Farm Journal - 2025

[Hopalong]

My lord, what a cacophony of catastrophes.
Or, near-catastrophes.

I'm so sorry Amber. Just as the heat lifts a little, everybody has meltdowns.

Can't imagine the stress you've recently been through. Invasion x10.

I hope peace returns soon to the mountaintop and I'm very sorry Hol's lack of perception brought that feckless contractor into your orbit.

Shee-itttt!

hugs and comfort,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Oh that all happened in the worst of the heat. You might be on to something about perception, but truthfully we both got taken in. It's just that I kept a little distance & suspicion about something not being quite "as advertised'. And in truth, it's probably worse than i suspect.

We won't be the first to attempt to reconnect. Wish him luck & all... but I for one am done.

[Hopalong]

I'd be damn well done with him too. Ugh.

Have you seen those slim elevators that don't require major construction? They're like a glass box. They're not hidden in the wall but have a very small footprint. So if there's a corner or non-vital spot, they're just placed there and plugged in. Clever, and apparently a lot less expensive.

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Yes, Stiltz is the elevator you're describing. That's the one I'm choosing. BUT my house is small enough that there is no good spot for it, without being in the way.

Putting an addition on the dining room side - down to back door/garage walkin - will give us a little extra room and flexibility. The ground floor is mostly utility and garage; technically there is bedroom and an awkward bath. I use that bedroom for the "office". Planning on air lock/mudroom around the elevator downstairs. Upstairs, will utilize the french door opening in the dining room for access. There will be about 4/5 feet around the elevator; so I will have another wall to put my china cabinet on... and more storage. That's also the corner of the house that takes the brunt of the wind, most of the time - an addition will help with that.

I know it sounds like overkill, an unnecessary excuse to add square footage, but there is truly one other spot where there is a) enough space for the elevator footprint and b) doesn't require restructuring the beams or posts supporting the house. And that location interferes with the stairs to the third floor, the front door and downstairs access to/from the garage. The whole project is going to be very expensive; just the elevator is about $50k. We'll need concrete foundation, and will have to re-engineer roof for where addition joins, to keep drainage functioning well. So, I'll probably have the deck (currently uncovered) redesigned and replaced at the same time. Will screen in & roof bedroom/office side for an extra layer of protection on the west - most exposed - side of the house.

Can't wait to find out what that does to my RE taxes...  <rolleyes>

[Hopalong]

Whee! (Not the taxes part....)
Had fun looking at this:
https://www.elevators.com/residential-elevators/

[lighter]

I'm sure you've considered using closet space and, perhaps, an actual stairwell for elevator space, Amber.

A friend was considering an elevator, for her mother, then broke her own foot.....had to crawl up 3 levels of stairs, while recovering.

The stairwell was the best place, but would not work when power goes out.  She killed the project.

You likely have a generator to solve that problem....if the stairwell lines up?

Sorry you're having so much going sideways, at once, Amber. 

I hope the pooch and Hol recover soon, as well as they can.

Lighter

[lighter]

Amber, my daughters phone me when they're overwhelmed with a bloated tick in the pug's ear.....squealing and requiring emotional support, like younger beings.

I never, really, felt that way about crisis in my life.  Never thought "Call Mom/Dad!"  I did call my father, for directions, before cell phones and GPS.

I wouldn't, likely have, called mom, if it did occur to me.

Did you call your mother, or think of calling her, during moments of crisis in your life?  I suspect her betrayal of you, when you were very young, had an impact?

Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Yeah, I considered the stairwell. Had the consultant look at it too, as a backup option - and he agreed the addition would be a better solution. The footprint required for elevator is bigger than 3x4 ft.and would impact use of the front door and steps. It's even more awkward downstairs.

LOL... nope; my mom would've been the worst person to call in any kind of crisis. She would literally fall apart & not be able to think, or act - just freeze up. Holly tried to call me, coz she was terrified; knew what was happening and knew she had to act fast. Just needed validation of her choice/judgement. I tend to get right down to "what I KNOW beyond a reasonable doubt"- which was, I was driving when she called; I wouldn't make it back in time to drive her - and I have confidence in her driving ability when under extreme stress. Yeah, it's still a big risk - and I couldn't judge how severe her reaction was or how quickly it would escalate - even if she calmed down over the phone.

That experience, following so close to Knuckles' issues has gotten thru her constant pushing to constantly "get things done" motivation. She's just a bit more "zen" and laid back and has found it easier to "let things go". She admits it was a huge "hint" from the universe about making some changes. We'll see how long it moderates her
X-games level approach to everything.

[Hopalong]

Yeesh. I'm so sorry about Hol's wakeup call, except for the potential positives you've pointed out. Whew.

