That First Handshake. What's In It For You?

[teartracks]

From the first handshake, there is societal pressure to persuade the person whose hand we just shook to believe that all is not just well with us, but very, very well (unless it is a somber tragic occasion or a mere formality in passing with a person you never expect to see again).  From the moment we say hello the expected, accepted  goal is to convince the other of our credibility, integrity, solidarity, goodness, goodwill, etc.  We are taught  to make good impressions and that you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression.  We're taught to find common ground, which from my experience usually revolves around discussing one and then the others strong points, the things that will enhance the 'aura'.  God forbid that either shows any cracks in their armor or vulnerabilities in these important first encounters.   God forbid that   one might sense that the other's best foot forward is made of clay and break the 'code of honor' that  protects the lie (IMHO) hidden in that first handshake.  We're basically taught to bring to the fore our good points, brag on them, or even enhance them  beyond what is, but NOT TO GET CAUGHT AT IT.  I question whether this ritual has any real value and if it doesn't boil down to a big pot of mass human denial.  This ritual is practiced and even encouraged, on the job, at church, cocktail parties, luncheons, conventions, conferences, political gatherings, and I'd even venture at at nudist colonies where I'm assuming part of the perceived psychology is to just get it all out there and fast forward to being real.  I've never been to a nudist colony, just a guess, OK!  I dont' for one moment believe the nudist are any more real with each other than the ordinary man on the street who has joined in a handshake with someone he's just met for the first time. We are taught to lead with out strongest suit, expand on it, enhance it, trade on it, guard it, flaunt it and protect it at all cost.   But is the ritual all it's cracked up to be?

Anyway, I'd like some feedback on this.  Tell me if I'm anywhere close to describing how things really are or am I misinterpreting a huge chunk of human behavior?

tt

[Portia]

I was told that very young children are considered to be developing correctly when they’ve learnt to lie. Agreeing with your words, I guess it’s biology and survival to appear to be only the biggest and best of what you might be: to show any weakness will strike you out of the breeding game, might even ostracise you from the group.

Is it mass human denial (of death, I assume)? I don’t think all human tribes do it. We do it, but do all? Some people will approach a stranger with the intent to make themselves seem not big and best, but to be seen as friendly and no threat I think? 

It’s scary travelling in different cultures where the social rituals are different; where a handshake is not extended, but it’s okay to put your arm around a person. I don’t like handshakes, they feel false and somewhat unhygienic to me! I don’t want to feel another person’s palm against mine and I imagine passing disease around. I like the practice of bowing and smiling!

As for putting on the front when meeting new people, I feel pretty hopeless at it. If I have a given role (hostess, greeter, whatever) I feel more comfortable but if someone starts asking what I do or how I live, I’m likely to be honest and folks, in general, don’t seem to like that. Some people do though, and it’s so refreshing when honesty is met with acceptance or even a mutual exchange of truly interesting information. I find many people are so focussed on ‘you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours’ that they’re just not interested in being friendly for the sake of it, or maybe they just didn’t learn the skill, or maybe they don’t see it as an alternative. Reminds me of a Dilbert cartoon: Dogbert meets a guy on the street:

Guy:       “Hi Dogbert, how are you?”
Dogbert: “Is that a sincere question about my well-being or just a social pleasantry?”
Guy:        “the second one”
Dogbert: “Oh I’m fine, how are you?”


I love that dog!

[JanetLG]

Portia,

You wrote:

"if someone starts asking what I do or how I live, I’m likely to be honest and folks, in general, don’t seem to like that"

Oooh, how true is that!

It seems to be OK if you can *confirm* the other person's lifestyle, etc., by saying in effect, 'me too', but if they, for instance, say 'Have you got kids?' (which most women ask early on in a conversation, I've found), and I say 'None', it's such a conversation-stopper that I dread meeting new people sometimes. If they are so blunt as to say 'Why not?' you have that dilemma - do I tell them to mind ther own business, or do I actually tell them why (bit complicated, that bit).

It makes it worse if you are a 'free-spirit' kind of person, so that when they, embarrassed, change the subject to something 'safer' like work or hobbies, they find that I'm self-employed, politically aware, vegetarian...how many non-mainstream things can a person DO??

The idea of meeting on common ground is a natural one, but I very rarely find like minds...except on here!

Janet

[gratitude28]

TT,
I think overall this is an American trait - for whatever reason. As a whole, our culture leans toward the positive and also toward over-exuberance in general.
Personally, I felt I had to be a perfect example of a perfect person, so I was unwilling to let other's see any weakness in me. It is strange to me nowadays that I am often honest with people, whether I think it's what they want to hear or not. Not that I go on about my problems... but I am also not going to pretend to be a Barbie Doll and vapid...
Kisses,
Beth

[Portia]

Revision: what I said earlier about not all human tribes doing it, probably bunkum, probably all humans do it. Did a bit of surfing:

http://www.livescience.com/health/060515_why_lie.html why we lie: excerpt, interesting?:

"People almost lie reflexively," Feldman says. "They don't think about it as part of their normal social discourse." But it is, the research showed.
"We're trying not so much to impress other people but to maintain a view of ourselves that is consistent with the way they would like us to be," Feldman said. We want to be agreeable, to make the social situation smoother or easier, and to avoid insulting others through disagreement or discord.
Men lie no more than women, but they tend to lie to make themselves look better, while women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better.
Extroverts tend to lie more than introverts, Feldman found in similar research involving a job-interview situation.

