I live in California. Where are you?
I am in the dreary Midwest where gray, cold, snow and rain have been quite consistent. Sunny California sounds pleasant although the mudslides don't.
An aside: in these posts, you can see who has counseling skills and who does not. Those without counseling skills jump right to advice-giving and problem solving. Those with counseling skills first acknowledge and affirm the feelings. You are in the second camp.
Although I very much appreciate the compliment, confused2, I wonder if these comments aren't biting the hand that feeds you, so to speak. As your thread shows there have been MANY thoughtful and relevant posts to offer help/advice/clarity on your situation. I'd like to direct us all back to mywifeandI's first post where he said:
<This> is a meeting place of imperfect, hurting people who are hurting and healing and who desperately need each other. I hope we can put this accusation behind us and get on with our mission. Our mission is to help each other to heal from the targeting of N’s and to regain our dignity and voice. All that I can say to each and everyone of you is, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. You are beautiful, You can cry, you can love, you can feel, you can change, you are made in the image of the one who is above all, through all, and in you all. Hugs to you, be healed.
Each and every time we post, I'd like to think our problem is reduced and our insight is increased by the feedback we receive. Most, if not all of it, is valuable.
Because as flower said:
When voices get harsh here, we are speaking from our problems, our own pain or cluelessness. Hopefully, any harshness here is a just a stage in the growth from voicelessness to get past. For none of us wants to be like our abusers. Sometimes we only see our mistakes in retrospect. We are all learning , certainly I am still learning. Our perspectives are changing as we grow
As to what confused2 wrote:
I am feeling quite restless in my career and have plans to see a career counselor. Funny, because when we were engaged, I felt perfectly happy in my job. But now, I am feeling bored and restless. In other words with marriage in the offing, that was going to be my source of adventure at least for a while, but without that, I need to create it somewhere else and my career is a natural place to examine.
I am at the same place and considering a course of graduate study. It would be a big commitment and I'm evaluating this carefully so I'm content with my decision a year from now. It would not only mean staying here for the next two years (and I have a bad taste since our first months were polluted by the N-experience, breakup and aftermath) but giving up some summer evenings in the garden to be in a classroom.
However, it's the perfect time in my career and life to consider this option. Previously my schedule was TOO full so I am at a place where the vessel is empty, so to speak, and I can carefully consider what to add to my life.
