Mindfulness and codependence thread

[Twoapenny]

Appointment with T today a good one.

It's difficult to widen one's gaze to the point of BEING the sky watching clouds go by. 

It comes and goes.  Main message....

just let the clouds be..... 
just let it be.

Breathe.

 The mind wants to work on those things and will IF we allow it..
like a self-cleaning oven....
 the clouds will turn to mist and be gone.

Refusing to give our attention to the worrisome things means we free our minds up to focus on being present....breathing... allowing the brain to function as it was meant to.

Looking down on the world and what we label as good and bad gives us the ability to just notice them without judgment, which is really really REALLY hard sometimes for me. 

I understand latching onto the negative/evil/bad stories means we're less capable of responding.  This I understand.  This makes sense. 

The world will always have light and dark.   There can be no other way.  Accepting that, accepting we can't control or change it..... learning to change the way we see it is all we can do and that brings more peace and happiness in our consciousness.  More peace and happiness in one person's consciousness is a part of everything... we aren't separate.

It's not easy to keep this in focus but...
all we can do is work on ourselves and internal worlds.

I asked about the Tibetan idea of the afterlife and there was much about hot boiling caldrons of oil, and of being beaten BEFORE suffering the hot cauldron of oil, and many many levels of torment and punishment that did go on.  At some point we talked about the hells on earth.  I'm still not clear on the original question and answers but am positive the amazing feeling of dropping into awareness..... of the joy and smiles it brings to my face, is something I wish to expand on and cultivate, particularly during this time.

I can do THAT.

I have a couple of books I plan to get to... Budhha brain being one.

T saw the yard and what I work on.... she didn't realize the yard is all moss, every inch of it.  One of my favorite things in the yard is cleaning up edges and borders.  Today is sunny and mild and breezy and THAT's what I'm going to do for a couple hours..... I consider it a treat. 
 
Lighter

I'm glad it was a good appointment, Lighter, and that the moss is there for you as well   The thing I find difficult about the bad news stories at a time like this is that information - essential information - is despatched through the media.  So there's much sifting through 'stuff' to find out what you need to know.  I really think our twattish government (and I suspect the same for you over there) - should have been delivering clear, fact based statements with clear instructions of what to do, when to do it and how.  But they've been running behind the situation the whole time so people have been frantically scanning papers and watching the news just trying to find out what to do.  And of course they've had to read so much horrifying stuff in the meantime.  Crazy situations.  But I suspect we're all at a point now where we've done as much as we can and we're now just in a position to wait it out - which means lots of time for clouds and moss, I guess xx

[Hopalong]

I understand latching onto the negative/evil/bad stories means we're less capable of responding.  This I understand.  This makes sense.

I didn't think this referred to coronavirus, but to the Contractor!

But it's a very important understanding. About one's "latching on." Gives your power back.

Yay...off to Zoom with a friend...

xxx
L

[lighter]

It's everything, Hops.

Lighter

[lighter]

Renter on the island saying they can't fish and have no money for stores.  That's crazy, bc people can fish while staying 6 feet apart.  Why are they forbidding hungry people from harvesting fish?

I texted cottage housekeeper to take all the canned and dry goods to help get them through... give some to renter if he's hungry.   I don't honestly know what's in the cabinets now.  drawer full of gf pastas and some good indian spices.  I know there's  fresh veggies, cheese and butter.... fruit, so that will be nice.  I paid housekeeper ahead 3 cleanings and am happy about that. 

I got up this morning and had the house to myself, which was good. The groceries came and I disinfected the frozen stuff with wipes and placed most of the other stuff in the big truck, set the ozone machine for 80 minutes and it's working now.... there were distractions and I was in the zone.   

I'm snuggled in with oldest dd19 and baby girl pug... (BGP).... trying to write
a note on Nono's memorial page.  I've started many times.  It's hard.  It makes my chest hurt.

The day is warm..... very sunny.  I want fresh herbs growing in the porch again.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Hi Lighter,
I worry, because ozone generators are dangerous (banned in some states) and can harm the lining of your lungs. From what I've read...the only issue with groceries, packages etc,--is to simply disinfect by wiping them down, to be thorough.

That just takes any solution on a paper towel with 60% alcohol or another disinfectant like Lysol spray. Either type works equally. Forgive, but I Google everything. And only trust "dot.gov, dot.edu, and dot.org" sources. "Dot.COM means...dot-want-money."

