Anxiety, anxiety, PANIC

[Anonymous]

Mum said:

Let 'em get mad. Maybe he will get so mad, his head will explode like those "fembots" in Austin Powers! Anyhow, anger is HIS trademark, not mine.

Yeah, baby!  

How fitting since N's are nothing but robots.

Mia

[Stormchild]

My kids were "adults" when I left and they actually all encouraged me to leave...It was a mixed blessing.  I probably could not have done it without their support but I was so sad that they knew who he really was and is.  I thought I was keeping a lid on everything....denial, denial, denial... Bittles

Oh, bittles, don't be sad about their awareness - be relieved - it's a gift from God. They may be spared what you went through, and they will hopefully not be compelled to re-enact his script, either.

((((((((((Bittles))))))))))

[dogbit]

Oh, I'm not that sad....mostly sad for what might have been.  You know the common wisdom is that parents always want their kids to go farther than the parent has.  My kids are lots more people/relationship smart than I was so all is well ... And I do not have asterisk syndrome!  

[Stormchild]

I do not have asterisk syndrome!  

Bittles, I'm glad you don't, because  ***at's da risk*** we take when we post here!      

((((((((((bittles))))))))))

BTW, thanks... do you know how nice it is to be able to goof around in a safe place? yeah, you probably do. have a great day, bittles.

[longtire]

Bittles, I'm glad you don't, because  ***at's da risk*** we take when we post here!      

Good *one Stormchild!  **Now that's my*** kind of humor.  ****Anyway, I**** don't think **********you need to****** worry about********* AS being contagious.*************** I certainly*** don't have**** a ***problem with***** it, I can**** stop anytime******* I want!  

[Stormchild]

I giggled for about 5 minutes, Longtire. Thanks!

                   

[Anonymous]

Bittles:

Be happy that your children encouraged you to leave.  I was trying to get my mother to do the same, but she was not strong enough emotionally.  I tried to push her over the edge by telling her a secret I had kept from her with regard to my n father for about 20 years.  I think she was just on the cusp of leaving to move in with her sister when she passed away.

  She passed away a broken hearted individual, staying around 40 years for the n crumbs that my n father tossed her way.  He remarried within 10 months to his mistress that he fathered a child by.  By the way, the child he fathered he never took care of either.  He was just looking for someone else to take over my mother's job........taking care of him.

My n father had many affairs.  The secret I finally told her was......I was finally home from college one summer and the phone rang.  I answered the phone and for the life of me I do not know why I answered it as my mother.  The person on the other end asked to speak to Mrs. So and So and I replied that I was she.  The man on the other end said "Please tell your husband to stay away from my wife."  I replied, "What makes you think my husband is seeing your wife".  Well the man replied, "I found checks made out to her by your husband."   I told the man at that point I was not my mother but the daughter.  The man replied "Oh, I am so very sorry I  have let this out and you are involved."  I simply told him that this was not a surprise inasmuch my father had never been faithful to my mother.  Bare in mind he was writing checks to this woman but yet he could not help me pay for my college room and board?  Yep a total N.

I decided not to tell my mother because she would not leave and it would continually hurt her.  I waited to tell her when I felt she was wavering about not leaving my N father.  So don't be sorry about your children encouraging you to leave.  Your very life depended on it.  Your N ex is a very sad creature that even his OWN children recognize him for what he is.   From my point of view this does not bode well for his old age.  Of course him being an N, he is like Dorian Grey, destined to never get old.  Yet when he finally looks into the picture, he will see nothing but an old shriveled, warp blob imitating a human.

Patz

[dogbit]

Patz...Thank you so much!  I was just sad that I could not make it work.  But, it was really a time to let go and let God.  Your father sounds a lot like my husband and "The Picture of Dorian Grey" is a book I often think about when thinking about my husband.  His image is so important to him.  I'm sorry about your father.  My father tried to leave my mother at one point and just couldn't do it.  I often wish he had.  He only had a year and a half after she died and the last six months of it were spent being quite ill.  He knew what she was but I guess in their generation, there was an honor code that obligated him to stay with someone who couldn't even cook her own meals.  I remember one time asking him if he thought I was like her.  I thought that whatever she had would hit me at some point and I would become her clone.  He said no, I was not like her at all.  Thanks, Dad...but it was mixed with resentment because he left me alone with her for all of the eighteen years before I finally left.  I'm not such a great Christian.  I can forgive him but not her.  Shortly before she died, Daddy went to the doctor and came home and told us he had prostate cancer.  He was sitting in the kitchen looking stunned.  First thing she said was, "well, who's going to take care of me now?"  Usually, when I get this serious in a  post, I try to think of something funny to say but it just isn't coming to me right now.  Let's be the ones to break the cycle.  Bittles

[Anonymous]

Bittles:

When I find myself thinking about these things, I tend to say to myself :Stop think about something positive.  Right now I am trying to think if I should be doing something else workwise.  I work part time at the front desk at a gym.  It really does not take much effort working there but I think I need more of a challenge.  However at 55 just how much of a challenge do I need?

