Anyhow, speaking of tofu.....ummm......ok....maybe I'll try the soup thingy. Sometime. And I won't bully tofu or the soy bean if I can possibly help it. 
im glad. it really is good in spaghetti sauce.
and im squeamish about texture... i cant even eat plain yogurt.
now GFN, this next bit was just so good, that I am going to REINFORCE it! because, reinforcement is the way to learn new stuff, and the things you said were so so good they bear reinforcing, so here goes. its a great synthesis of the whole 'how to be positive' thing.
I mean, it took awhile to develop whatever negative ways we have of thinking...
I do believe it's like any other skill....it can be learned...but it takes time and effort. And it is well worth achieving.
Nothing worth achieving is easy.
YES YES YES YES YES. its a skilll, its a habit, and skills and habits can be built, step by step, with persistence and dedication, just like the negative ones were. we were convinced step by step over long periods of time that we were worthless and horrible, and we can turn it around, step by step by step, over time. lets say I heard 1000 times in my life, "you are worthless". and i came to believe it. thats how advertising and propaganda works. repetition and reinforcement. well, then I need to say to myself at least 1000 times,
"you are worthwhile". and it =will= sink in, just as I came to believe that other thing. but it needs to be constantly reinforced, just like the other beliefs were. it takes work and time and it will take root. 1000 times is a lot of times, so all the more reason to get started.
i want to reinforce your 'steps' becuase very similar steps have been very very helpful for me.. and they have been so incredibly useful that i want to 'second' everything you are saying here. you said:
Here are some things I do when I'm feeling stuck in negative mode.
These aren't my inventions. They have helped many.
1. Get up and move........to a different spot in your home, preferable outdoors, or at least to another room.yes..... do -anything- to create momentum away from your usual trajectory. i think the name for it is... inertia? you will keep moving the way you have been moving, unless you actively change it? maybe scientists could help with that one. but, one thing I would add to this, is keep your goals real small at first. be happy with tiny baby steps. just go outside for a minute. take a different way home from the store. be very very happy with yourself if you are able to do something even a little something different. allow yourself to feel success. build on that success. rome wasnt built in a day.
there is evidence that thought processes actually form physical structures in the brain, somewhat like erosion marks. where water has flowed in great amounts, there will be deep furrows. where your thoughts have flowed for years, there will be established pathways. you kind of have to consciously choose to chip away a new path for your thoughts, starting small, like digging a new path for water that has flowed a certian way for a long time.
2. Drink water. Water is necessary for many chemical reactions to occur naturally and smoothly in your brain. yup. water is so helpful for thinking clearly and helping your cells work. to take this further, when i have a bottle of water on the counter, I will visualise onto it all my positive thoughts, positive colors, whatever im visualising, so that I am 'drinking' positive thoughts, whenever i drink the water. its just another little tiny thing, but the idea is, all those tiny things, add up mentally over time.
i also want to add to this, eat food, which is kind of obvious. when im depressed, i tend to not allow myself to eat; and i really have to remind myself that i deserve to eat and that i deserve to be alive.
one habit i have done for several years is to say to myself whenver i eat or drink anything:
"why am i doing this? becuase I love myself, and I deserve good things." it reminds me and focuses me. its positive propaganda, to counter all the voices that told me i was unlovable and undeserving. i love myself, and i deserve good things. i say that to myself with every thing that i eat.
3. Tell yourself: "I'm ok". These two words give your mind a quick emotional break. Easy to remember. Two little words. They can help break a pattern of thinking that is not helping you, at this point.another great step. to expand upon this - may i suggest continual talking back to yourself. (maybe not out loud unless your alone!) this has helped me hugely. I used to hear in my head all the time a voice that said 'you cant'. at a certain point i started saying to myself everytime i heard that - YES I CAN!!!!
whenver I hear that voice in my head saying 'i cant' i say immediately, 'yes i can'. i argue with these voices. i never let them get the last word. when something in my head tries to tell me something negative, I argue with it. I come up with a counterstatement, and i will instantly argue with myself whenver i hear myself trying to be negative or run a negative tape. IT WORKS. like anything. its a habit. it can take several years. but, it =will= work. its been several years, but i rarely hear that voice, and when i do, i squash it very fast. before it used to domnate my thoughts.
if you know you have something negative you continually hear or think, think of something to say back to it, and
do it. keep doing it. it will make a difference.
4. Then tell yourself: "No more of this neg junk for 5 minutes". 5 minutes isn't a very long time, is it? you have to let yourself get a break. if you have a broken arm, they will give you aspirin. nobody expects people to sit there in physical pain 24/7. you have to have a break from mental pain too.
5. Focus on something.....anything good for the entire 5 minutes. I like to walk outside and find a bird to watch, a rock to admire, or a tree to observe. If the weather is crappy then I might look at a picture of someone I love, talk, play with, pat/hug my dog/s, or sit in a chair, close my eyes, relax my body, and visualize something lovely...like the waves on the ocean, blue sky, white sand, sail boats......whatever is nice and soothing and enjoyable. people here might remember those 'mood rings' from the '70s that change color with your mood. i had one of those last year and played some games with it when i was in a bad space mentally. i found that i could change the color of the mood ring, by looking at photographs of my daughter. IT WORKS. simply looking at her face, caused me to relax. you can change your mood, by focusing on or immersing yourself in something positive for you. it wont just happen easily maybe. it may take a little practice and persistence. so does anything in life. but it will work.