Locking things in a truck with an ozone generator on...? I've read for many hours and have not come across anyone else recommending ozone magic. If it were that effective and practical against coronaviruses on surfaces or grocery bags, it'd be in headlines.

So go for it, if it's what you have evidence for. Just saying, so far every single authoritative article I've read on what to do, makes zero mention of ozone machines.

Be well I just hope is you won't be magical. Just follow the same old specific advice that every expert with advanced knowledge of infectious disease is giving. Widely. There ISN'T a special alternative-med, alternative-tech secret out there. There's no special secret. It's all the same advice/protection for all humans now...what works.

If your ozone generator could be guaranteed to kill Covid19 just by ozonating the air, bravo! But a blast of ozone in your own chest isn't good....and the evidence there is (not much) is more about ozone generation in air systems to kill pollutants. Not a never-before-seen virus that's sticking to surfaces. I certainly could be wrong...but...

From a NYPost article on coronavirus MYTHS:
False

The non-FDA-approved germicide, which uses the main component in smog to kill disease, is touted as a cheap cure for viruses including, more recently, the coronavirus. But there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Ozone purifiers create serious health risks — including lung and cellular damage — for humans and animals and have been banned in places such as California for this reason.

“It is one of the products where the risks heavily outweigh the benefits,” Jason Chan, an assistant professor in science education at the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology, told Quartz.

(I Googled because you kept mentioning it, and I worry that you've bought into some special-sauce hype somewhere. I just can't find any real recommendation for ozone-purifying packages, other than from people who profit from selling these machines....)

If I'm wrong I welcome learning so! I admire your efforts to do all you can, Lighter.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Hops:


You're right, ozone is harmful to humans, pets... all living things, including pathogens.... bacteria, viruses, and molds.  The ozone has an additional oxygen atom that makes it a powerful oxidant which kills microorganisms on contact by breaking down the cell walls.

I used the truck so the ozone gas would saturate completely all surfaces of the groceries and grocery bag surfaces.  I set the machine for an hour, which I hope was overkill, but the truth is... I'm winging it here.  30 minutes should have been enough time, but wanted to make sure entire truck and all little crevices filled with gas.

Afterward, I aired the truck out for hours making sure to hit the button to turn off the dome lights.... just let all the doors open so there was no breathing the gas in... and that was a good 6 hours, which was definitely overkill, but it slipped my mind. We aren't actually using the truck now.

When I wiped down all the frozen items I wore gloves, changed hands up with the wipe to keep the gloves from transferring virus and placed clean items into a cooler as I went.  I watched a guy, representing himself as a doctor, demonstrate how to clean groceries with wipes, and warm soapy water... and I was pretty sure he missed lots of spots.... transferred virus.... he made me super uncomfortable and gave me an idea how I'd go about the process before I started, which was helpful.

Afterward, I popped off the gloves, put them into the trash, wiped down my forearms with the disinfectant, put the grocery items away, then wiped down everything in the areas I traveled through, including the sink area after washing hands after getting clothes in the washer, which I wiped down again.  I wiped at my face with my biceps, which I felt OK about.

I was as thorough as I could be.  Things went better than I thought they would.  I'm not sure about the clothes, but I can't think of anything I'd change, except maybe leaving the ozone on for 80 minutes..... maybe.  Maybe peeling the clothes off before taking the gloves off?  Not sure.

The disinfectant wipes leave a little wet bubbly residue so I could pretty easily SEE where I'd wiped and hadn't, which was reassuring.  I'm guessing an older container of wipes might be dryer and not leave bubbles which would make me worry about missing places and make the job harder, last longer, IMO. 

 I noticed all my "emergency baby wipes" dried out while organizing emergency supplies so any kind of wipe would dry out over time.

The first time I used the machine was in the house..... it was supposed to bond to the stink molecules in the air, make them heavier and fall, where I could sweep them up. I  stayed out of the house all day, then air it out for 3 hours before returning.  I knew breathing the stuff wasn't safe, but I didn't realize it would have such a BIG smell.

The second time I used the ozone machine was to kill mold and moss in the truck during a particularly damp season.  The truck sits under trees, in the shade anyway.  I ran and ran and ran that machine, then followed up with Damp Rid product, which always collect liquid.  The smell of ozone lasts a good long time, btw.

