acapella and the other n-partners

[hope2003]

Yes echo:  you recommended that we come here.  The least that Sandahl could have done was to leave up your thread so that those who wanted to leave, or those that she kicked off could get support.  Instead she pulled out our life line.  I was getting a lot of support.  She silenced me, Mindy and you, and then manipulated the situation with posts to help her get sympathy.  

I will not beg to come back.  She owes me an apology.  I am sorry if I touched on any soft spots because I never want to hurt somebody, but I am not going to enable her.

[Jaded911]

The more I think about Sands behavior, the more I know I was right about her acting in a N manner.  I also know this, I will be damned if I will apologise for saying so.  I did that over and over and over with my N to calm a situation.  Looking back to those times, I apologized for something that he did or said, no more.  I am woman enough to accept responsibility for my actions, but I will be damned if I will be a woman who accepts responsibility for others actions.  I do not always have to be right, but everything Sand did screams how desperate she is to always feel she is right.  IMHO, she sucker punched and ran just as my xN did.  If you look back to some of her post, she clearly demonstrates that she feels her word to be the gospil truth.  She might possess alot of knowledge about NPD, but I do not recall her mentioning she has a PHD in psychology.  I stand by what I said, and guess what, if she doesn't like what I had to say, then prove me wrong.  Help me see that I am wrong, I welcome challenges.  The only thing I think she did was to prove me right.

[hope2003]

I agree and that was the point I kept trying to make to Sandahl both on the board and privately.  

I will share our exchanges with anyone who sends me a private message and they can judge for themselves.

I know that some of you N partners are reading this, and nobody is going to bat for us.

Sandahl has created fear.

[hope2003]

Jaded, I can't find fault in you, and the fact that she erased her own thread where she demands that the discussion stop now speaks volumes about her guilt.  I would love for the other partners to be able to review everything that happened.

Maybe you guys should start a new thread with copies of some of the deleted posts.  I have a copy of my original thread, but that is it.  then the Npartners who lurk here can check it out.

[Acappella]

I will share our exchanges with anyone who sends me a private message and they can judge for themselves.

DITTO

I know that some of you N partners are reading this, and nobody is going to bat for us.

NOR THEMSELVES REALLY.  

Sandahl has created fear.

She didn't create those who give into it.  She is a great harvester of the fear that is there.  And she is planting more seeds.  IT IS MORE CLEAR NOW WHO IS MORE FRIGHTENED OF FEAR THAN WHO, IN THIS CASE AT LEAST.  "We have nothing to fear but fear its self...."  So, so true.  Fear is a teacher not a preacher, an indicator not a harbinger ...if she/we fear it, run from it how can we learn from it?  I am getting courage from this incident.  

I am learning that to feel really safe with people I need to choose folks with the sort of integrity and courage and confidence being demonstrated in response to this event by you folks here in this thread.  You are well named HOPE.  

Arrg.  THis is exhausting!

[bunny]

Hello, I was hermione on n-partners. I am sorry that this terrible thing occurred. What a betrayal by Sandahl. Hope contacted me and told me about this board and what occurred on N-partners. I hadn't read N-partners after I decided to leave. I had no private conversations with Sandahl at all. I just felt that she was becoming hostile. Basically I thought she would kick me off, so I left first. Then this stuff happened afterward where she became very punitive and horrible to you guys. I wanted to say it is awful what she did, and thank goodness this forum was here. Thanks echo for telling people about this forum.

[hope2003]

Welcome bunny/hermione:  I wish you could have been on the board to see the support that came pouring out for you.  Your advice has always been welcome, as have your lively discussions.

Hopefully, we can come together here, in a safe place.

Echo, it seems that you experienced the biggest slight of all of us.  you didn't even have a private tiff with Sand.  The good news is that I think that we have separated to a group that can support each other and we can get back to healing.

[Jaded911]

Bunny/Herm,

It is good to see you here. You do not owe anyone an apology for what occurred.  You did nothing wrong.  Part of the healing process  is knowing when you were in the wrong and when you need to offer an apology.  If I felt you were in the wrong, I would not have posted.  I observed Sands hostile responses to you.  IMHO she directed several comments to you in a demeaning manner, she presented her opinions as the final word on certain subjects.  She would ask for clarity about something, when you replied, she abruptly shot down your comments.  You just do not ask someone to clarify, then immediately hush them up because they are stating what you dont want to hear.  If a person can not listen to a response,  why would they ask for clarity.  

