Wow, Vunil. I do know what you are talking about. In the last year I have changed so much, learned so much about myself, what I deserve and will and will not accept in personal relationships.
Pema Chodron says, "you think you are on a path to spiritual enlightenment? Go visit your family!!!"
The very first test for me was with one of my sisters. She told me how I should be doing life, I told her she was entitled to her opinions, as was I, and we didn't speak for about 5 months (we live far apart). It was hard but I realized that our old relationship was based on her assuming I was needy, my listening to her advice whether I wanted it or not....and that's how it went. She was great at the rearview mirror thing (Rhonda Britton talks about that in Fearless Living): bringing up my past failures where her advice could have saved me...and the ultimate, it's because I love you so much, you (blah), need (blah), me (blah)!
She was a little stunned , and recently we have started talking again, but I noticed, she has a really hard time listening if I tell her ANYTHING about my ex and how he messes with me and the kids (" I thought you were over that!") So: we talk about the weather, and we are no longer close, yes that hurts but the definition of close has changed for me...I am NO LONGER a pathetic little sister, and I won't be just to make her comfortable.
I know I have more boundaries to set with my good friend who has been away for a year. She will be back this weekend. She is frequently negative, always right, and judgemental. It's going to be very interesting around here soon. For some reason, I am still her friend, although I wonder WHY more often than a friend should....I have such mixed feelings about her, but I'm pretty sure the back of my neck shouldn't sieze up when I think of seeing a friend.....
(another chance to practice letting go of negativity and focus on the positives...)
I have a some other friends whose relationship with me has changed as well. Some I wouldn't even call friends anymore and some who call ME for advice now, like they were weaklings all along and they need me now that they can't control me!
It is lonely sometimes (while the hell do you think I have time to write here?)........ and it took me a while to realize that I would rather spend time alone than with "users".
Just recently, I started meeting unofficially with a small group of women, ages, 30's, 40's 50's, 60's...........and we share thoughts, caffiene every week or two....I love them all so much.
It's honestly the closest I have ever been to being part of a loving group of people since my childhood full of siblings.