The Betty Broderick Case

[Samantha!]

Here is a link to recent interviews with Betty Broderick. She speaks about abuse in marriage and about her case.

For those who are interessted the link is

http://www.lexxicon.com/bettybroderick.htm

[Samantha!]

Yesterday, I had an encounter with my father. Later I just ate too much. Not overeating, but I ate a little bit too much.

Currently, I am reading the book, The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Donaldson-Pressman...

Well, I read a lot that we children of Nparents are not allowed our feelings. That is why I ate too much. That is why I got the rage.

I guess that is why Betty got the rage either. She was not allowed to be angry by none, not her husband, her family or friends and she had every cause to be angry.

So know that I know that I am not allowed to show any feelings with these people, it is really best to see them as less as possible or unplug them. Like with an electric socket. Just plug them out of our life.

That what I have to do with my father either for my very own health reasons.

Samantha

[Anonymous]

Hi Samantha!

unplug them.

I love this idea!  Just unplug them from our heads, like the plug coming out from a socket.  That is such a great way to think about it!

Unplug them from the socket in our brains.  What?  There's no power here.  Your light's not on.  Can't hear a thing you're saying.  Huh??
I'm afraid you've been unplugged.  Sorry, your plug is out.  You can't connect because you've been unplugged.  Heeheehee!!!

Good thinking girl!!

Hug from GFN

[Samantha!]

GFN, Thanks for the hug.

Yeah, the unplug thing is great. It works pretty well.

Also a very recommended method if you bump into these people who continue to talk gossip or stupid things we do not want to hear, just unplug them from your brain out of the electric socket, let them talk, because they are unplugged we do no longer listen and then, we just leave, ohh gotto go.

Big hug to you GFN

[Anonymous]

Hello GFN and Sam:

I have been reading the post on Betty.  It is my understanding her husband was a lawyer.  It has been my observation that people get really hooked on the "perceived powerful".  It does not matter what Betty told the parents, friends or other interested parties concerned.  If the N exhusband told them black was white as far as Betty was concerned, they believed him over her.  The "perceived power" of the N was greater than reality with these people. Betty felt she had no where to go, no one to really listen to her.  The lies prevailed in her husband's case due to the "perceived" power on his part.  Patz

[Samantha!]

Patz, I agree. But remember, the husband was not only a lawyer, he was also a medical doctor. And he went to Harvard law school and the John Hopkins for medicine. So what kind of better education can you have?

It was a shame that Betty had none who really would have listen to her and I bet that in the times of internet, she would have found someone and she could have checked books on Ns and abusive husbands in the internet.
Thank you reading and responsing Patz. I am happy you like the posts here. The Betty Broderick case had helped me enormously to get on with my life. It really does show what can happen if we do not remove ourselves soon enough from a N.

Samatha

[Anonymous]

Hello,

The lies prevailed in her husband's case due to the "perceived" power on his part. Patz

I'm sure you are correct here.

It was a shame that Betty had none who really would have listen to her

It is a shame.

Regardless, she still had choices:

...just unplug them from your brain

She could have finished it without killing.

Bottom line.  Maybe she felt stuck, maybe she felt totally alone, she was enraged, etc but she did...have choices.

GFN

[/quote]

[Anonymous]

GFN:

So true.  She should have just unplugged him from brain.  How she solved her problem should be exhibit A for all of us here on what not to do.  There are always solutions to problems.  Some get resolved quicker than others.  In my case it took 25 years to resolve.  But, you know what, it resolved finally in the best possible way.......freedom from the N.  

The Brodrick case just highlights that on the winding, twisting road with an N..........you must control your own behavior and responses no matter what.  That is really the only behavior you can control.  The N see us a  cartoon character.  Flat, cardboard like creatures to be moved at their whim, given balloon like comments to insert whatever conversation they deem appropriate, and finally cut out if none of it is to their liking.

Betty is a sad road map on what not to do.  If there is any good out of the Brodrick case, this can be the only thing. Patz

[Anonymous]

Hi ya Patz:

I have a hard time with "should have"s.  It's so hard to know what is best, unless one is right there in it.

But......Betty certainly could have unplugged him from her brain, or could have searched for someone to help her, or could have focussed on a plan to improve her life, or etc.....I  certainly don't know all of her choices but my bet is she definately had some that could have made a difference.

It is a sad road map on what not to do, I totally agree.

I'm sorry you had such a long, hard time of it, Patz, and I'm very, very glad to hear you say it is resolved for you.  That is what matters in the end.

GFN

[Samantha!]

Dear GFN and dear Patz, and of course dear all,

I am also sorry you had such a long, hard time of it, Patz, and I'm also very, very glad to hear you say it is resolved for you. That is wonderful. Some things just seems to take time.

She could have finished it without killing.

Even that she would have killed him, she could have it planned.

