Nothing much really

[sKePTiKal]

Valley of the Dolls, was the blockbuster novel of women's Rx fixes in the late 60s. They made a movie of it, too. It's quite the "mirror" of past & present women's pysch & emotional issues. Life has been surreal (in moments) for quite some time. The Rolling Stone's "Mother's Little Helper" fits in there musically, along with Grace Slick's "White Rabbit".

Very strange time to be alive and aware of society, politics, and values back then.

[Meh]

Yes, I've heard of Valley of the Dolls though I haven't watched it.

I like seeing all the old advertisements just wish the small text was more clear/less fuzzy.

https://mindfreedom.org/kb/view-d171/

"Burroughs Wellcome (sold meth) eventually merged with Glaxo to form GlaxoWellcome, which then merged with SmithKline Beecham to become GlaxoSmithKline (GSK). So, in a sense, Burroughs Wellcome's legacy is part of the modern pharmaceutical giant GSK"

[Meh]

Been journaling/brain-dumping a lot the past few days in terms of writing to myself. And it's very obvious to me that a great portion of it is at times negative and at other times it's mostly inquisitive or sometimes merely trying to organize and stay on task. Those are the modes I tend to write in I think. The thing about negativity is I know it is 1) sometimes truthful so filled with some truth & 2) sometimes distracting waste of time to think about things negatively 3) maybe even stops me from moving forward but I'm not sure about this as a mechanism I think it's a tad too simple to say negative is the problem in and of itself it could be a symptom etc or just real life 4) it can seem like it is the problem 5) what am I typing here 6) am I wasting time right now. Oh my point. Sometimes within the negativity there is some kind of aspects that are useful maybe. I'm confused. Maybe I have OCD of the brain. Maybe on Monday I should make a doctors appointment for GAD and try to take some pills I don't know. I think I'm just going through a bad moment which I have many. I mean even if I recognize that there is negativity I STILL feel confused it's like okay yeah I see it but I'm not sure what to do with it and in fact maybe I shouldn't do anything about it and just see it as a symptom of stress and disappointments. Bleh. CBT is not for me it's just not I know it's not.  Okay I am just going to see that yes I am having negative thoughts which I just COMPLAIN and rant a lot while I journal. And maybe I should just not judge that stuff. Should I just have compassion over it. Do that radical compassion junk and be like okay these are thoughts. They are passing thoughts. It's a theme right now. It might not always be the dominant theme. Sigh.

[lighter]

 Bleh. CBT is not for me it's just not I know it's not. 

It's good to have clarity, Meh. Lots of alternatives to CBT.  I can't read lately....not sure why.  If you'd like, I'll mail you my copy of You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
  I've meant to read it ever since my T said it's a great multi-tool, if one has use of one tool, iho, of course.

Okay I am just going to see that yes I am having negative thoughts which I just COMPLAIN and rant a lot while I journal.
I couldn't see what was there, behind the judgement...what was real....what was unhelpful unconscious belief until I just sat with my thoughts in curiosity.  It was a starting point
...it was the start of suffering less, IME.
And maybe I should just not judge that stuff. Should I just have compassion over it. Do that radical compassion junk and be like okay these are thoughts. They are passing thoughts. It's a theme right now. It might not always be the dominant theme. Sigh.
Sounds like a new plan, Meh.  We know what old habits bring. Why not try something else?
Short list of helpful habits to consider:
1. Extend tons of self compassion.
2. Release expectations.
3. Drop judgement and replace with curiosity
4. Embrace radical acceptance.
5.  Remember 1. while practicing new habits imperfectly.  Everyone is practicing.  Even 100yo monks.

Journaling always helped me clarify and distill confusion down to manageable truths too, Meh. 
Lighter 


 

[sKePTiKal]

Thoughts are just thoughts, here today gone tomorrow.
Thoughts are NOT YOU; not who you are. They're something you do. Like rubbing your nose.

You get to decide who YOU ARE; and you don't need a wall o' thoughts to have place to breathe in-out as you.