thread locked, I think you can do it. But only you (as a member) can do it with your own thread. You decide!

I just started a new thread. When I viewed my post, I saw the option at the bottom of the page to Lock/Unlock and I tried it. It works. You can lock or unlock your own threads to your heart’s content, it seems.

Interesting. I wonder if it still works when you have lots of replies like this thread? Think I might check this out....

back again. It works. I just locked an older thread. Weird huh?

[Sela]

Certainly I feel like I must appologize to you Mud for asking you not to lock yourself out of this thread.

If you no longer wish to post to this thread and want to lock it, I'm with Portia, lock away!   I'm sorry that I put it that way.  It was silly of me.

What I really am trying to say is that I hope, very much, that you will stay on this board, post, ask for support from others here, give your views, your jokes, and anything else you are willing to share/need.

((((((((((((Mud))))))))))

My prayers are for you.

  Sela

[d'smom]

Some people may find it insulting to be told their perceptions are incorrect.  Not everyone will be interested in the proof or find the proof as solid as the prover.

This is a big personality difference, I think.  Some folks on this board are in jobs (e.g., academia) where we just love to spend all day batting evidence about.  I think for other people it is just like a steamroller in the middle of the conversation to have someone (like me) suddenly spewing forth this and that piece of evidence for my posiiton.  I am looking for them to do the same thing back, with evidence for their position.  But I see now it doesn't seem like that-- it seems like an attack.  And maybe they don't want to list a bunch of evidence for their position-- that kind of argumentation doesn't interest them.

Am I right that people differ on this??
============

i think this makes a lot of sense. i probably <totally unreasonably> expect these discussions to be somewhat intellectual exercises....... (for fun and profit) being 'right' being less important than finding and comparing the 'facts' as they appear.....  exploring whats out there together, hopefully objectively and with the goal being to learn. in that model its a given that there will be disagreement - but one would hope one would not get so 'attached' to ones own 'version' of the 'facts'.......  its just objective information.....  open to interpretation. we al have the right to interpret what we see as the 'facts' in our very own way, and to me that is the ultimate thing to respect in any situation.

i guess im expecting (possibly unreasonably, im ok with that) people to follow rules of 'sportsmanship' regarding other peoples  interpretation of any given set of 'facts'............. which to me is very important that people be allowed to view the world the way they choose......  even if i totally disagree i expect myself to respect their right to their own viewpoint...   and you are right, if im playing a different game than other people, they are not going to understand what i am doing!!!!!!!!! thats not fair.   so to explain - that the model i am approaching all this from.

im not trying to say people werent playing with sportsmanship. just thats how it was -feeling- to me, beucase i was i guess playing a different 'game' than maybe other people were.

fwiw - if i were to say what i -reallly- thought politically.. i probably wouldnt have a friend left on this board. ive got enough tact just not to go there anymore

and, i dont like that. i dont like that i cannot expres myself politically without feeling as though i may be personally attacked. i dont like that feeling. but i have just learned, not to talk about it. now does that sound like a country of intellectual freedom........... hmmmmm........

[d'smom]

mud:

got your message. sent a reply.
your my favorite pereson and i respect you greatly.
just take care & stick around.
we love you.
d'smom

[miaxo]

Hi Old Friend,

I haven't frequented here as much either for some of the same reasons.

These days I feel anxious enough and some of the threads here add to my anxiety.  I was hoping that this would be a more therapeutic place....at least it used to feel that it was.

Anyway, I chose to ignore any posts that raise my blood pressure and as I mentioned above I don't check in as much.

Here's an idea....Can there be a separate section for hot topics........like crossfire?  For those of us who don't want to venture there.....we just won't click onto that particular forum.

Take care, Mud.  Good to see you.

Mia

[mudpuppy]

One last time,

D's mom,
I didn't get your e-mail but I'm glad we're OK again. Thanks for the kind words.

Portia,
Nah, whats the point of locking it. Its dying a natural death on its own, besides who am I to stop someone else from joining in?

Sela,
No need to apologize whatsoever. I guess I'll hang around, just not on this thread.

Plucky,
Tiffany and I worked our misunderstanding out very well through PMs. I also hope she stays; very much.

mud