That sounds bad about me, but just to stress out how bad it is, if we let Ns take over. Her husband came so often drunk home, she could have let him fallen from the stairs, he would not even remember. But also for that action, she would needed a plan and stick to it. Then the husband would have been gone, she could have gotten the life insurance and continue to live a nice life. And it was known that the husband drunk a lot, everybody know that, so why not take that as an advantage? An accident can alway happen if people are drunk.

I am sure that many people, who have a spouse who is abuseing them and who does not want to get a divorce because of finance reasons go to that extremes. Moreover, I think that the person who is abusing or threating the other one (Mostly it is the wife), is so N that they do not recognize that they getting themselves in a dangerous situation. Like with Bettys husband everyone urged him to get an alarm in the house, but he said he did not need it.

Bottom line. Maybe she felt stuck, maybe she felt totally alone, she was enraged, etc but she did...have choices.

She had and bottom line, leave the N as soon as possible or get a plan to leave him. Because things mostly just get worse if you continue to live with Ns or being in touch with them. Mostly, I think it is easy to get more and more angry on the N. That is why I do not understand people who stay in contact with Ns. If the N is making you so upset, please leave or plan on leaving. This are in my opinion the only possible choices left.

The Brodrick case just highlights that on the winding, twisting road with an N..........you must control your own behavior and responses no matter what. That is really the only behavior you can control.

Yes and here we are again. We have to control US and our responses to THEM, because they are lacking any kind of manners, human behaviour or empathy.And that is making us upset which is a common response on their behaviour. Therefore, we have to control us, not to get natural feelings and we have to use techniques not to get them like manipulation ourselves. The N in the private is just unstandable.

The N see us as cartoon character. Flat, cardboard like creatures to be moved at their whim, given balloon like comments to insert whatever conversation they deem appropriate, and finally cut out if none of it is to their liking.

I agree, got example.

Betty is a sad road map on what not to do. If there is any good out of the Brodrick case, this can be the only thing.

Yes, I agree. Sadly, I think there are many Betty or Berts outside who did that. It happens every day. Mostly the people do not get that famous.

Nice sunday to everybody!

Samantha

[onlyrenting1]

Hi Sam,

I haven't forgotten you, I have been reading the suggested web sites and find them interesting. I had no idea of all the informaiton and thoughts about the case.

I think no matter her husbands problems being an N, she must be responsible for her actions.
She may have been alone and lost everything. Violence and Killing gets you put away. Maybe being smarter about the killing would keep you out of jail. So you go on,you get remarried, find you still deal with life the same way.

When is it your job (Betty's) to  take responsiblity for taking anothers life.
His punishment may have come later, its never in our timing, we need to let lifes dissapointments work themselves out.
 
She may have gone thru all of this for reasons beyond her imagination and it would've worked out to be a wonderful blessing.
Now she may never know,  he pushed her buttons, controled her one last time. What a fool.

Great site Sam, lots to think about.....onlyrenting

[Samantha!]

Dear Onlyrenting, dear others,

I haven't forgotten you, I have been reading the suggested web sites and find them interesting. I had no idea of all the informaiton and thoughts about the case.

I glad that you like it and find it interesting.

I think no matter her husbands problems being an N, she must be responsible for her actions.

We have laws. Unfortunately there is no law against verbal abuse only togehter with other criminal acts. So you have the option, either a) to plan a killing and do not get caught b) to do a killing and get caught and punished. The choice is yours. Even if we truly are the opinion that some people do not deserve to live any longer, selfjustice is not allowed.

When is it your job (Betty's) to take responsiblity for taking anothers life.
His punishment may have come later, its never in our timing, we need to let lifes dissapointments work themselves out.

You are right the punishment of other people always seems to come too late.

Now she may never know, he pushed her buttons, controled her one last time. What a fool.

That is what I found out about my father, he likes to control me with all his lieing, justification and wrongdoing. With toxic people there is not other way to control yourself as long as you are with them. Therefore we strongly should limit your time with them, because it is too much tension to be togehter with these people. If you do not control yourself, because a natural reaction is at some point to loose it and say just stop this abusive behaviour and do get angry. That is just natural. But then if we loose it the Ns, says happily, look you lost it, see you can not control yourself, you are the crazy one. To the best ist to stay away from people like that. God, I hate my parents. They go so on my nerves and I am sooo happy, if I finally can cut them out of life. What awful and nasty people they are!

But still, I can understand it. I just had an unpleasent phone call again with my Nfather. The guy is so irrational, so evil and does not look anyhow in the mirror for his own behaviour. But I do try not to get affected that much anymore and to keep going on with my own plan.

I am so glad if these people who are called my parents are finally out of my life. First they will be out of my life, because I am gone and do not have to be in touch with them anymore and second there will be the day they both death.