Made me think of two things:
1) Neighbors. Maybe tearing up a driveway with "Please drive me to the ER" was worth a try? I don't know how close she came but what a horrible scare.

2) What's happening to rural hospitals. https://petebuttigieg.substack.com/p/meet-a-rural-doctor-already-seeing

And poor Knuckles. My D has no functioning adrenal glands due to Addison't disease, and take oral steroids, big doses, to stay alive. Is this true for dogs too?

hugs despite horrors,
Hops

PS Are you at all concerned about the stress of addition-adding? Thought of an outside elevator? Or does it all feel like an engaging, interesting project? I worry...but must consider that for me, there's adrenalin over tidying up.

[sKePTiKal]

Nope - the neighbors wouldn't be much help. Either incapable themselves (oldsters or handicapped or not home). We have a rural hospital in the same network as the one "over the mountain". But that requires a turnaround to head the opposite direction and one can wait 15 mins for traffic to clear on the highway. I'm not kidding about "boonies".

Predisone daily for the Knucks. And he's now tested monthly, for the exact dosage of a hormone shot needed. He's definitely feeling better.

I don't see building as stressful. I enjoy projects; seeing a visualization come to life; figuring out how I'll use it. This addition has more than one purpose - it will also provide an airlock/mudroom downstairs and block one of the places the wind seeps in from a drafty corner (despite tube(s) of caulking inside & out) especially in the winter. Working with a contractor doesn't HAVE to be stressful... and so far, I've only tried two - the original one, that we pretty saw eye to eye on things... and someone new - that I will have to ride herd on.

Stress for me, usually involves other people and their emotional quandarys. Gotta go make Knucks breakfast bowl.

[sKePTiKal]

Well, B left yesterday on the two day trek back to his place. He'll get unpacked and rested up about the time he has to pack up & get back here for his med appts. <rolleyes> He doesn't care about the driving.

While he was gone last time, I took Fenris (the 07 Jeep) to a garage. S'posed to be just for brakes & inspection and investigate why it would jump out of first gear. That turned out to be the clutch, and later, the transmission. Whoo boy... as slow as B is, it would've taken him a couple years to do all that. But, he's all fixed up now and B's been driving it; I drove it no problems this time. And I have a new place to get my lifted jeeps inspected. Instead of renting a vehicle to get him and all his "traveling tools" back & forth, I let him put Fenris to the test on this short turn-around trip. So far, so good. In a couple of weeks, he'll be towing a trailer and a heavy toolbox. More testing.

He's already had Hol's jeep in a garage tracing out an electrical issue for most of the year. But, it's not like he WANTS to work on it. Hol explained the problem she thought she had, and he just assumed responsibility for the work on his own - and then bitched about how she just dumps things on him. That is a totally unfair characterization of the situation; he's not even aware that he wouldn't just share knowledge with her - and let her fix it herself. OH NO... needs to make her the bad guy. To be fair, Hol does that to him quite a bit too.

I've been quietly watching the dynamics for awhile. Been pondering how these things happen... what part I'm playing in it too and owning that. It seems a lot like any time there are 3 people involved in something, someone's toes get stepped on and dissension seems to follow UNLESS, there's a person observing and speaking up, to head the whole act of the play off at the pass.

If 3 turns into 4 (Cody is a possiblity; being discussed but not with urgency) some of this will go away.

B's experience of "extended family" living situations is fraught with a lot of negative experiences. Hol & I have had our share, but we've continued to work through and improve things. That process is BRAND NEW to him. So, I've been paying closer attention to some of his "mutterings" and how he says how he's interpreting the interactions. Gathering more information. I have, I think, at least a direction to try now. Experiments are always good.

I am such a homebody introvert, that I almost never seek out new things to do, explore or try. And given his mobility issues and my lack of stamina and patience for large groups... we need to find things that aren't overly taxing. So I'm looking while he's gone.
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Meanwhile, I'm coordinating the elevator project & contractors. Found an external lift (1000 lbs capable) that costs a lot less than an internal one that needs an addition. Just have to cut a hole in the part of the deck I don't use. Talked to the guy who did the original glass replacement for me just after I'd moved in... he'll come out next week and look at rebuilding 3 sides of the decks (which are in sad shape) and sealing & painting the exterior.

---------------
AGAIN, garden is a total disaster. Went from cold & wet in June, to abominably hot & dry - and SOME of my "itchies" turned out to be bug bites. SIGH. I still have herbs and some bulbs to plant. I am getting the sewing mess in the studio under control - mending, a historical sewing project (chemise), and tying up loose ends of the interior remodel.

Friend Deb is coming out for Labor Day weekend. Who knows what we'll get up to.

[lighter]

Lordy, Amber......lots of balls in the air.  The lift solution sounds like the better choice, btw.  So glad you wended your way to that final choice.