Thanks for thinking of me.  I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I got it right enough.
Lighter

[Hopalong]

I believe if you have any sort of gel, like aloe, you can just make a plain alcohol (60%) to aloe gel (20%) mix and ta da, hand sanitizer. Nothing fancy. I bet it might work with a simple lotion for the 20% too, but I'm not sure.

I have loads of it now but when I thought it wouldn't arrive, I planned to simply put a half-inch of rubbing alcohol in the bottom of a plastic container with a good lid, add small squares of paper towel ... and that's it. Easy. Portable.

We might've watched the same video! Big anxiety about missing a tiny spot might be counterproductive. Just watch for that anxiety...we all have it in one way or another.

This is a Great Big Situation we can't control. The video that empowered me most and made me feel much less scared was the one from the ICU doctor that I posted. He takes quite a while to warm up to his task (so it's a bit long), but once he starts explaining the specifics, I really got it. Time well spent.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Oh my gosh... either I'm just too busy or lazy to go to lengths like this.

We have windows open due to the oil-based stain & poly I've used in the bathroom. I make sure to thoroughly wash, then bleach kitchen surfaces. I've had contractors in the house. But no - we're not concerned about delivered packages, or mail, or bringing in groceries around here.

And we're all going through the spring sinus & allergy thing...

so, the normal precautions around here which sound like a lot less time & energy y'all are putting into trying to protect yourself. Of course, except for the 4 of us - and the contractors who work here - the nearest neighbor is a mile away. And with spring here, more time outside... and all of nature's magical properties... perhaps that's a bigger advantage than spreading chemicals all over the place in our homes.

I don't know. I don't know if anyone - including "experts" - know. But, it almost seems as if the extra work in trying to protect oneself, subconsciously feeds the fear cycle. Breaking the fear cycle doesn't mean throwing out prudence, either. It means using common sense and lowering the stress overall, and putting the mind to work on things that are completely and totally different.

Babbel.com has pretty low prices for learning a new language, for instance. Buck tossed some Portuguese at me the other night... so I know I can spend 1/2 hr a day and pick up enough of this for the duration of our isolation that will enable me to be somewhat fluent after a few months. I retrieved a copy of the mythology classic, Hamlet's Mill that I've wanted to re-read; I'm in the middle of a well-researched book on Norse magic & mythology too.

I KNOW people who've gotten the virus, although most haven't been tested, due the shortage. Docs just saying, yep that's what it is, and sending people home to isolate & self-care... to protect the people who are MOST vulnerable to the effects of it. Most of those recover in a week to 10 days, and the symptoms haven't been that severe. I am still convinced that the fear over this, and the extreme social, economic, & gov't reactions are going to have more serious long-lasting consequences than the virus itself. 

[Hopalong]

I hear you, Amber.
It also occurs that living on a mountain might reduce the anxiety of congestion.

As to care with shopping and package disinfection, it's really pretty simple to just take those steps. Still I'm certain your kitchen is way cleaner than mine! (Since I've had no-one in, it's been easy to indulge my inner, barely inner, slob.)

I agree that obsessing over disinfection is also harmful. M does a bit more than I do, but I'm committed too. That's because medical info I've willingly absorbed (reality addict and former health researcher/writer) convinced me that avoidance in my case will be in the long run way, way less painful than getting this virus would be. As to disinfection, I'm working at being matter-of-fact about it, as though I'm just doing dishes with an extra step.

I hope there'll be fewer cases where you are; perhaps none. In my town a dozen active cases so far, but it's just gotten here and our local health workers are already stressed because we also receive trauma and cancer cases from the whole region, including your state. The simplicity of retirement (plus early canned goods and TP hoarding) means I can mostly just stay home, indefinitely, and keep on in a make-my-world-smaller way of reducing my risks. With walks and outdoor visits. M feels the same. (If there's a second wave of infection in winter, it'll be tougher but doable.)

Keep those windows open and mind your lungs!

Hugs
Hops

PS -- One reason I've posted a lot of detail about virus facts (including protection facts) isn't because I'm DOING it obsessively, but because my past career means that researching health-related topics and providing fact-based evidence is actually pleasurable. I don't post this stuff out of fear, but out of interest.

[sKePTiKal]

Yeah, I know Hops.

My comments were just generalized; not meant for anyone here... more as an observation on what I'm seeing lots of places and how our situation on the farm is different. We've ALL had our moments here, that said. Mostly coz too much info is suspect.

