acapella and the other n-partners

[Acappella]

Now, this is livin...out loud!

[Jaded911]

I really want as a group of people to openly and freely discuss the events that occurred not to obsessive over it, but to try to get a better understanding of resolving conflict.  I just wanted to say this in case there are people out there lurking that feel that we are feeding this frenzy.  

I just really cannot accept the fact that all of Sands incriminating statements were removed, yet she left the replies posted to her initial command.  When Herms post was deleted, the entire thing was deleted.  Why was Herms dismissed, yet Sand kept her SUPPORTIVE  replies on the board.  I didnt see Herms SUPPORTIVE replies left.  But then again, it would not have been in Sands best interest to do that would it?  See where I am going with this?

[Anonymous]

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT...
If you all are so "happy to be outta there"..why the heck do you care if anyone goes to bat for you? I dont get it.

I never saw Sandahl as being a Narcissist, I think this is pure paranoia on your parts. Yes there was a "scuffle"...but most of the rest of us are going on and making light because in all reality of lifes shit that's thrown at ya, is it that damn important that you had an argument with Sandahl?? Why do you need everyone on that board to side with you, if you are happy you are gone then just be gone, have a good life as Sand would say (haha only joking I swear!)......

Im not meaning to be rude to you , really I'm not it's just that I've seen both sides and yes I can see where Sand was wrong about some things, although I think it was pretty insignificant stuff girls. I dont know why you made such a big deal out of it demanding that she do this and do that.

I agree that those posts should have been left up for awhile but Sand had her reasons for not doing it and I'm sure it wasnt just to piss you off. Even so, I do NOT see her as any kind of "dictator" as you have said here and until I do, I will remain there with levity in my spirit. I have been through too much hell with my N to want to argue this, I dont feel it's a big enough issue to warrant any type of argument. Good luck and stay well. Nike

[Jaded911]

Nike,
Like I have stated numerous times, everyone has their right to their opinion, right?  I respect your opinion because it is yours, and you should respect my opinion because it is mine.  Problem I have with this ordeal, I will be very frank when I say this too, I dont like watching someone get run over because their opinion doesnt jive with anothers.  I witnessed this, spoke my opinion, as did everyone else who had the RIGHT to.  But ya know, I just have a thing about the kicking us off of there, putting us in the place where we can not comment on anything she states, and I dont really care to have to defend myself AGAIN after the chit we all have been through.  
Like I said, communication takes two people, that does include the sender and the receiver.  Now you sit there and tell me that Sand listened to what everyone had to say?  Nah, hell if I didnt know better, little ole me would swear this was Sand.  Oh by the way Sand, you have a good life.  You mentioned on that forum that you had been there many years.  Hun, that is a temporary fix, I would think that true healing came when continuing to live in the past stopped.  Me have a nice life, you freggin bet, I refuse to let one sided people shove their opinions up everyone elses rump.  
Nike, there are always two sides to every story.  It is just a shame that some people feel it is easier to go along then to disagree.  Wait, isnt that traits of Nism.  I know so!!!!!!!!
I promise you I am not losing any sleep over this.  If anything I have gained a new found sense about what Nism can do to some people.  I pride myself in knowing that it has made me remember what FALSE SELF means.  Oh I remember it now, just dealt with one for 2 yrs.  I will be damned if I will deal with FALSE SELF individuals that I dont even know.  Good lord, another sucker punch and run kinda wimp ya being Nike.  If I were you, I would have had the balls to post my REAL name, wait, perhaps that is another form of FALSE SELF!!!!!!

[Jaded911]

Oh Nike by the way, I am also not trying to be rude or disrespecful about my reply as you stated to us, but in case you have forgotten what some actions of Nism is, let me refresh your memory.
*Unable to have empathy for others.
*Refuses to listen to anyone who appears to damage their grandiose false self.
*Aggressive when approached about false self or lies presented to others.
*Feels they have superiority over everyone else.
*Demeans supply to enhance their own thoughts of grandiosity.
*Lacks ability to apologize.
*Refuses to except responsibility for own actions, blames others for their behavior.

