Do Ns commit suicide?

[liberty]

 

It's good to be able to open your eyes and see what is happening.... learning about how N's behave, then seeing it with the N in your own life, kind of like a fog clearing maybe?

H&H, this is so true. Even though it was not intentional on her part Nmom validated everything that I knew to be true about my childhood. The fact that she said that I have to accept her as she is is such a clear indication that she does not intend to change. It was good that she said that. But when I pointed out to her that while I would accept the way she was it did not mean that I had to deal with her, she became upset. To me that is the crux of the matter right there.

We do have to accept the Ns personal choice to be they way they are and not to change but in the same breath they have to accept the fact that we can also choose not to deal with them!!!!! It's only fair! And since most of the victims of the N are always interested in fairness this should fall into place quite well.

CB, I read the book "He's not that into you". It is a book that says basically, if you're a woman and a guy is showing definite signs that he's not interested in your welfare then you need to move on because there are so many other fish in the sea. I think that this can work with any N male or female even if it is a parent.  You are so right that to really cannot "get" you or anybody else but for this to work, you are the one who has to change and "Move on sister!! On to greener pastures we go!!"

[Hopalong]

Hi Gap:
What a sane summary:

The day came when she couldn't hurt me, where I didn't care if she understood, when I finally realized that she would never understand or care.  That anything I said could and would be used against me...that reacting to her comments or meanness was pointless, she really, really, really doesn't get it or get me.  Once you cross the line, life is much easier.

and

HI, H&H!!!!

I have missed hearing about you and the family and all the rest.
Hope you're doing well, dear!

love,
Hops

[CB123]

Liberty,

The title of that book has always intrigued me--too bad it hadnt been written yet when I was dating H!

CB

[gratitude28]

Hi H&H,
So nice to hear your voice again!!!!

((((((((liberty))))))))))
Everyone has given you good advice. I really don't believe they ever would...My cousin just committed suicide and my mother was disgusted with her. I had another cousin who committed suicide years ago and she refuses to believe it was a suicide. Has your mother ever had a reaction to another's suicide? That might give you an idea of how she really feels.

Mr. Mud,
Thanks for the giggle.

Love to all of you,
Beth

[liberty]

Hi Beth,

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. ((((Beth))))

No one in my family or anyone we knew has ever committed suicide so I have never gotten a reaction from Nmom about it.

Lib

[Bones]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if when an N loses N supply and perhaps they can find no other, will they seek suicide as an option.

Here is why I'm asking:

Since I told Nmom not to call me anymore at all for any reason and I have instituted my "No contact" policy, she has called one of my bleeding heart cousins and has been crying and saying strange things like: She wishes that darkness will come and take over her and that when she wakes up in the morning, she wishes it would be night again.

Sounds very strange to me. Is it manipulation? Or is she going over the edge now that she feels abandoned?

Lib

I've known one person who often used suicidal threats to attempt to force people to do as she demanded.  One of those threats landed her in the psych ward and she was highly incensed that anyone would ever DARE do that to her!  (She may have been an N.)  When she called me that last time with the threat:  "If you don't do what I want you to do, I will kill myself and make it YOUR fault!", I cut her off and contacted her therapist.  He was confused about what was going on.  I acknowledged that his ethics prevented him from discussing his sessions with her and, at the same time, I told him that my gut was telling me that whenever she met with him, she would tell him that everything was fine and hunky-dory.  Then the day after her appointment with him, she's calling me and talking suicide and it's getting old.  Based on his tone of voice, I think I hit the nail on the head and realized she was playing BOTH of us!  The last conversation I had with her, she SCREAMED at me for DARING to call her out on her game!  I told her I wasn't going to be used and don't call me again.  After I hung up on her, she miraculously left me alone!

She's still around and, unfortunately, working somewhere as a social worker.  God help her clients!

Bones

[gratitude28]

Yes, bone. And my cousin who killed herself gave no indication. We all knew she was not happy, but noone had any idea she would take her life. She had her daughter's wedding coming up and a seemingly good husband. It's not always true, but I think the ones who make a big deal of it look for attention.Those who quietly say they are done are the ones to watch and try to help. I just think those who are serious don't want any drama... they just want to go...
I am sorry you are in this position, Libby. The truth is, even if she made that choice, you are not responsible for her well-being. She is.
(((((((Lib)))))))))))

Leah, please don't let what your husband did/does to you keep you from trying to get beyond this. Life can be good. For me, life is better now than it has ever been.... In large part due to the people here who have helped me see through new eyes and understand how to live well. It's not easy, but it gets easier. It is hard when you know what is going on and the rest of the world doesn't see it. Just close your eyes then and know that we understand and we will listen and we know you are right.

Love, Beth

[Bones]

She's still around and, unfortunately, working somewhere as a social worker.  God help her clients!
 

Not surprised Bone,

I know one who is a foster parent!!

Leah

Oh Good Lord!  God help the foster kids!

Bones

[Bones]

"Yes, bones. And my cousin who killed herself gave no indication. We all knew she was not happy, but noone had any idea she would take her life. She had her daughter's wedding coming up and a seemingly good husband."

There may have been a lot more going on inside of her that no one really knew about.  Unfortunately, we'll never know.

Bones

[reallyME]

WOW good question.

I highly doubt they would commit suicide...rather, others might kill them because they drove them INSANE!

N's do not believe THEY are the ones with issues...they believe it's everyone ELSE who bugs them and makes things sooooooooooo hard on them.  So, no, it's not real likely that N's will kill themselves, at least not till they destroy everyone else around them who dares to help or show they care.

[DivineSunshine]

Oh, that explains my recent urges to hit my N over the head with a broom!  Not to kill, but to knock some sense into maybe.

And the next time he threatens suicide,someone told me once to just ask him what kind of service he wants, open casket.....cremation.....just want him to go out how he wants cause I know he will haunt me if I don't do it all his way.

Morbid...I know.  And cold.  But there's comes a point where I can't feel too much guilt for at least trying to cope by letting loose once in a while.

Seriously.

Suicides are tragic, and I am sorry to hear of any of them at all because I know that the person was suffering greatly.  Disordered or confused, sad or lost..... whatever. 

We are all blessed to be here finding comfort, validation, peace, respite, and understanding in each other.  And most of ALL...our VOICES!

Bravo to all!

Sunny D

[Stormchild]

There is a case in which a woman endured spousal abuse for a long time, and finally escaped, but by the time she did, one of her children had become abusive towards her, and very likely this was because of seeing how her husband treated her.

After all she had suffered, this second betrayal was overwhelming for her.

There are several tragic, tragic lessons in this. Children are children; they don't have the wisdom, the detachment, the coping mechanisms available to adults - and so they are affected by their childhood environment, sometimes beyond our ability to repair. Abuse that we tolerate 'for their sake' may actually be intolerably damaging to them, and they may blame us for the damage, because it is much more significant to them - in terms of their own lives and how they will live them - than our loving but tragically misguided sacrifice.

[Leah]

Deleted my posting Stormchild as it may be too upsetting.  Leah

[Stormchild]

I'll modify mine... because there is a lesson, an important lesson, and someone paid a very high price to give us that lesson.

((((((((((leah))))))))))

[Leah]

You are so right Storm, it saddened me last night as I sat and read her last poem which was all about being a survivor and was so inspiring.  Such a tragic loss.  But indeed a lesson.

Leah