6. Breath......deeply, slowly, paying attention to each breath, feeling the oxygen coming into your lungs, and letting yourself exhale slowly and comfortably. Oxygen is also detrimental to many chemical processes in the brain. Breathing deeply allows more oxygen into our lungs, into our cells, which circulates to our brain. Breathing deeply and slowly can actually slow and strengthen our heart rate, which makes the movement of that oxygened blood more efficient and allows for it to be delivered to our brain cells quicker and more fully than short, quick breathing does (which is what we do under stress/in fight and flight mode......which is meant for short periods and not healthy as a long term response to stress). Remembering to breath can be a real life safer, helping us to think clearer and relax some, during stressful periods. Negative mode is a stressful period when our brains need more oxygen to work more efficiently.cant possibly ever say enough about breathing. if breathing can get a woman through labor, it can get people through
anything..... you can =always= always always breathe. its good for panic. its good for insomnia. its good for depression. there is nothing that more oxygen isnt good for. theres a million breathing exercises out there and i reeeeallllly recommend learning some. its something anyone can do, its free, you dont need any equipment, medicine, etc, and it really really =really= REALLY helps.
7. Now do something else. By now, you should be successfully out of negative mode...even though it has only been a short period. You can now decide to go do something enjoyable or useful, to give yourself a break from focussing on your troubles. You can return to your problems later, when you are feeling stronger and more able to actually deal with them, or when you feel the need to release more feelings. i agree. once you have chipped out a new pathway, take a few steps onto it. strengthen it. you will need to keep digging for quite a while, to establish that pathway as a road, and then pave it, and then put up signs... and then little orange juice stands.. then a pizza place... after awhile you will be driving your new road instead of the old one, which will hopefuly soon be reclaimed by the landscape, through disuse. but rome wasnt built in a day. it must be done bit by bit with repetition and intent.
8. Repeat and extend numbers 1,2,3, 4, 5 and 6 to form a new habit. If you are in the habit of thinking negative thoughts, for long periods of time, focussing on the negative stuff in your life and breathing as if you are being chased by a bear, depriving your brain/body of plenty of water and staying in one spot.......it will do you good to work on changing this.plan to repeat these steps a lot of times. it didnt take us overnight to get this way. it wont take overnight to get out. that doesnt mean it isnt worth working at.
9. Plan. When you feel better, not so negative about everything, open to considering different ideas.....sit down and try to examine one problem at a time. Try to discover solutions. Try to think of ways to improve the situation.
10. Which goes hand in hand with number 10.....make lists....write stuff down. Even if it seems silly. Look it over and see if there is anything that you can live with. See if there are things that can be done/thought of differently/dealt with in a reasonable way. Try to list what you need/want ..what your needs/wants are and how to work towards satisfying them.ok, i list EVERYTHING. i keep a notebook - and every day i write down a list. this list is:
goals (meaning what my goals are and steps to meet them)
art (my job)
eat (whether i ate)
water (whether i drank water)
chores (how much energy i put towards chores)
exercise (whether i exercised)
techniques (meaning breathing or emotional techniques, whether they were necesary, and if they were, what feelings i was having that made me need them)
at the end of the day, i put a number next to each of those categories depending on whether i did them or not. i give myself credit and allow myself to feel successful, if i was able to do those things even a tiny bit. if i dont, i just write 'REST' next to them, becuase that was a day i needed to rest, so thats what i did instead. whichever i did, i give myself credit for it.
these are called 'self cueing techniques'. they allow me to see waht im doing, when im doing it, why im doing it, and how im feeling about it. it keeps me focused and helps me appreciate myself and track my changes. its a hugely useful tool to keep moving and focused. it might seem stupid or juvenile to many people, but a lot of times, we sabotage ourselves becuase we are afraid to look stupid or juvenile. sometimes, you have to start with those baby steps. its either start with a baby step or never start. id rather start with a baby step.
these techniques would be different for everyone depending on what your goals are. they are a way to learn about yourself, stay focused on your goals, and be sure that your actions are matching your intent.
they can also give you information about your emotions and what they are connected to and why they come up. it gives you a way to feel good about what you are doing right. sometimes you find you are doing more 'right' than you thought you were. sometimes you find you are doing something obvious that you need to stop but would never have noticed otherwise.
some people might not be so bad off that they need to do that every day. for people that are really really bad off, <like i have been and still am> i recommend it as a lifeline. if you do it over a really long time you can also see how far youve come which can feel really good.
if you have a therapist they can help you figure out self-cuing techniques that are good for you.
Negative thinking doesn't just keep us emotionally off keel...it can have a negative physical effect too. It's tough on our physical hearts. Can cause all kinds of illnesses/or enhance those illnesses that are already present. Positive thinking can help people recover from a lot. 10 minutes, morning and night, of relaxing, breathing, focussing can help to form a new habit which will enhance health. Drinking more water (and eating a healthy diet) enhances all aspects of health. Doing activities we enjoy or give us a sence of accomplishment...enhances life period...gives us stuff to look forward to...and gives a break from the pain......
Hypocondriacs really believe they are sick. Placebos really do cure some of their illnesses. What better proof of what the mind can do and undo is there?i am with you 10000000000%.
the thing is.... in the physical world, if you want a baloney sandwich, you cant just wish for one and have it appear... you have to get the bread, get the mustard, spread it around, slice it, wash a plate, before you have a sandwich. i think its the same in the mental/emotional world. you cant just wish to be better or to have something different and have it appear. you have to build it, step by step, just like a sandwich or any other thing.
great great post GFN, like always. thank you.
take care
Anna