The thing with Hol and B and boundaries and resentments.....ya. 

Do, point out to B, that frustrated resentment he feels is likely about him, not Hol.  If he needs things to be different... it's a him thing.  If he isn't staring clear boundaries..... it's a him thing. Not bad or good. 

I'm going through similar stuff with my grown kiddos.  Teaching, rather than doing their stuff and feeling resentment, is a breath of fresh air.  Saying NO is too

You'll get the garden together, this year or next.  Maybe consider hiring someone to do the drudge work.....at least while you're so busy?  I envision you taking on one or two young people, interested in gardening/herbs/sharing some produce.  Maybe students who get credits.  My kid's friend group worked at an organic farm, a mea cow/chicken farm and mushroom farm, while in school, for little or no pay.  Just for experience.

I know...... people usually mean complications, but I refuse to believe outreach, and reciprocity, is always a mistake. 

We have teens begging for summer work, around here.  Adults too. Garden and yard work, etc.

Hoping B has a quick and safe trip.
Lighter

[sKePTiKal]

Ya know, it's too much to ask that Hol would be satisfied that i found a faster, less expensive way to solve the future problems with stairs (that may/may not happen). Oh no... she immediately jumps to: well if you're doing laundry or just want to grab something from your big pantry downstairs - you still have to go outside with your coat on in the cold, snow or rain. She's always finding fault, or imagining the potential what-ifs that won't be an everyday occurance - ie, nitpicking my thought process and/or decision.

But O M G, if someone does that to her, then you've totally invalidated her, implied she can't be trusted, and is stupid on top of it.

And if I do a bit of mending - that's wrong too. Why? Because I did something for B instead of for myself.

I hope she DOES go on her trip in Sept for a week/10 days. And I'm actively planning a few trips for B and me, since on his return, he'll be here till spring.

[Hopalong]

Huzzah, outside elevator! (Patting self on back...)

Is it possible for its body and works to be outside but with a door opening to the inside? Even on 2 levels? Or, erect some simple roof out to it?
More $$ than outside-only, but still not a $$$$$ addition. Or, ignore Hol? LOL.

Hope B and H learn to communicate clearly and each say No, or I can do this by X date but not that...instead of mind-reading and seething. Hard on you to be middlemaid.

hugs,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

It's different things with each of them. B sees all current behaviors/events as exactly like what he has had to deal with in the past. It can ONLY be that one thing, in his mind. I keep pointing out how it isn't necessarilly the same. Repetition can have magical results.  <smile> Especially for someone as OCD as he is combined with ADHD attributes. Yes, he has days he needs a lot of "adult supervision". LOL.

Hol thinks EVERYONE "can do better", "try harder", and learn different ways of being, communicating & behaving. My only issue with that, is that the only acceptable result (to her) is to be exactly like HER. Choosing something ELSE gets charactized as being defensive, ashamed, afraid, stubborn, controlling, negative, and disrespecting her "need" to "understand". SIGH. Again, repetition is my chinese water tactic to get her to "allow" people to be something DIFFERENT - and just as equal or valuable.

Neither one of these idiosyncrasies rises much above a level of annoyance for me. Yeah, it's tiresome. But it is familiar and if it threatens to go beyond annoyance - the boundaries get enforced sharply & quickly and both will back off. Then, I'll go read a book for 6 hours. Buh-bye.... I'm done.

I think that's just my introvert coping - I've peopled enough for that day; now like Greta Garbo, I just vant to be ALONE. LOLOLOLOL.

Both have just enough intellectual understanding of psycho-speak to develop rational "explanations". But neither is busting their butt to work through to the letting go point, of things that are based on old traumatic realities that no longer exist in their lives. Hol, in particular, is having a difficult time separating her self, from how she learned to cope way back when, with different people, in different circumstances.

She IS a smart one. And ALWAYS thinking (and overthinking, and recursively thinking). I see a little bit of her learning to relax - truly relax - more. But that's new. Her hypervigilance and anxiety about how she's perceived by others leads her to go as far as imagining other people's feelings and perceptions - and then claiming it's what she sees. And then, she spirals up into her overthinking again. And dominating conversations so much, I in particular can't even form or finish a sentence before she interupts again. If I call her on it, then "I'm not hearing her". SIGH. The implied message is that I'm not accepting her perception, her decision on the motivations behind it, etc etc, ad boredom.

Yeah, I see old patterns from my past - but these are different people, I'm different, and circumstances are VERY different. I look at things for a LONG TIME, before I trust my own discernment of a situation to open my yap and talk about it. I want to know I'm "seeing" and "understanding" my SELF correctly and think about the words I'm going to use so that other people can understand my arcane & fuzzy ways of combining perception and feelings and conclusions.

Some days just aren't "people" days for me.