Right now I am learning how to paint.  I did not know I had a bent for this and I really enjoy it.  So I am going to try to expand on this activity.  It all started with me painting birdhouses!  I did this for my Sunday School class for Mother's Day (we auction these off and the congregation buys them for their mums).  At any rate someone told me that I should do it professionally.  I just thought they looked ok.  The main thing is I really enjoyed doing it.  

I hope your day goes well and that the Lord Blesses your day. Much love to you Bittles.

Keep on keeping on
Patz

[Brigid]

Patz,

However at 55 just how much of a challenge do I need?

Right now I am learning how to paint. I did not know I had a bent for this and I really enjoy it. So I am going to try to expand on this activity.

Good for you.   We are the same age and I am now searching for something I would enjoy investing my time and energy in.  I sooooo wish I had some kind of artistic talent as that sounds so appealing, but sadly I was just not given that gift.  

I continue to pray about it and assume that God will help direct me to something that will provide fullfillment and enjoyment.  

(((((((Patz)))))))

Brigid

[mum as guest]

Brigid: Ok, this is off the thread....but, too bad you don't live in my city.  A bunch of "older" women in the neighborhood asked me to give them drawing lessons.  Drawing realistically is often seen as a "measure' of "artistic talen" and it really is a great foundation for a  world opening up, artistically.

The group includes women ages 30-55 and includes an attorney, a doctor, a teacher, a few stay at home young moms.....
all who felt they "didn't have talent", didn't want to brave the University art classes...the thing is, drawing is a skill!!  They just didn't have the right instruction!  Same with you!  They are all shocked at what they can do, now.  Now I have a new group that wants to start!

I want to sing opera.....I can carry a tune, but know nothing about this kind of singing....so I think my next move, at my "age" is to get lessons.

So, Brigid (anyone) here are some good books that might inspire you:
"Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" by Betty Edwards
and "The Natural Way to Draw" by Kimon Nikolaides
Have fun!
Sorry about the detour.....

[Anonymous]

Mum,

You know far more about this than me, but  I've tried teaching a few non- gifted people how to draw and I'm sorry, but I don't think Botticelli could get these people competent enough to play 'hangman'.
They did seem to have a real gift as far as abstract art, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't intentional.  
What am I doing wrong?
By the way Brigid, I also know several people who thought they had no talent and genuinely surprised themselves when they gave it a try.

mudpup

[dogbit]

I can't paint or draw    although my brother, father, and one daughter have a natural talent.  So I draw on my computer.  I digitize embroidery and design knitting patterns.  And I quilt using quilting software (and a sewing machine   )  Many, many ways to be creative!  I've wanted to look into stained glass.  I love art that has a very mechanical basis.  Love tools....I once dated an "artist" like in he painted pictures and I was bemoaning the fact that I could not draw.  I could only take the pieces around me and arrange them "artfully".  God bless him, he told me that was art also and not everyone could do it.  Just think of where I would be now if he had agreed with me    *******bittles****** Now I do have asterisk syndrome...it seemed to creep up on me.  First I would use them to do internet searches and then I found myself using them socially......

[Anonymous]

Bittles:

I have a top that I have embroderied, it is queen size.  I have not yet quilted it because I have not had time.  I also like to sew and knit.  A little old lady of 82 taught me to knit when I was pregnant with my son.  It just seems all of the sudden I have decided I like to paint.  When you find something  you can be creative out, it becomes a very nice outlet that you can see and be proud of.

Patz

[Brigid]

Well since we have completely hijacked this thread to discuss artistic endeavors, I guess I will continue.  I have actually got some talent in the knitting and needlepoint arena.  When I was in the throws of my depression and just needed to keep my hands busy, I took up knitting scarves.  There are so many beautiful yarns these days and many fun ways to use them.  I knitted probably 30+ scarves for all my friends and family members.  I even had a complete stranger buy one in a hotel lobby (long story).

Mum, thanks for the encouragement in the drawing area.  Maybe I will give it a try, but I'm not holding out much hope.

Brigid