I'd say, go for it in spite of junk insurance, because I believe a smart, compassionate counselor can pop up anywhere. I remember being amazed at how much a MSW counselor in a big public hospital helped me once. I attended a group that was inspiring and then saw her individually for a while.
I think negative rumination is slow poison. It's like you are speaking to yourself in the righteous-justice voice you needed to hear, for validation long ago. Slowly, it can turn to positive, self-respecting thinking. And then you start to understand that you can in fact steer your own thoughts in a different direction.
My first effort was when I started asking myself to talk to myself with the kindness and love I'd give to any child. To actually become my own friend. It has helped a lot. I sometimes catch myself criticizing myself with sharpness the moment the day begins and I face my home's dishevelment. Lately, I've just been reminding myself how I love this sweet place and when I'm ready, even in small steps, I can make it beautiful again. Small steps are fine and perfection ain't the point.
What I'm saying to myself about myself is the most important thing.
hugs
Hops
