Why Does Boundary Setting Feel so Traumatic

[Overcomer]

Hops and Laura and PB:  Not that I am against meds but hear me out.  After my divorce I was just so angry and upset and obsessing and all the things that go along with dysfunction, etc.  So the doc prescribed prozac.  It helped take the edge off but I became somewhat of a zombie.  I didn't have any highs or lows - I just kind of "was."  Also (and I hate to say this - kind of embarrassing) but it made sex less than spectacular.................we'll leave it at that.  And you see all these commercials on tv which have the disclaimers at the end...."may cause headaches, heart palpatations and may cause sexual dysfunction in some people.........................."

So, obsess?  Maybe a little but not to the point where I think I need meds right now.  I am taking vitamins and vitamin D and iron and 5-HTP (the pharmacists said my doc was having me use the 5-HTP as a natural alternative to prozac......he said it was a natural way to help fight depression.)  But right now I am bound and determined to get out and grow.......I'm not wallowing in bed....

[penelope]

I understand kelly.  Just putting it out there as an option. 

Also, as a side note, I'm thoroughly convinced that many of my successful coworkers must be on Meds.  I've heard way too many references to "happy pills."  They're just way too calm at times.   

So don't be embarrassed.  It's not a weakness to ask for help; it's a sign you're very strong indeed.  Sounds like you're being proactive, and that's what's important.  Way to go!

[gratitude28]

I can't tell you what a difference my AD has made in my life. Part of my problem was thyroid disease, but a part, I believe is inherent depression. I still have ups and downs, but I don't despair anymore (usually) and I don't have anxiety attacks (I felt like I had to kep running, running or something would catch me).
I don't think everyone needs meds, but there are definitely those of us who do!!!!
Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

I understand, Kelly, esp. about the vanishing libido. Mine went buh-bye too...but in this current transition and stressful time (and I'm single), I don't care. I'm just grateful for the help (esp. with my back pain, which is what's been amazing about Cymbalta).

I think you know yourself better than anyone else can, and it all depends on your tolerance for your upset thoughts. You do sound very strong and determined!

Hops

[reallyME]

Kelly,

I can relate to the "no hi's no low's, just "am" part of meds...that was how it was for me on Topamax too, which is why I got off it after 9 months.

I am not advocating a LIFETIME of taking meds.  I'm saying that if you are obsessing and being pessimistic about things in everyday life, meds can help calm down your mind and even repair the faulty neurotransmitters, until you are able to think in a better, healthier, more-balanced way.  If the natural things work, hey, I'm all for it!  I sold herbs, tea tree oil, super blue-green algae and pycnogenol for years and I still SWEAR BY ANTIOXIDANTS!

~Laura

[Brigid]

Kelly,
I took Lexapro (and a couple of others that didn't work) to help with my obsessing thoughts during joint therapy and after my ex left.  I, too, had sexual dysfunction issues and since I am on tape for a program I did for a friend on depression saying it, I guess I can say it here too.  I became inorgasmic.  It didn't reduce my libido, but I could not achieve orgasm.  It mattered while we were in therapy together, obviously didn't matter after he left, so I was able to stay on them for the next 6 months until I thought I could manage without them.  It really does help with the obsessing, but there are trade-offs.  You could try discussing it with your Ob-Gyn and see if there are any ways to help with that.

Brigid

[penelope]

For me, I have noticed this.  The drive isn't initially there in me.  But once I'm "jump started" it's all good.    Since my b/f is on the same meds as me, it seems to work out OK.  We may not think about sex as often as other couples, but then I feel it actually gives us an opportunity to just be together and talk; we do spend lots of quality time together, mostly doing projects together.  It's kind of nice that he doesn't only see me as a "partner" this way.  Without those urges a lot of times, we still have intimacy just its not quite so physical, which is nice too.  While I probably missed it, especially initially as it felt like a dramatic change, it was one of the things that also felt calming to not be so worried about (getting it) too.

hugs,
p bean

[Overcomer]

Well, guys this is it.  I'm not depressed.  So I don't need meds.  And that's one thing h and I have going for us is sex!!  So don't want to be "inorgasmic!!"  That's probably the glue that keeps us together through his stupid drinking.......................ranting and raving.....RIDS....

I watched the tail end of Prozac Nation last night and the last thing Christina Ricci said was something like ........"Well, I came out of it slowly just like I went into it slowly.....................but now I'm back........"  I seriously think depression comes in many forms for me.  Lack of sunlight.  (vitamin d deficiency) lack of iron - iron poor blood - and stress that puts me over the edge - plus periomenopausal symptoms which are all around me at almost age 47 (in six days!!!)  So I'll take my vitamins, take a walk, get plenty of sunshine and try to get over the PMS hump..........work my business...............look for other jobs to get away from nmom.....................and continue to "let go and let God!!!!!"

[reallyME]

Kelly: Well, guys this is it.  I'm not depressed.  So I don't need meds.

Wow, I almost wanted to add on "I'm in denial" to the end of this, but, since I don't know you personally, that isn't fair.

Again I will say, there is nothing at all wrong with meds, period.  Maybe it's not YOU who has the problem; so then, if you are staying with an alcoholic that will not change, that would put you in a position of enabler according to statistics...either position is not healthy to be in. 

I have heard of sunlight working for depression, but then again, maybe depression isn't your issue either.  I'm not a doctor, so I'm only giving views based on what I'm reading here.  I do pray you find your answers though.

[gratitude28]

It's nice to hear from you, Laura!!!!
Love, Beth

[penelope]

I didn't think I was depressed/anxious either.  Til I got on the meds and stayed on them long enough to notice the change.   

I still consider that Nurse Practitioner who suggested them - as I remember sitting there and crying in her office after going there for something like a bruised thumb - my savior.  She was truly an angel.  She debunked all the myths for me in a single 5 minute appt.  I told her "I just need to exercise more...."  she said:  honey, depression and anxiety are hereditary, you can't fix this with exercise!

pb

[Portia]

depression and anxiety are hereditary,

like, genetic? Not proven. Myth.

Exercise alone can help some people enormously.

Just another - ahem - opinion! But there are facts too.

We tend to believe what we want to believe and if that helps us, fine.

If you want another opinion, or you want the facts as they are currently known, you've got to find them yourself and not rely on any one person, i think. It's never-ending of course

[Overcomer]

Laura:  When I read your post last night I wanted to be defensive but I thought I might ponder it over night and respond today.  Denial?  Maybe about some things.  But at this point in my life I am on a path towards liberation.  I am making choices to better myself and am pretty optimistic.  If I was having a lot of anxiety, feelings of impending doom, and depression, then I would go back on meds.  But while I am feeling really good about where I am going, I don't need the meds. 

Enabler?  Well, I am trying not to play the role of enabler.  I am going to al-anon and am throwing all h's crap back at him.  I am trying to take care of ME - not him.  Should I leave him?  Yes.  If he continues down this path but anyone who has ever had a marriage that wasn't perfect and even if they decided TO divorce, they would attest that the process take time.  It's not just a moment, it's a process.

I'm thankful I am not depressed.  I have lived a lot of days laying in my bed, crying, feeling helpless (a lot of that had to do with feeling trapped in a never ending episode with my nmom.........................right now I am clawing my way out and this board has helped me A LOT!!)

[Gaining Strength]

Good for you Kellydckm!
Good for you.

[reallyME]

Hey Kel,

If you believe you are doing well and making healthy choices, that is all that matters.  I love hearing that people are taking care of themselves!  Kudos!

~Laura