What's Happened to the Community? -- response to nightsong

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi nightsong,

There are going to be periods where the board is dominated by conflict.  We have recently been through one of these times.  And yes, the board, during these times becomes unsafe, and potentially “re-traumatizing”.  If I were new, I certainly would think twice about joining, and three times about posting.  And if I were an old-timer I would consider leaving because the board is no longer safe and supportive—and it appears that it will remain this way forever.  However, these periods inevitably end, and very often the people in conflict experience growth as a result—they are able to see and accept parts of themselves that they have never seen (or wanted to see) before, and as a result respond in a less defensive fashion.  I hope this is the result of the current conflict.

In the mean time, I will keep reading and do everything I can to keep the board safe over the long haul.

Best,

Richard   

[Brigid]

Thank you Dr. G for continuing to keep an eye on things.  It is comforting to feel your presence.

Brigid

[Certain Hope]

Dr. G,

Thank you for not silencing us.

Hope

[penelope]

hi jac,

It took me awhile to understand what you meant, but I did see that's what you meant (what you've explained above) after we talked about it more and I finally did come to understand it.  Thank you for all your posts to me.  I did not find them to be "mud-slinging" as somebody expressed.  I found them to be heart-felt, honest and a bit raw, as would be expected, coming from someone who has seen a lot of abuse in her life, as have I, I can most surely relate to you.

((((((((((((((((((( jac ))))))))))))))))))

I do hope that one day you will accept my apology?  cause I sure do like you and always have.  I like everyone here, even though I don't always like the behaviors I see - I know in my heart that I trust people, or at least I try to, as I do believe we are all made in the image and likeness of God.  This is probably a contradiction of something I said earlier when my emotions were running high      <oh boy>

dr G. - nice speech, even if it wasn't a lecture. 

hope - I feel something (trying to empathize) with you that feels Tenuous.  I know that's not a feeling, tenuous, but no other words are coming to mind right now that seem better to describe it.  hang in there, OK.  I think you are on the verge of something great, in other words.  Uncomfortable feelings aint all bad.
((((((((((((((((((((hope))))))))))))))))))))))))

brigid - just wanted to wave and say "hi."  I giggle at the thought of you and your sweetie on that Harley, too.   

pb

[jordanspeeps]

Thanks Dr. G,

I would just like to again thank you for this board.  It is an amazing place where infinite (some lovely and some not-so-inviting) realizations can occur.  My own past board conflicts taught me a lot about me, mostly about how I deal with criticism, being reprimanded, or being called on inconsistencies.  My life literally changed when I began to visit this board, as I came to know there were tons of others just like me, severely affected by the Ns in their life.  I realize that we are all in the same boat really and that there are myriad ways of dealing with that reality [having Ns in your life] .  The board conflicts are upsetting, true.  The anger, depression, frustration, insensitivity, fear, mistrust, dislike, disrespect, inconsideration that was a part of the N relationships we endure(d) and are a major part of what gets reflected here on the board. I know I've done it, myself.  But the reason I've come back after two significant breaks from the board is because there's something you see here that you will never see with your favorite N: resolution, apologies, and forgiveness.  Shucks, one of the very first personalities I rumbled with became one of my favorite, most steady, and true buddies on the entire board.   Granted, I believe there comes among us the occasional poster who uses familiar Ntactics to enrage and incense possibly just for the heck of it.  But for the most part, we the victims of Ns, are sensitive to one another's plight and we truly want to see progress for each other, at least I do.  

I'm all for taking the occasional "break" from the board, sometimes it's necessary, in order to re-gain perspective, and perform that thing that would rule out whether or not we have become the Ns we abhor: Self-evaluation. The "break" is also good when you're having that 'why does this always happen to me?' moment. It gives you an opportunity to observe the patterns of the board and the ebb and flow of energy that's constantly taking place here.  I like to think of this place as I think of life, it's  a smorgashboard, [you know those huge buffet thingy's], you can eat what you'd like and leave the crap you can't stand right there on the ice for someone else who loves it or needs it. Thanks again Dr. G.

Take care everyone,
Tiffany

[reallyME]

All the comments here were awesome and touching to me!