We had to apologize to many times for things that we did not do or say.  It was the only way  to keep the peace with our N.  Well, you did not do anything wrong, so I refuse to believe that an apology is necessary from you.

I do not know you nor do I know Sand.  What I do know is that right is right and wrong is wrong.  I chose to speak out.  I have no regrets about what I said, I will not agree to accept this type of behavior from anyone. I felt so helpless not being able to speak out with my xN.  I refuse to regress back to that.  Sand has her right to voice her opinion, but dang, we also have that right as well.  

I spoke out because it appeared to me you had to justify every word you said in order to explain something she perceived in the wrong manner. Every post of yours was a result of something she had twisted from a prior post.  

I am glad that you are at the point in your recovery process that you did not allow this incident to make you feel you were responsible for all of this happening.  Being a mature adult means that you have to learn to take responsibility for your own actions, not everyone elses just to keep the peace.  Sand acted in a very immature manner.  I have had enough of people trying to make others responsible for everything.  I am on to more peaceful days in my life.  Speaking my opinion once again proves to me that I feel worthy enough to do so.  I feel I deserve to speak my mind, just as you, hope, and Sand all do.  But ya have to be willing to also listen to others, she just didnt feel we were saying the right things.  She was wrong.  But I wont sit around and wait for an apology.  Been there done that, it didnt happen.

Mindy

[I_am_mine]

I know that some of you N partners are reading this, and nobody is going to bat for us.

I'm at a bit of a disadvantage because I missed the whole beginning of this, but I've already made a second post and sent a second email to Sandahl.

Please don't misunderstand me, I really don't know any of you personally, so it's hard for me to go to bat for specific people, plus the fact that I'm so new on that board, I really haven't even gotten the atmosphere yet.

I did, however post the mission statement, and in her reply, she twisted the words to mean something else entirely.  That was one of the things I brought up in my second post.  Also, the mission statement page has been changed, and specifically mentions "managers" not being subject to attack (also all the regular members).

There were a couple of questions I asked that I'm interested in seeing if she answers.  One big issue I have is, I don't know how that board was before, but since I'm so new, it just doesn't seem like a safe, secure, tolerant, comfortable place to talk about the things we need to talk about.  I'd feel very uncomfortable posting anything more personal than I have already, which wasn't much.

Sorry I couldn't go to bat for each of you individually. From what I understand, I can see your point, and considering what I posted there, I cannot see hers.

Best of luck to you all, hope I'll get to know you better over here, I haven't done much posting here, either, but I really love this board!

bobbie

[hope2003]

Thank you for your support.  I think that you made our point.  If the information would have been out there for all to assess, Sandahl would have been found to be in the wrong.  There are some real power issues here.  

My bet is that she erases your thread.  It seems to be her pattern.

[Anonymous]

Jaded/Mindy,

Thanks. I'm grateful that you saw how unfair and hostile Sand was. That's what I saw, too.  I knew that saying anything to her was futile; she has posted in the past that she doesn't tolerate dissent of any kind. She could use a reality-check.

I'm glad we can be together here.

[Acappella]

Bobby, I really appreciated your posts, your voice in the wilderness so to speak in Sandahl's "to those with complaints"  post.

Congradulations to all emancipated from the latest fantasy land field trip.  

Proud to say I am no longer a "member" of the Sandahl board.  

NPartners is also an apt name for the collusion going on there and the denial of the Nism lurking in us all.  

I just reread Sandahl's post and saw the "3 people have been removed from membership...not banned...removed"  At least she isn't lying afterall. Now I feel that everyone at the old site who reads that thread has more than enough information if and when they are ready to see what is in front of them - word salad it is called.  (do a search on this site if you are not familiar with that term and want to learn more)  Now I don't even care to go back to the site to alert anyone who has read that thread.  They have all they need to know if they want to see it or are capable.  For those who haven't read Sandahl's posts and are continuing unawares...I still believe there are signs and I feel for them - I hadn't interacted with Sandahl much if at all and didn't know she was the manager when I asked "who decides when a thread has served its purpose?".  I don't know if I would have picked up on her potential or how realized it was.  Anyway for anyone who has read the "to those with compliants thread" there is nothing subtle about what she is doing.  In this instance it appears to me anyone reading that and sticking around needs an authority figure and to belong more than they need a healthier, freer environment to belong to.  How can they defend us if they can't at least see the problem?  We of all peoples have the experience to understand that.