Oh you know silly, the list goes on and on and on.  Wow, good thing I didn't see any of this going on with Sand, I would have been able to state then that she was demonstrating some of the above mentioned N traits.  

You know if anyone felt I was wrong for stating that, they had every right to approach me and prove me wrong.  I respect others feelings and their right to do so, but I just do not think anyone came forward and proved beyond a reasonable doubt that it was a mistake on my part.  All I am seeing now is smooching of ars and zipping of lips.  What the heck ever, I am a big girl, I sure in the hell can defend myself, but ya bet I will never bow down to conform either.  I am very capable of giving apologies, when they are deserved.  Nothing has proven to me that I am wrong on stating the N (pssst, you know).  So I know I sure can move on, hope everyone else finds the same ability soon.  Well actually those who cant get closure because they have spent to much time being trapped in the pain on a board, years of a board, come on.  I hope they find what they are looking for, I wouldnt want to be through the healing process for years and years and yada yada.

[Nike]

OH shut up Mindy it's me, Lisa.....for cryin out loud girl, although I love ya, you need to think before you speak (and accuse) sometimes. See?
We all have our share of problems and I can say that you are NOT a narcissist. If you really think that what you have been putting up with all this time from Sandahl is N...then you should have left a long time ago.
I am not leaving that forum because you and her had a disagreement is all I am saying. I dont feel like I am putting up with any crap from Sand, never have. Until this whole thing, it was very peaceful there...I love the people and I am going to have to be understanding that because of diversity, we are going to have some problems arise now and again.
I feel like you got your say in as did the others, but then again I dont know what posts were erased , I really dont know what I missed. Some things I have read since and I still dont think it's a big enough deal for me to get all bent out of shape about. PEACE baby girl

[Nike]

PS...Im probably the biggest most rebellious little fart on these boards so dont you go saying IM any kinda ass kisser.....if something is wrong TO ME...I will state it but I will not FOLLOW you are anyone else out of a place I enjoy being just because some of you feel that you have been wronged. I'm sorry for that, I wish it were different and I wish you would all come back ....if that's ever what you want to do. Nike/Lisa

[hope2003]

Lisa:  the problem I have with Sand's actions are exactly what Mindy pointed out.  she deleted the offensive stuff she had posted, and left up her support.  Anyone who came in late in the game was not able to assess for themselve what happened.  

I am not asking the board to stand up to her by asking someone to "go to bat for us"  I am simply asking that our side be presented.

Lisa, you are highly dependent on that board.  Imagine how it would feel if you were suddenly, and without warning, banned and had your support taken away.  you couldn't tell your friends how to find you.  BOOM!  

It isn't funny.

[I_am_mine]

Thanks for all the support for my posts, I'm glad that some of you felt I could speak for you when you weren't allowed to speak for  yourselves.

At this point, tho, I think it's best for me if I kinda bow out of this...I can't keep going round and round with a person who says that what i see is not what I see.  

As I posted on the other board, that's the way I grew up, that's the way I was raised, and that's the way I learned to relate to the world.  No matter what I saw, if it didn't correspond with my Ndad's warped view of the world, I was not seeing what i was seeing!  Does that make sense?  I mean, if I said the sky was blue, and he was feeling particularly "N-ish", he'd say, NO YOU ARE WRONG, THE SKY IS GREEN AND IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN GREEN!  

Circular arguments...twisted words...hidden meanings...personal agendas...I'm trying to get these things OUT of my life, not add MORE.

This isn't to say that I've changed my position. What was done (at least the part I'm aware of) was wrong, IMHO, and I feel you all have legitimate grievances.  

I'm just going to do a fade for awhile.  I've got too many real-life things going on (I don't mean that in a demeaning way, I know the board stuff is real life, too, but I kinda came in at the middle/end of it).  I've got a 15 year old who's going into intensive outpatient treatment for substance abuse, my Ndad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, he's finally agreed (so so grudgingly) that he, my sis and I need to see his lawyer so sis and I can take over his financial/health concerns (he says, "Isn't that nice? now you girls will be able to finally get your way!").  That alone is going to be a nightmare, cause in his Alzheimer's world, he's gone thru all his important papers, bills, etc., and either shredded them or "disappeared" them...I've got some ongoing health problems, mom passed away in July and I've not even BEGUN to deal with it, it's just starting to hit me now...plus learning this "voice" stuff - all my reading material now deals with either Alz or NPD...