I just want to contribute a tiny bit on two things that really stood out for me:

Penelope: I know in my heart that I trust people, or at least I try to, as I do believe we are all made in the image and likeness of God.  This is probably a contradiction of something I said earlier when my emotions were running high

Penelope, I just want to say that, even if you do contradict yourself in what you said, it is ok.  Sometimes, because of not being allowed to "feel" there is a contradiction in those feelings, so it seems that one changes her/his mind.  It is all ok and part of the healing.  Blessya and know that you are loved and safe

Tiffany:  But the reason I've come back after two significant breaks from the board is because there's something you see here that you will never see with your favorite N: resolution, apologies, and forgiveness.  Shucks, one of the very first personalities I rumbled with became one of my favorite, most steady, and true buddies on the entire board.

I enjoyed reading your post so much.  It was interesting hearing about your personal time on this board and how it helped you to grow and self-reflect.  That is so important for everyone to be able to do that. 

I agree with what you said about resoultion, apologies, forgiveness.  I have also been able to give and receive these things here, and it has softened my heart many times.

What you said about how the personality you first rumbled with, became one of your most steady, true buddies, I believe I feel the same about Penelope.  I love reading her deep insights and I enjoy the newfound communication with her.  I am also very careful to try and not upset nor trigger her...not because of walking on eggshells, but because I feel a mutual respect between us.

As far as people here being raised by N's, I am an exception to this rule.  I am one who came here without "baggage" of major abuse, N'ism from parents, although my former mentor/best friend Jodi was a very N'istic experience.  It, as other people have told me, is not the same as being raised by N's.  I am grateful that was not my lot in life for sure, but I also feel blessed that this board and all of you are here.  I may clash in the way I express myself, because I tend to be too tactless when I feel very strong about things, but I always read people's comments and criticisms with the intention to better myself so I can be a blessing to others. 

~Laura

[Overcomer]

Dr. G, Thank you!!  I have been watching after I interrupted the "I'm leaving" thread to say I was leaving!  No one commented on my comment.  I wasn't surprised because they were too involved in their own debate to take heed when someone said, "hey stop it!!"

I saw it happen before and I left for a long time because I didn't need the extra stress in my life..............I came back during an especially trying time and most all the people on my thread were very supportive............but those threads die off because they are boring.  That's why I think people banter back and forth.  It gets their thread at the head of the class and it keeps us all intrigued...............what will they say next!!!  Almost funny in a reality TV kind of way.....

Kelly

[gratitude28]

BTW, Kelly, Please don't leave! I like you a lot. I also think some people here don't want to get better... rehashing things every time there is a break from havok doesn't bring about any progress.  I see you as a very strong and thoughtful member, so I hope you'll stay. I don't usually read through the "I'm leaving" or "I'm Mad At..." posts, because they are a waste of time.
Love, Beth

[Certain Hope]

Hi Kelly,

  I saw your post on the "Leaving" thread, but I just didn't want to post any more on that topic. I'm sorry... should have said what I thought at the time which was, I hope you'll stay and continue to share with us here. I do believe that we can all learn and grow together if we'll stick with it and just try to be patient with the fact that each one is at a different stage. It's kinda like kids growing up, I think. We have this wake-up moment where we realize "Hey, I've been abused! This isn't right!!" and then from that point on we're like infants again, having to re-learn everything. Babies have so much to learn... to be able to trust, to sleep through the night, to not cry every time they have the slightest need once they realize that those needs will be met, to sit up, to crawl and then to walk... and then to run...     Can't rush those stages or the needed skills won't be learned. Just takes loads of patience, I think. I hope you'll stay.

Love,
Hope

[penelope]

hi moon,

glad you were feeling strong enough to pop in here. 

(((((((((((((((((((((moon))))))))))))))))))))

pb

[Certain Hope]

Pb,

  When I posted earlier here, I hadn't read back far enough (I have my posts in reverse order... yeah, I read magazines from the back toward the front, too )  anyhow.... (((((((((((Pb))))))))))) thank you for the hugs. I'm so glad I looked back and saw that. You had the right word, too... tenuous; as in barely clinging to the slope. Thanks to God and people like you, I have a new foothold. Thank you.

Much love,
Hope

[penelope]

you're welcome hope.

snickers bar for dinner 

you?

night night

[Certain Hope]

uh oh... Pb, you can have the other half of my Ruby Tuesday burger. Had a day of school clothes shopping for kids, followed by dinner out... whew, stuffed, tired, but no bed cuz husband is assembling his new desk. Could be a longggg night, but tis cool... tomorrow is another play day then back to the routine on Wed.

Rest well.

Love,
Hope

[Certain Hope]

  Moon  .... No, it sure isn't easy.

Love,
Hope

[WRITE]

I really have no idea how I am perceived.

Like this:

I have come to a point in my journey that I wish to learn without conflict and know this can be done.

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