My way or the highway

[phillip]

Please trust me when I say that she has been through some horrific life experiences.  This is how she has learned to survive it all, and there were times when her survival, both internally and physically was in jeopardy.  My regret is in knowing that she had a genuine community with us, and support.  Because we knew of her past, we were more likely to overlook her abrasive comments and challenges.  She couldn't recognize it for what it was.  To me that is the tragedy.  Not knowing your friends from your tormentors.  How does one survive this level of blindness?  This is what bothers me the most.

[d'smom]

She has to know, deep down, that we love her, and will remember.

i can tell it was really hurtful. hope you didnt think i was making light.

[Wispery]

Not at all. I totally repsect this board and the people in it. It's been an eye opener for me. the people here are amazing.

[Wispery]

I believe I may have stepped in it this time. Now, because of what I just did, she will read this thread. I emailed her, saying I miss her, and linked this thread for her to read. There is no mention of her name, and no one here knows who she is. She is safe. (When you read this, know that you are safe here)

I believe that this is the right place. You are the people that can help her. I know it, because I found help here too.

I believe that the people here can help her, if she would agree to interact with you.

I now believe that I was brought to this place for a reason.

I am following my heart....putting myself in HER shoes, re-reading this thread like crasy, knowing now that she will read this.

YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, MY HEART SISTER.

These are the people here, if anybody on the face of this planet can help.

Maybe the problem is me...and if it is, I want to find out. I trust that the people here will know what is up, real quick like.

It is not a challenge, it is a hopeful act on my part.

If she wants to tear me to pieces, so be it. But I love her, and I don't known what else to do but bring her here.

[Anonymous]

Hi Phillip and wispery,

I missed having you around phillip. And I can't recall if wispery was here before, but welcome if not.
I hope your friend will give this board a try. There are a lot of wise and kind people here.
And everyone's ego seems really, really small here. Quite a revelation compared to the usual board and the rest of the world for that matter.

If she needs support and healing this is an oasis in an endless desert of anger and vituperation.

mudpup

[phillip]

Thank-you mudpup.  I was not sure that inviting her here was going to be appreciated by the members of this board.  But you and Wispery are correct.  This place is absolutely unique.  If there is any help for her on the internet, it is here.  I would be really surprised though if she showed up here.  It would not take her long to discover that this forum has little patience with tyranny of any sort.  This board does not need to be protected.  The grace and compassion present here stands on its own, and for that I am grateful and honored to be welcome here.

[b as guest]

I don't want to be a wet blanket, but you're inviting someone who spun out of control with profane posts, to come here? Did she ask for help? I'm not trying to put anyone down here but I am a bit concerned.

bunny

[wispery]

Hi bunny. She did ask for help, metaphorically speaking. I am torn about whether I did the right thing or not...maybe she won't read this after all, if she hasn't already. If cooler heads can prevail, maybe a good conversation could ensue. She isn't always a ticking time bomb, she is amazingly bright and talented, and I just wanted her to know how torn we are over all of this. I just kept thinking, this is the place, that can help not only her, but me, too, and even Phillip, find a way to come to be friends again. If it isn't meant to be, somehow I will have to accept that.

 

[bunny]

Hi Wispery,

Okay, she didn't ask for help, however, you believe she needs help. May I ask what you'd like to see happen? A reconciliation?

bunny

[phillip]

Bunny, Please don't put any emotional energy into this issue.  She just answered Wispery by E-mail and there is no way she is going to open herself up here to objective scrutiny.  She is playing the victim and casting us as villains.  Her MO fits the cause of this forums existence; not its purpose.

[Wispery]

She said she didnt want to read this, she said she doesn't hang around with emotionally unstable people anymore, that she doesn't have time, and how could she ever trust me again after my betrayal of her. My betrayal of her consisted of me not agreeing with her, and taking sides with her against another friend who was there for me when I almost died once. That is a friend, and she expected me to join her in attacking him, he who was there and contributed to saving my life.
She doesn't want any part of this, so I guess the thread is moot, although, it has helped Phil and I both. Thank you for your gentleness with this issue.

~Wispery

[vunil as guest]

You are the people that can help her.

Oh, probably not  

We can be helpful to people dealing with hurt from narcissists, or at least I've gotten help from the list for that.

We can't make anyone act better.  Especially someone exhibiting borderline tendencies.


But if we could!  How cool would that be!  I have lots of folks I'd send here, too

How many of us have wanted to send our loved ones a book, or a website, so that they would read and understand.  It's a really understandable instinct.  But it doesn't do anything but make them really mad...

[bunny as guest]

She said she didnt want to read this, she said she doesn't hang around with emotionally unstable people anymore, that she doesn't have time, and how could she ever trust me again after my betrayal of her. My betrayal of her consisted of me not agreeing with her, and taking sides with her against another friend who was there for me when I almost died once. That is a friend, and she expected me to join her in attacking him, he who was there and contributed to saving my life.
She doesn't want any part of this, so I guess the thread is moot, although, it has helped Phil and I both. Thank you for your gentleness with this issue.

~Wispery

Hi Wispery,

Here is my feeling on it, let me know what you think. It sounds like she has pretty strong feelings about being unstable herself. She also wants to be 100% supported when she acts out. She wants to have tantrums and you will be a nice mommy who understands and tolerates it. The problem is that you aren't willing to go along with it (no reasonable person would). She doesn't know how to control herself and doesn't want to be asked to. I think your loving thoughts have moved her positively but she can't show it.

Hi Phillip, I put emotional energy into things that interest me. It's no trouble, I assure you.

bunny

[phillip]

Vunil-You see clearly to the truth.  Peaceful co-existence is a desire for most of us.  But, you know the old adage, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink?"  Wispery and I have decided one thing though.  We never give up.  We seem to have that in common.  Of course, we could just be nuts.  And we DO laugh about that alot.  Peace.

[mudpuppy]

Hi guys,

At the risk of looking like a complete idiot, I kind of missed, somehow, that first post or two about Phillip's and wispery's friend when I said what a nice pleasant place this is and asked her to come on over.
I was kind of under the impression (through my own slipshod skimming) that she was a tad angry and looking for help and support. The comment on page two about nearly closing your own board didn't really register until I went back to page one just now.

Can I take back my invite?

I'm afraid after further review I'm with bunny on this one. No offense, but why would you want to bring someone so nutty she almost closed your own board to this one?
Your friend sounds like maybe a flamin' N or as Stormy said BPD. I don't know, but she's definitely got problems and it doesn't sound like 'voicelessness' is one of them.

I sure hope the issue has been mooted and turned down.

Note to self: read the whole thread before you post, block head.  

mudpup

PS. Phillip and wispery, no offense intended. You are both very nice. Don't take this as a comment on you personally or you being on the board. I know you were just trying to help her. But it sounds like she needs a different kind of help than this board offers.