Samantha

[onlyrenting1]

Sam,

We have laws. Unfortunately there is no law against verbal abuse only togehter with other

This is so true, I think this is the battle we all have. Think about it from the time we were little, we learn from peoples words, they can be uplifting or so distructive. I think women especialy, are affected more from words.
I know there is no magic button, I do like your Idea about unplugging their power. Maybe someday they should invent a lock for the voice box so the verbal abusive people are forbiden to speak.  

says happily, look you lost it, see you can not control yourself, you are the crazy one. To

I have had this happen, and sometimes its comes out of nowhere and is quite creepy. They are desparate people saying anything to make you believe it's you.

But still, I can understand it. I just had an unpleasent phone call again with my Nfather. The guy is so irrational, so evil and does not look anyhow in the mirror for his own behaviour.

I know at one time I didn't understand it, and now I do. This has got to be your best tool to overcome all of this.
I have walked away from my relationship with my mother so long ago.
When I do see her, it is ALWAYS DAYS,  BEFORE I GET BACK TO NORMAL.

Let me tell you this story. The last person you want to have any kind of physic feelings about is someone you dont get along with.

I live in Califonia, we have the LA County Fair, Thousand of people.
My H and I are walking and I tell him I get this odd feeling Im going to see my Mother. I had not seen her in 10yrs, Why would I think I would see anyone I knew let alone my mother who lived in Oregon at the time.

I'm walking and looking and there she is.. "I said Mom, I walked up to her, she didn't see me. I was in such disbelief. We talked a short while and found, she was in the area to visit with my sisters. She never tells me when she is in town.  

I don't understand it but maybe when we don't get along with a parent we are able to hyper-sence their evilness and we feel out of balance when we are around them.
Wild stuff, this hper-sensing just came to me. I always remember  seeing her then, there was a very strong feeling, I had a sick feeling in my stomach or butterflys something very strong. I kept looking and knowing I was going to see her.  I wish it wasnt like this with her but it is, Im better off not being around her.

I wish you could put an invisible shield to keep out their bad feelings.

Take care Onlyrenting

[Samantha!]

Dear Onlyrenting,

thank you for sharing the story. I also think that sometimes I just feel the evil.

I know at one time I didn't understand it, and now I do. This has got to be your best tool to overcome all of this.

Since I am working on the issues, reading books abouts Ns and being on this board, I can understand that better. The evil.

When I do see her, it is ALWAYS DAYS, BEFORE I GET BACK TO NORMAL.

Can you you-if you feel confident to do so describe that?

I don't understand it but maybe when we don't get along with a parent we are able to hyper-sence their evilness and we feel out of balance when we are around them

.

Maybe we are like animals, we feel the fear that something which has harm us once is around. Danger if around, we just feel it.

Wild stuff, this hper-sensing just came to me. I always remember seeing her then, there was a very strong feeling, I had a sick feeling in my stomach or butterflys something very strong. I kept looking and knowing I was going to see her. I wish it wasnt like this with her but it is, Im better off not being around her.

Maybe that is your personal alarm system.

I will write more on that, later

Samantha

[onlyrenting1]

Sam,

Quote:
When I do see her, it is ALWAYS DAYS, BEFORE I GET BACK TO NORMAL.  
Can you you-if you feel confident to do so describe that?

I would have an upset feeling inside of me knowing I would be seeing her . I would feel distracted antisipating, her behavior.
Days later I would remember how she treated me cold and uncaring.
During a visit I would think how the time is almost over, she hasn't dug the knife in yet, and as I leave she makes sure she would say something hurtful.
maybe make a hurtful comment out of no where like she wanted to say it all along then had to spit it out just before I was about to leave.

I would never look forward to a visit Knowing I was about to enter the Den of lions. I would have to deal with the silent treatment from her and my sisters and their kids. I would walk in a room and she would be cold to me, barley making idle conversation. maybe reading or doing something else, no eye contact. My sisters would follow suite, be in their little huttle, making sure my mom would see they barley noticed me in the room. Or one niece, was horrible she would say something rude so I would feel so angry I truley wanted to wash her mouth out. I guess I never did anything to this child(30) and could not understand her hatefullness.
I would always make the visit short, tell her I loved her, she would never return it with I love you too.

I would try and shake if off, I had to learn that she was always this way to me and nothing I do or say will change her.
I would tell myself I like who I am. She decided not to know me, so how can she be judgement of who I really am.
I say I love you and I get nothing. It must be, she has no Love inside of her to give. Can't squeeze the love out of someone so empty. Just accept it, not wanting to change it, or make the effort.
I just never got anything back from her so Im empty inside to care.
She makes no effort to know about my 12 yr old and that's fine.
It hurts my daughter that her grandma has little to do with us. We try and focus on the her grandpa, who loves us very much.

I hope I didn't go off the track too much. I do have a lot of hurt from her and have had 27 yrs with as little as possible to do with her.

onlyrenting