Mindfulness and codependence thread

[CB123]

I love your moss stories, Lighter.

CB

[lighter]

: )CB: )Moss: )  I have the number for a neighbor with a perfect moss yard, like mine.  They're wondering why I haven't called them yet, but I'm not quite  ready to talk about the yellow spots I'm dealing with.  They might know how to solve it, but explaining it is tedious so I'm putting it off.

Hops:

About living in a child's headspace..... or glorying in present moments completely... smiling to the sun with joy bc it's warm and on our face.... those moments were/are amazing.  I've noticed people are drawn us when we're IN that space.... like beacons of light.  The warmth flows through and out of... beckoning others to touch it, IME.  That choice to focus on peace and joy is attractive.

As I write this I notice baby girl pug is LISTENING to me for the first time.... really listening.  I told her not to bark, after two barks, and she's being very still, seated, just watching people talk nearby.  Normally she'd be barking and I'd be squirting her with the water bottle and it would just be a wet pug battle. 

Not today, for whatever reason.  Maybe it's how I asked. Maybe she's tired of getting squirted.  Whatever it is, the hummingbirds arebuzzing and the pug is enjoying the back porch as much as I am.... in relative quiet FOR ONCE. 

Now she's making little frog gulpy noises.... tiny..... and looking at me. I just shake my head and she goes back to looking at the talkers, very still.  Very quiet.  I feel like we're both having a huge day of learning and acceptance.

Youngest dd started stripping rust from a big industrial cart yesterday.   She put on work clothes,  safety gear and covered the thing in naval jelly.  WHO knew it wasn't water-soluble?  Did you know?  I had no idea, and what a PITA.  DD toddled off for a nap, completely dejected, after trying to get what had been bright florescent pink goo, turned into what acted like dried white car wax, OFF with the hose and scrubbing sponge.  She'd eaten ONE potato chip, in an effort to feel better, jammed a sharp bit painfully into her gum, between her teeth, driven it farther up with floss, which is where she decided to retreat into sleep (I was getting more naval jelly) What a nightmare!  How did things go so wrong? 

Neighbor, the same one who suggested the naval jelly, said we needed gasoline... GASOLINE to get it off.  Instead of getting out the gas, I let dd sleep, got out the Dawn dish soap, had a good scrub with that, THEN wiped it down with mineral spirits.... I'm not pouring gasoline all over the place... that is NUTS, IMO.   The moss wouldn't like it either.

I didn't want DD to have a complete fail on the project after she'd worked so hard and committed so deeply, in happiness, and hope.  I guess I could SEE this as me caretaking her feelings and experience, but I'm aware and willing to deal with this bump in the road as it teaches her and remind me....

90% research.
10% execution.  We both got a very up close look at the importance of that rule.

I also found a product from Rustoleum that turns RUST into a stable paintable surface.  I knew these products exist, but thought it was in huge quantities from marine products.... this is a small bottle from Ace Hardware.  Who knew?  Turns out the rust has to be ALL RUST, not spotty or mixed with good metal and paint, which is what we have.  I think the patient is divine, btw.  I'd love to clear coat it and call it done, but DD wants smooth bubblegum pink so, I'll prep for that then get her back on track doing it herself.

New moss friend L is overwhelmed planting many containers of beautiful moss we harvested for her use.  She's putting it down where I would have put it, guess it was obvious, but she's not happy with it, and struggling with weeds and grass.  I get it.  Been there, done that.  I'm letting her deal with that on her own.  Maybe we'll play in my yard next, to get her mind off hers for a bit.  I think she realizes she should have scraped the area, killed the roots, put down weed fabric THEN put down the moss.  It's so much work, but pays off down the road.  Just jumping is what we all do, I guess.  It IS overwhelming to have so much moss waiting.  I've done that too.  Getting moss turns out to be the easy part.  The planning and prep work are more important, turns out.

TODAY DD's cart will be bubblegum pink and ready for pretty dresses in DD's room.

Sweet girl pug still seated, watching neighbors, still and quiet.  I'm not sure what to think about that...

 HUMMINGBIRD!  I just saw it in reflected int he window!  I love hummingbirds: )

Lighter

 

[Hopalong]

Pug peace!

Moss magic!

Pink industrial cart!

