I have been thinking about all of this because recently Wispery and I have had our own experiences with a n-female. As a result, I have drawn some conclusions concerning the subject. First of all, I do not believe that narcissists are exhibiting behaviors that are distinct from other people. The difference is in degree. For me narcissist is merely a word. Kinda like the devil, or evil. The word carries with it all kinds of connotations, but it is still a word.
The people we label as narcissists are people who operate within a very narrow safety zone, much more limited than most other people. They do not know how to adjust to the vagaries of normal interaction. This could be due to poor parenting, a damaged childhood, probably a plethora of influences. But, the result is that they can not maintain their psychological integrity unless their narrow boundaries are RIGID. Since most relationships involve a whole bunch of question marks where emotions are concerned, the narcissist not only needs but must DEMAND absolute control of all situations. This is how a safe reality is maintained for the narcissist.
The fact that this mode of operation does not work for the narcissist in terms of close emotional relationships is subordinate to the control of all possible threats to internal integrity.
I believe there is some of this in all of us. We are the center of our own universe. Sages have always said that no matter what we do, we do it for ourselves. Even in the case of sacrifices, we always derive something out of the experience that we must have. People that are labeled as narcissists differ from the rest of humanity because they make it difficult, if not impossible, to live with them normally.
I think this is why so many marriages fail. Because eventually many relationships will return to a point of each person not getting their needs met, within that relationship. And when needs overpower mutually, the relationship collapses.
Sometimes need is so irrational, so damaging. This is where decisions are not made. The person is on automatic pilot. Walking though sleeping within a trance. I think that the narcissist is in a deep trance. These are just my opinions and I wished to share them. Thanks for listening.