One of my friends was admitted to hospital after a heart attack. His gf gave him CPR and called an ambulance but he was without oxygen for an unknown period of time. They put him into hypothermia to sustain his functions... brain and body.... I'm not sure, but he's receiving many drugs and was intubated immediately.... is considered post cardiac arrest. For a while they tought he had a dissection, but that appears not to be the case. No one knows what damage has been done. Will have to wait and see.
My body is handling this with chemical dumps popping up..... calming then more dumps as information comes in.... and a photo of him with all the wires and tubes and he looks so vulberable... eyes taped shut, but otherwise appears to be sleeping. It's odd to feel comfort and despair, one after the other, depending on what I'm looking at in the photo.
Despair pops up when I think of his daughter losing him...his mother losing him.....she's lost 1 of her 3 sons and is in hospital out of state having heart surgery now. His dd is out of the country, but things don't happen the way you think they will.
My recently widowed friend was told to put off her dh's Memorial Service, bc her heart is struggling. During our visit, she made up her mind to go ahead and schedule the Memorial Service and placement of dh's ashes in a vault (he's a Veteran)on consecutive days.... she has a place for her ashes next to her dh's The grieving process is so mysterious.... I tell her to do what feels right...... I don't give advice. For a while she planned to split his ashes with his son and keep them in their homes. That changed, mainly so there's a record of his final resting place and people can visit him there. It's a very nice, well kept place, I'm told. I know everything will reflect her love and care and her dh will be honored in the best possible way. She's chosen a venue for the Memorial with a beloved band and caterer and space to stroll around a pond with geese and the trees will fill with new green leaves in May. As I spend more time with this friend I realize..... we have SO much in common. We see the same functional health practitioner and spent years working out togethr.... she took out her Brown belt from our classes, before we gave up belts, and we looked at pictures and recalled stories and the people we knew.
Visions of my death or one of my sibling's deaths or any future grave illnesses pop into my head as I move through my days lately. I make up my mind to discuss arrangements with siblings and put it on the shelf. I have a handwritten will with very clear DNR in place, but I need to do something more formal. I'd like to know what my sibling's wishes are, and have them make those wishes clear on paper, as my mother did not and she didn't get what she told my sf she wanted. It's unessesary chaos to leave it unwritten, IME. Mom got what her dh needed to give her and no one was going to argue with him over it if mom didn't care enouigh to put it in writing. It's logical and needs to happen. I'm not worried, just interested in doing what can and should be done. My sibs and Mom's friends honored Mom's wishes as we could.... she got the big party and I think those who attended, not my step father or his family, experienced relief and healing for it. Oh, the terribly long service step father held (think Southern Baptist) was mortifying to sit through. I think the Mom's Ohio cousins were entrhalled, but I wasn't. They thought it was what Mom asked for.... it wasn't.
Hmmmm awfully judgy of me.
My B didn't leave instructions either and got what he got which left some of the family members angry, bc they wanted to see him and we chose a closed casket, knowing B. Just...... more chaos than necessary, but then....B didn't have to experience whatever it would have cost him to plan his funeral arrangements and that was how he played it. If I say or do nothing...... does it really matter? Really? Let the living have what comforts them and maybe it's more or less the same as leaving instructions.... not too sure. I guess I'll talk to my kids about what they'd be comforted by and take that into consideration. I remember a thread about this. I thought I'd have a green burial, but that seems unlikely now. Too much hands on interaction for family, likely. Too much knowing where I am,, so close, and nothing much between me and the surface..... that could be very upsetting, esp since DDJ was upset badly when her Maternal Grandmother took her to her father's grave and "surprised" her with the news he was buried there. DDJ was hysterical., so there's going to be some trauma around it, whatever I choose.
I've eated a frozen gf pizza and 2 frozen gf graham cracker pie custs, which results in feeling really sick for a while which takes my mind off the Ukraine and my friend's dd rushing home to her post cardiac arrest father and Putin and the Memorial which reminds me everyone will require one and we're unprepared. I have Aunts and uncles, but they aren't much involved in our lives.... we're the family elders now. We should get ourselves and plans together.
Since I've been eating very clean, the junky food is impacting me in surprising ways...... thank God I haven't eaten anything more stupid than that. When mom was in the hospital I ate gluten and my throat started sending up mucus like a giant snail. DDJ threw up the honey bun she ate..... when oru systems aren't used to real junk..... things change.
the jouorney continues.
Lighter