I do believe that "this too shall pass" - and we'll look back and wonder what all the panic was about. Even in my little corner of the world's grocery store, I saw people loading up like the people do for the 4x4 section of the beach for 2 weeks. Strangers stopping me to comment on the empty shelves, and knowing we were gonna be OK because we already had put stuff back. Me being really selective on what I was picking up/looking for.

[sKePTiKal]

CB, I have noticed the grief process!!

I am slowly accepting that however the world changes after the worst of this is past - what we used to call "normal life" isn't coming back. That's going to be more vivid, extreme and stressful for some people, more than others. Some people have no experience yet with grief; some resist it with everything they can come up with; some of us are really tired of it - LOL.

I'm already moving into - OK, so how should I, do I, can I adapt?? and what plans can be imagined now... and things gathered toward that end...

Still no word from Buck's D in the UK; not even from the embassy. He's now pinging other channels. The hospital he's been working with has 34 employees who've tested positive. His Thurs appt is for bloodwork - to check his infection. He's been told it will have to be a "virtual appt" - which he can't do online with his home setup; and his military status won't accept - and how do you draw and analyze blood online????????

LOL... and with all this going on that's wearing on the rest of us... B has to be the contrarian in the bunch. :shakes head: I've never seen him happier. Making jokes, supporting others, being sweet as chess pie to me... but that's why he was - correction, is - an NCO, I guess.

My backup plans have backup plans... but for now, I'm just kinda taking it easy on myself. I pushed pretty hard to finish up in my bathroom, in case we have any more refugees come along. (Frees up another bathroom). So, I have my "sanctuary" back... shared just with Freddy the tomcat right now and he's been my best buddy.

[Twoapenny]

Skep, extreme long shot, but do you know which hospital Buck's D is in?  I have a couple of friends in the health service - it's unlikely, I know, but if one of them happens to know someone who works in that hospital they might be able to get some info for him, if he still hasn't he anything.  And yep, I can see that for someone with Buck's background this kind of situation would be more manageable for him than it is for a lot of others xx

[Hopalong]

Amber, are you into refugees just coming along?
Will your explicit permission be required before any new entourage members are on your land?

The virus travels, that's the point of shelter in place, stay at home, do not travel advisories.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Amber:

It seems like B's dd would reach out and check on him, if not update him on her own situation.  I can't think of any reason why she's silent that's not really bad.  I'm glad he's being cheerful.  I guess he's used to the medical system letting him down and failing, so it's just business as usual.

CB:

There's definitely a mourning process going on.   Not knowing how things will change forever makes it harder by miles, IME.  I feel unsteady and hope it passes.

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Yes, Holly actually made me a list of who she was interested in offering shelter to. At the moment, it's just one GF that I know reasonably well. GF (M) was partner to Hol's boss who died in Oct. So M was working on the same production Hol was supposed to work on - production is of course, cancelled. THEN, M's landlord sold the house they were living in and M was going to move into/decamp to lost partner's place at the end of this month - M's not overly comfortable, still being in the early days of the grieving process still. M's only family - a sister - is in California. She was going to go spend some time there -

except now there's a stay at home; do not travel order in MD.

So I'm fine with M coming here for the time being. She's a master gardener, and we have lots to do on that front this year and this month. Then, the cameraderie we have as a small group is actually pretty solid. A lot of the petty stuff got purged out pretty quick. Anxiety is still an on-going, take turns issue. Since M lost her mom to cancer some years ago, then her partner - I adopted her pretty quick. Boundaries of course need to closely maintained. But it's working and I think helping.

I'm pretty well stocked to deal with home care for most anything - including my usual allergies this time of year. So, I'm making an effort to try not to talk myself into feeling sick - just paying attention and trying to measure out how much I'm pushing myself. Trying not to do that too much too. It won't be long before I'll have Buck - and possibly the younger D here too until she can go to college.

Tupp - to answer your question - Buck is being seen at the hospital on an outpatient basis. It's MUSC and they have 34 staff now that have tested positive. THANKFULLY I think his metabolism is enough right now to keep the infection in check. And he's got his stress under control - even with the older D being incommunicado. And yeah, Lighter... I can't think of any good reasons for her not to call and say she's OK either.

Already asked him, if I need to be ready to let him go, while he goes off & tries to do some silly stupid guy-Dad rescue stuff. Comes with the territory, with this type. But oh MY.... has he been supersweet to me for no reason other than he can & has time right now.