I understand and I'm so OUTTA THERE!

[hope2003]

Gee, banned vs. removed.  If it is involuntary, is there a difference?

I kind of like this place.  I can finally use the cute emoticions.

[Acappella]

P.S. Bobbie

love what you wrote

Why do I look at everyone else, and expect to see me reflected in their eyes?

.  (this and Hope's signature about "fool me twice" are big flags to me that you both focus on accepting responsibility & the concomitant power that can bring. COOL)

(What a concept - flags that signal good things. I am weary of scanning the horizon for creepy flags. Maybe the more we face our fears the less our lives become focused on them.  Ok, getting way deep and I haven't had breakfast yet. )

Ok, back to your quote....Yeah, especially the expect part!  I have a greeting card that I bought because of the picture.  I bought it when I was in my early 20s.  I had a clue and yet I am taking forever to solve the mystery!  Anyway the picture is of a maiden/princess who is standing next to a man, knight, in shinning armor.  Nothing new there right?  AND she is peering at her own reflection in his armor.  Wow, time to bring that out of storage.  

The movie Being John Malkovich, if I recall correctly (it has been a while since I saw it) was so very much about that very topic.  

I will be renting it again as it was odd and brilliant i felt and perhaps spoke both to the empathy that sort of reflection and vicarious expansion of experience "reflection" can be or the emotional cannibalism - used to hoard or share power.  

"Mirror mirror, on the wall.....whose the bestest of them all?"  (my slight paraphrasing going on there with bestest) What implosion that fairy tale illustrated.

[Jaded911]

Bobbie,

Thank you for being supportive of us.  I have no regrets about anything I said.  I feel I pretty much hit it right on when I said she demonstrated N actions.  You can sit back and look at all of the actions of some of the people on the board right now and ya just have to think that is what we looked like when we had to deal with our N.  I am serious and I want to point out WTF I am talking about in case any of them are needing help recognising her N actions.
*She comes on strong, they avoid further conflict and just realise it is easier to agree then disagree.
*Some are trying to tip toe around and lighten up the mood by purposely avoiding this conflict.  It reminds me of "if you can't beat them it is easier to just join them"  Ya, alrighty then, well not me, no more of that crap.
*Sand basically dismissed everyone elses words because by gosh, she said end it and she will be damned if she will continue to talk about it.  Well ya know what, to me that doesnt demonstrate strength and leadership, that demonstrates someone who feels they are weak and in order to feel strength again, they have to act like their word is the gospel.  Leadership, nah that is dictatorship.  Oh ya, after what I have been through, that is just the place I am trying to avoid.
*Narcissistic people will generally seek outside sources if they feel they cant win the battle alone.  Sand took about an hour to figure her strategy out, did you notice the board was still for awhile, then she made her attack on those who injured her righteousness by seeking those on the post for backup.  Well, only thing I can say about that.  Did you ever get into a fight with someone in elementary school at recess?  You were so mad angry at them you tried to make all of your other friends mad at them too so they would play with you and not the person you were angry with.  Sand acted no different then a child who has to gather her friends in a rally to assure they all dismiss who dismissed her.  Goody Goody Gum Drops, I will be a real big person here and say, coolio she won, ya we lost, congratulations.  NOT, I have been dealing with this childish  chit for 2 yrs, tired of it, hell I didnt lose, I forfeited.  

There are so many other things that she did or did not do that assures me that I spoke it loud for the right reasons.  I backed hope up, because ya know, Hope was right all, and so was herm.  If others do not feel the same about it, then thats fine, that is their opinion and I respect their opinion.  I dont always have to be right.  If I am wrong, help me see why I am.  You will not get a fight from me, you will only get respect.  I didnt see any of this happening folks.  Nobody came out to say how her reactions did not mirror that of a N.  

Mindy