I would like to think that I love my children unconditionally, but they've never done anything which would ever test that. If my child turned into a Jeffrey Dahmer, or one of those kids who shot up Columbine HS, I'm not so sure I could sustain that love. But I have to assume there were signals in their childhoods and adolesence which would have indicated that they were troubled individuals, which no one was paying attention to.
I don't think I ever had unconditional love for my parents--certainly never felt it from them. There was a time when I felt very close to my mother and did everything I could to protect her from my father. After she chose to support him in his abuse rather than me in my attempt to protect her in so many instances, I finally gave up and my love for her just fell away over time. I've never felt anything for my brother since he was a little boy. I cherished him when he was little and was like his second mother (we're 10 years apart). But that love was never returned once he was old enough to understand what love meant, and I had to let go of him too.
I'm always amazed to hear people say "my mother or my father has done thus and such to me, but they're my parents and I still love them." I just felt nothing, aside from the occasional guilt for not feeling anything. It was easier than to continuously be hurt by their treatment of me. When they died I felt relief, as I was relieved of feeling any more guilt.
Jynna,
I just read your post. I agree about the earning of love. I feel that too. I just loved my xnh, but always felt insecure in his love for me. Rightfully so, I guess, since he never really did. But his leaving has left me feeling even more insecure about loving someone else. I do feel like if I am not continuously working at it, I will be left again.
Brigid