Sounds like a lovely lovely time, Lighter.
So glad for you.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Oh, that cart would have looked so amazing clear coated!  It's honest to God pepto pink..... solid.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

That sounds so nice, Lighter, is the cart finished now?  I have started many, many projects like that, only to find out I've bought the wrong paint stripper/rust remover/sanding paper or whatever it might be.  It is dejecting and discouraging so I think it's great that you got it to a point where DD can finish it off.  And I hope she can get that bit of crisp out of her gum!  That sounds really painful, those little, niggly things are so irritating.  I hope it comes out easily.  And little pug!  Aw, she sounds so cute, our friends have a pug and he's the dearest little thing, just has to be on someone's lap the whole time   I hope the moss is going well, too (and no, I don't think pouring gasoline over it would have helped!  Zoiks!) xx

[lighter]

The crisp must have softened and stopped bugging dd, bc she hasn't brought it up in a while.

The cart is pink, but dd holding off on final high gloss clear coat, bc of humidity. We'll open the garage and finish up once the sun comes out.  I think that's today!  So proud of dd thinking it through and waiting. 

The pug had a super hard day yesterday.  Vet tech came to clip her toes and drain her anal glands on the porch.  I stayed inside and peeked a bit.... lots of scampering around, trying to catch the pug. 

::shaking head::

In the end.... pug 1, vet tech 1

Glands emptied
 2 toenails remain

I know this... that vet tech student earned every penny.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Eww, Lighter, bless her, I think "emptying anal glands" has got to be pretty near my list of jobs that I never want to have to do!  Bless her, it's done at least, and most toe nails clipped has got to be better than no toenails.  And DD has almost finished the cart!  Yay!  Aw, that will look so nice once it's all done and has pride of place in her room xx

[lighter]

We made a triple batch of pork and shrimp dumplings... they were wonderful and we shared them with the neighbors we have doggy playdates with.  We're going to make turkey and shrimp dumplings next.

I helped the one neighbor unload 2 pick up trucks of mulch, and retrieved his hummingbird feeder from the corner of his roof.  It hasn't been filled the last 2 years bc of their health problems.  THIS year it's hummingbird central.  I want that feeder out so they have enjoy them as much as I am.  SO many hummers..... they sit in the hemlock trees and buzz back and forth to the feeder.  It's crazy busy.

This same neighbor, the husband, is the one who's coming back from catastrophic health problems.  Today he asked me to teach him to throw punches correctly.  I was happy to agree.  Will see how that goes.  I let the girls know they'll be expected to participate..... they know bribes are on the way. 

Grrrrr..... I'm hungry.  Again. 

Is anyone else hungry all the darned time?

Lighter

[lighter]

Neighbor and I planted seeds from 10 herbs and veggies in a set up he researched.  We'll each have 3 to 6 plants from each...  depending how it goes.  He has special seed starting soil and a big clear plastic container with clear plastic lid, sort of like a greenhouse.  Since he has one eye and ligament damage in his hands he can't do things like that easily and I really enjoy doing things like that.  We're sharing seeds so it feels good in all directions. 

I plan on planting directly into the soil very soon.... will plant pumpkins, watermelons, peppers, squash, basil, cilantro, oregano and beans.... still looking for Thai basil.  I'm thinking about further amending soil with rich dark dirt from bottom of leaf pile next door.

 I have Poppy seeds sewn already..... as tiny as paprika specks.... teeny weeny.

Today was glorious out... sunny and cool.  Now it's rainy and cold... windy, so back indoors.

I'm looking forward to moving the pink cart into dd's room this evening... if she gets some energy back. 

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

I am hungry all the time, Lighter!  But I'm not cooking as much nice stuff as you, I'm too lazy   Being surrounded by hummingbirds  sounds lovely xx

[lighter]

I'm hungrier in the evenings, Tupp. 

Since we aren't cooking rice and lentils and beans all the time I feel better, but I sometimes hurt myself with food...meaning I eat too much.... too much dairy and sugar.

The neighbor is pushing me to teach him to punch properly.... he's come so far, but..... watching him stretch a bit was a wake-up call.... he's still so compromised.  Some ligaments and muscles were destroyed... larger ones I didn't know about.  I can build him up, and make his stronger.  That appeals ot me.  I wonder if that's a healthy thing or a codependent thing. 

It feels like a healthy thing for both of us, but it informs me...... sometimes good feelings set off alarm bells for me. 

Maybe part of it was how hard he was pushing me.  How little he understands about nutrition, but believes he knows a lot..... his idea of good nutrition is not drinking cokes all day if he's going to drink beer in the afternoon, so....... it's a bit frustrating and I'm really not in a mood to explain or discuss it.  I was impatient with him today when he kept on and on.  He's one of those type A driven men who acts, and doesn't listen.  I don't mind having the discussions if it goes both ways.  I don't think think he can hear me.  That dampens my mood to train him.  I won't be lectured.  I will bounce ideas and experiences back and forth.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

I'm hungrier in the evenings, Tupp. 

Since we aren't cooking rice and lentils and beans all the time I feel better, but I sometimes hurt myself with food...meaning I eat too much.... too much dairy and sugar.