I'm so sorry, but I'm saturated.  I was up til 8 am the other morning, just fooling around on the computer, and til 6 am this morning...can't turn my head off to get some sleep.

If I helped in any way, I'm grateful, but I hope you all understand that altho I'd like to continue, I'm outta steam...I made the choice to get into this, NONE of you ever asked me to, and I know you're not expecting me to be your "protector".  From what I've read, you're all good, strong, people who are doing the work you need to do, and don't need anyone to lead you by the hand.

Thanks for your patience, and your good thoughts.

bobbie

[bunny]

Nike/Lisa

We are on this board now, processing what happened on N-partners. If you want to remain on N-partners, I don't hold it against you. But let us have our feelings about N-partners.

My observation: Sand has behaved cruelly to some people. It is her privilege to do whatever she wants. But if she does, some people may say things about her that are not very flattering. It's not really going to have any affect on her, it is more for us to process feelings and work through them. Know what I mean?

Bunny/Herm

[bunny]

Bobbie,

Thanks for all you've done. I'm sorry you have all this other stuff to deal with, and I hope you are going to be okay.

[hope2003]

I agree with Bunny that it is our time to process the pain that Sand caused us.  Lisa, if you think that an appropriate response to my concerns and Mindy's concerns is "have a nice life" then you can feel good about Sandahl and N partners.  A dismissive response like that is nothing short of abuse. I wouldn't feel good about going back to that site. One, I will not beg for admission and two, Sandahl is a fraud.  

Bobbie has all of the correspondence between Sand and me and Mindy.  you can see her conclusion.  The people on the board have come to other conclusions because Sand has censured us.  

Bobbie, I hope that you will let us help you through this difficult time.  Those who are over here are a great group, and I think I speak for all of us by saying that you can have your voice here.

I notice that she encourages bobbie to stay on the board, but she didn't take that approach with us, or with Herm when she said she was leaving.  In fact, with respect to Herm she said "I can't make anyone stay or go" and she left it at that.

Sand has biases that are obvious.

[Jaded911]

Bobby,
I know how you feel about having your mind bent about what you see, what you say, how you said it.  It is very confusing.  If this helps you at all, I have never had this before in my life, and it is still as confusing to me.  You really do begin to lose your ability to judge things when you have someone always telling you what you see is wrong.

Be strong and don't waver away from what you know you see.  Heck, get a couple pairs of glasses and switch them every time you are doubting what you see.  Ya know, if both pairs of glasses reveal the same object, then by golly it is what it is.  You will lose your ever loving mind if you try to convince yourself it is something other than what you see.  

I know it is so overwhelming right now.  But please don't go away because of this.  I got so much information from people while I was N-partners.  Many people put things to me in a way that made it easier to process.  Please, if you just atleast read the posts, I promise you that you will gain from both sites.  Just dig through the bull and learn.  

I wish you the best and I hope to see you again.

[I_am_mine]

Thanks, everyone, I knew you'd all understand.  How encouraging and supportive that I'm seeing tons of empathy from all of you.

Yeah, I'll make it, everyone has problems, and many people have more than me.  

I've not yet made a decision on the other board, will just lurk and read...honestly, I don't feel I have anything to contribute there anyway, and don't want to continue on with more of the same.  

It's really good getting to know you all, even tho the circumstances could have been better, but...just wanted to let you know, thanks for everything!

bobbie

[Jaded911]

Bobbie,

In defense of the N-partners board, continue to lurk there hun.  There are alot of great people there who helped me.  There are some there who say things in a manner that just seems to click with me.  I had alot of people direct me to other places that I got alot of information from also.  The world is full of conflict and I refuse to allow that tiff to undermine what I learned from some of the posts there.  

Stay sweet and do not let anyone warp your sense of reality.  There are good people out there and you never know when someone comes into your life what they bring to enhance yours.  I try to learn something from every experience.  I just lost that ability for awhile.  Its comin back, thank goodness.