Ugh ugh ugh. Her response was a lot of instructions about how we'd continue to be "email friends" only because she wants to "stay in touch" but even if she comes to town she wouldn't see me because it would be too "uncomfortable" and on and on....but she'll email again, unless she doesn't, etc. She says "uncomfortable" a lot.
Stupidly, I responded again. She'd mentioned seeing "old Hops" in my friendly, first response to her unexpected email. I wrote that "old Hops" had been ever-ready to support her intensely in all things but now I realize it wasn't quite reciprocal, but my codependent attachment that needed to loosen. And now it has.
Longer story shorter, she built up to fury again. "Goodbye. I will now resign from the poetry group. If I'm ever in your town again I will visit the other poets individually."
Blah blah etceterblah. Her last email was to announce that I wrote her "intentionally to hurt her" -- and she would never read an email from me again. Good, since I won't be writing one.
I think she's in a hot fury because I was blunt and direct. I said I believe that only sitting with "uncomfortable" in therapy would be truly freeing. It was unpleasant to feel her trying to reel me in again, so I'm glad she's spitting nails at my refusal to cooperate with her narrative. I hope her anger spurs her to leave me alone and I feel relief that she's leaving the poetry group.
Yeeessshhhh. I feel sometimes that one has to be hypervigilant with N-ish people, even those who were at one time close friends. I went out and bought a pint of ice cream and ate the whole thing to calm down.
But it was Cherry Garcia, so that doesn't count, right?
hugs
Hops
