New and down and out

[OR]

GFN,

Sending my thoughts of sorrow about your baby.
I can't imagine what you went through.

I had a close friend who thought her son would not make it home because of a birth defect. Not one of  her friends came to the hospital because they thought she would not want them to.
I went to the hospital to see her, so glad I did. She too had to drive 2 hrs away to see her son.
Her son survived, but her husband never once went to see the little boy in fear of bonding then losing him.
I don't see her anymore and often wonder about the relationship the father has with the son.

Myself being a premie in the hospital for 6weeks, back then (60's)the parents could not hold the babys. I often wonder if my problems with my own mother have something to do with this time in my life.
The fear of losing her twins, having to leave the hospital with out her children.

You are always so kind to post on my threads I wanted to let you know how sorry I am you went through this kind of loss. I don't even know what to say, Im sorry if the above is not the right thing to bring up, just wanted to let you know any feelings I might use to connect to your pain.



Take care OR

[Anonymous]

Mati and GFN.

I have been following this thread and was a little scared to post as i don't know what its like to lose a child, and don't want to say something stupid or hurtful.

I just wanted to say that you'll get to see them again someday. And there won't be any disease or pain or distance between you. And no more tears either.
That's the hope I feel when Father's day rolls around every year. That I'll see him again someday, and he'll be young and strong, like he was when I was a kid, not old and sick.

mudpuppy

PS. My brother recently falsely accused me of never having visited my father when he was sick and dying and of somehow spitting on his grave.     I couldn't even follow the convoluted reasoning on how I spit on his grave; but is there nothing these people won't say? To use your own father's death to score points in some petty argument?
It nauseated me. It still does.

[Brigid]

GFN,
I just now read the story of your daughter and wanted to say how profoundly sorry I am for your loss.  I can only relate in a small way as I miscarried one baby at 3 months and another in the first month.  But no matter how long you have "known" them, they are your child and precious to you and will always be a part of you.

I agree with Muddy that we will meet again in heaven and those tiny souls will blend with ours and we will be a family once again.

((((((((GFN))))))))))))

Brigid

[Mati]

HI OR

 

It has only been 8weeks for me.

Take real care of yourself then. It takes time for it to process.

He is an N, he would never consider suicide.

It took me a long time to realise that mine would not, it was all an act and about control. His GP stopped taking it serious too.

The word it self means little, it is the horror and distruction to peoples lifes that need to be in the dictonary

I will keep you and your family in my prayers

Thanks OR.

Hi mud

 

i don't know what its like to lose a child, and don't want to say something stupid or hurtful

Don't worry, just having someone care is enough.

 

just wanted to say that you'll get to see them again someday

Yes, he was a believer and I look forward to seeing him. Thanks

My brother recently falsely accused me of never having visited my father when he was sick and dying and of somehow spitting on his grave.    I couldn't even follow the convoluted reasoning on how I spit on his grave; but is there nothing these people won't say? To use your own father's death to score points in some petty argument?
It nauseated me. It still does.

That was a pretty cruel thing to say.

Mati

[Anonymous]

Thankyou all for your kind words of condolence.  I posted so Mati would know that I understand, somewhat, what it's like when your own child dies.  I ended up with all of your empathy and caring words.  Thankyou so much for that.

Mati wrote:  

And you had to drive yourself there as well  GFN, think of another mother having to cope with all of this. Do you think she should feel guilty?

Yes, thankyou Mati, you are right.  It's not my her fault (or my fault, in my case).  It is frustrating and adds to one's sorrow.   Even the money they charged for parking was a stress/worry/added to my difficulties.  It wasn't/isn't right.

Sorry for your miscarriages, Brigid.  I know those are devistating losses too.  I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that.  Thankyou for sharing and caring about my loss.

You too, OR, for your thoughts of sorrow etc.

And Mudbrother.......you would never intentionally say something stupid or hurtful here.  Thankyou for posting regardless of your fear.  Your words are intelligent and helpful.  We will all meet, including the wee souls, and what a joy it will be!!!

And your brother must be cloned from my family.  His sick, cruel lies sound hauntingly familiar.   Makes me want to hurl too!!  Jerk!!
Double Jerk!!!  He was probably voicing his own deepest fears....that no one will visit HIM when he is dying and that you will SPIT on his grave...when he's gone.     He is too pathetic to know that he projects his fears so plainly and that you will be praying for his poor, wretched soul......because you're NOT  like him!!!    

Still...it's maddening   how he seems to be getting away with this crap right now!!  His day will come!!

GFN

[Anonymous]

GFN,

He was probably voicing his own deepest fears....that no one will visit HIM when he is dying and that you will SPIT on his grave...when he's gone.

Funny you should say that. After a particularly fierce argument a few years back, he looked me in the eye and said "You probably feel sorry for me, don't you?"
I resisted the first thought that came into my head which was none too Christian, and said "yeah, I do feel sorry for you because someday you're going to die alone and unloved and no one is going to care when you're gone."
He just sat there, fish-faced. What could he say? Maybe reality broke through momentarily? As I recall that was the end of the conversation.

He is too pathetic to know that he projects his fears so plainly and that you will be praying for his poor, wretched soul......because you're NOT like him!!!

Yes I do pray for his poor wretched soul, and have asked others to as well. I hope I get extra credit for it.

Still...it's maddening  how he seems to be getting away with this crap right now!!

He's just delaying the inevitable.

And Mudbrother.......you would never intentionally say something stupid or hurtful here.

Key word; intentionally. I don't want to hurt anyone unintentionally either.
If I step on your pinky toe with hobnailed boots either intentionally or accidentally, it still hurts the same.
Thanks for the kind words anyway, GFN.
You're a real treasure here. I sometimes wish I could PM you about certain subjects but you choose to be a 'guest for now' so I'll just tell you thanks for all the support, you give everyone here. A real Florence Nightingale.

mud

[Anonymous]

Muddy:

I thank you for saying such kind, overly generous things to me.  Truly....the FN thing is waaaaaaaay overboard.....quite a bit too much.  I do appreciate your generosity though.  Too, too kind.

If I step on your pinky toe with hobnailed boots either intentionally or accidentally, it still hurts the same.

Yes for sure!  But in the first case, you walk away, laughing and pointing your finger....blaming me for being in your way, adding insult and more injury......but in the second....you might be inclined to stop, express your distress at your behaviour, appologize, offer to get a bandaid, or ice, stay with me in my pain, do all possible to lesson it.....and take responsibility for and help me recover from the harm you have caused.

Intention is key...if you ask me.   It does not erase mistakes or bad behaviour but it does indicate character and either add fury to the fire, or help calm the seas, imo.

When I detect that someone's intention .....as evidenced by their continued behaviour.....and even their words......is to cause harm......I think and feel a whole lot of stuff that I don't think and feel....when it looks like their intention was never to do that/cause harm.

Wish I could tell you your brother's intentions were never to cause you harm, Mud, but by your descriptions of stuff.....I'm afraid I think opposite.  And I can relate, in a big way too......just to let you know that you're not alone.                

Wish there were more I could offer to help but there isn't.  We just have to work through our thoughts and feelings about people/situations and pray for strength to keep their ways from taking hold in our souls, do you agree?  That's my take anyway....because if I were to allow that.....allow their ways to take hold in my soul....those who wish to cause me harm....will have succeeded in their goal and I...am too darn stubborn to let them have that power.

I like that you pray for his wretched soul.  It shows more generosity..but more so.....that his ways are not yours.((((((Mud))))).

GFN