The neighbor is pushing me to teach him to punch properly.... he's come so far, but..... watching him stretch a bit was a wake-up call.... he's still so compromised.  Some ligaments and muscles were destroyed... larger ones I didn't know about.  I can build him up, and make his stronger.  That appeals ot me.  I wonder if that's a healthy thing or a codependent thing. 

It feels like a healthy thing for both of us, but it informs me...... sometimes good feelings set off alarm bells for me. 

Maybe part of it was how hard he was pushing me.  How little he understands about nutrition, but believes he knows a lot..... his idea of good nutrition is not drinking cokes all day if he's going to drink beer in the afternoon, so....... it's a bit frustrating and I'm really not in a mood to explain or discuss it.  I was impatient with him today when he kept on and on.  He's one of those type A driven men who acts, and doesn't listen.  I don't mind having the discussions if it goes both ways.  I don't think think he can hear me.  That dampens my mood to train him.  I won't be lectured.  I will bounce ideas and experiences back and forth.

Lighter

(((((((((Lighter)))))))))))))))))))  I don't think you need another demanding man in your life.  You just got rid of loft boy.  You have your girls, your moss, cute pug girl (although noisy sometimes, it seems).  The beach house will, no doubt, continue to cause problems and need work doing.  Point him in the direction of some good videos or a professional instructor (people here are carrying on with all sorts of one to one sessions via Zoom or something similar - I'd guess there will be people there who are doing the same thing).  Maybe tell him he can call you if he has specific question.  He's not yours to fix, particularly if he's refusing to engage with the basics like nutrition.  And space?  Can you do all this whilst keeping 2 metres between you at all times?  If he does injure himself you'd need to help him up, presumably?  It's not a risk worth taking, in my opinion.  Concentrate on having a nice time for yourself, and your girls.  You don't need to fix anybody else xx xx xx

[Hopalong]

Everything Tupp said rings wise to me too, Lighter.

I don't know if these things are codependent or not, but I notice you often express things as you being in charge of fixing something/someone, and in that teacher/guide/mentor/therapist role.

What that says to me is that you have a lot to share and to offer, whether it's about moss or food or EMDR or alternative cures or decor or or or or....

And sharing knowledge is wonderful, and working intensely and physically side by side (well, six feet by six feet) is also wonderful. BUT FOR YOU, FOR NOW, NOT WITH MALES. At least, I'd recommend, not with males who have access to your homes or property (insane contractor) or who might not respect boundaries (Frenchman) or who live so close that misunderstandings could cause long-term friction or stress (neighbor).

I think you are safest approaching entanglements with males only after deep work on how tangled you can get, with a therapist. And then, only safely well away from your home and your personal life.

Like, meeting for tea in a public place once the pandemic's over. (I know, sounds simpery. But we want you to stay safe and not have a resurgence of agony over male aggression.)

You might be horny! Understandable! But please don't take risks with men who know too much about where you live and how you are and such, imo. Or who might be tuning into YOUR energies that you may not realize you're expressing with them. Especially such physical stuff...you've observed before how men react to a sweaty physical woman who's NOT focused on them.

This doesn't seem like a good season for those flirtations (not intentional flirtations, just hanging your male-attractant energies out there).

Cluck cluck mother henning....
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Richters (out of Canada) has Thai Basil seeds Lighter. It's simply

richters.com

[lighter]

Thanks for the Thai basil info, Amber. 

Hops, the guy I'm posting about lives 2 doors away and is the one-eyed married neighbor convalescing himself back to health.

The other neighbor I've been posting about... the one helping me with the washing machine install who lives a few streets away, is married as well.  Our dogs have regular playdates so we see each other several times a week if not more often.  I just put up a hummingbird feeder for the guy 2 houses away.  We planted seeds together.  He loaned me his tiller.  I helped empty 2 truckloads of mulch onto his property... I can have all the free mulch I want IF I wanted it. 

No emotional or romantic entanglements to worry about.

About the boxing lessons.  That won't work, bc of the 6 foot distancing thing.  I wish I could hold pads for him.... bc it's walking medication for me.  I'm good at it.  I'm a good teacher.  I get a good work out holding the pads BUT the 6 foot distancing thing.... thanks for reminding me Tupp.  It's a problem AND I don't have to worry about any other problems that might pop up with that much face to face time.

I'm glad he's feeling strong enough to want to HELP me into a good physical routine.  The thing is, I don't need his help and I didn't ask for it.  I can certainly handle that, not that I SEE what was bugging me about it. He stepped on a boundary I didn't realize I needed to put in place.  He's been so lovely.  I look forward to enjoying time with him.

Lighter