Women more likely to lie to make the other person feel better! Well add a dose of disordered parenting and I’ll lie all day to make you feel better! Recognising that, accepting it and knowing the truth in your heart I guess is what matters. Social discourse doesn’t matter a tiny bit compared to what we know inside? Lying – or not divulging the whole truth – is a necessary part of communal life and balance is good: too much stark truth or too much bare-faced lying is extreme, polarised.

I also guess that extroverts would tend to lie more because the liking and being liked is more important to them, which is okay, if we were all introverts it would be a pretty serious and somewhat boring place, maybe…..and a tad intense perhaps? By gum but we’d get some things sorted out faster <big wry smile>.

Book on subject: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Lie-Evolutionary-Deception-Unconscious/dp/product-description/0312310390  “we are a species whose skill at deceiving others is matched only by our ability to deceive ourselves”.

Must have faster evolution! <bigger wry smile>



Janet,

I don’t have children, 45, never married, hetero, etc. When women ask me, I say “no” and if they go further, I say “I never felt the need” or “I didn’t want any”  or (if I want them to go away) “there are enough children in the world” while continually smiling. The smile is important I find, it lets them off any ‘hook’ of their making (saying, no I’m not judging you for having children and I won’t allow any judgement you make of me to affect me, thanks, I’m quite happy with my lot). The response depends on the person I guess; some are interested, some don’t want to know, some are angry! I suppose if they have something to defend about their life, my answers might make them uncomfortable. But then how do they cope with a family where the parents are the same gender? Or with an arranged marriage, or with a family where the egg-donor is known as ‘aunty’?

I guess if people are uncomfortable with my answers, I’ll lie a bit to make them feel better! Or not, depending on a whole host of random influences. If I feel I want someone to like me, I might say “It’s a sad story too long to relate now!” (with a smile) to see if that disturbs them (they become afraid that I’m ‘different’) or to see if they show any interest, or acceptance of someone ‘different’. If they’re afraid, I wonder why they are and think about them, rather than worrying what they think of me. Well – ha! – that’s what I try to do when I’ve got it together.

Yes I like the like-minds here (and I like the different minds that give me a good jolt out of my familiar cosy beliefs too!). We’re all human I guess. 


TT, hope I haven’t gone off on one that’s a long way from what you meant? Thanks for the chance to have a good think today.

[Ami]

I want to come back later and give this a well thought out answer because it is a very profound and important topic.
   I just wanted to speak to Janets's post. Before I had children,if I went to a party,woman would always ask me if I had children. When I said,No.".They would get really cool and dismissive of me. I still don't know why. It was as if I was a threat of some sort. If anyone has an answer or an opinion I would be interested,
   The vegetarian thing is funny. I (pretty much) am  a vegetarian(have fish and eggs),However,people get crazy in their responses when you say that you are a vegetarian. It is like you are an alien. I find this ,also, with saying that you don't drink. You ruin the whole meal right there. Everyone has to start explaining that they '
"Only drink a little".
   I never say that I don't drink.I say that I don't care for any now.
  One of the few worthwhile courses that I took in college was Social Psychology. It was the study of people in groups. It is really amazing how group behavior has a whole different dynamic than individual behavior..
  I have to go but I am going to think about this today. Great topic choice  !     Love Ami
 
 I just wanted to add something. There is something about humor that  goes right through the B.S. to the "Core". Humor seems to unmask "conventions" and allows you to be real. Sometimes,of course, no one will think that you are funny. Then you are there with your "pants down" so to speak. However, I would like to hear what other's have to say about this. I remember that I had a "house warming party. The architect asked me if he could walk around and look. I said,Yes,but if a door is closed ,don't go in.." He laughed and I laughed. However, I was saying that if it is behind a door,it is a mess(without actually saying it)
   I am thinking about humor as the socially acceptable way to say what you want to say that is honest without actually "saying it."

[lighter]

I can remember my father doing business on the phone and sounding like he was meeting and greeting and handshaking.  I remember feeling so awful I spoke to my mother about it, though I have no idea what I said.  I remember being repelled by him.

That false icky way people deal with each other in business and social occassions, church, is one of the things that create and build anxiety for me.

How many genuine people have you met in your life?  The ones that truly connect with you when you meet?  

There aren't many in my life and the ones that come to mind are people I treasure.  


Don't mean to highjack your post TT but will share a story about last night that reminds me a little of this subject.  

***LONG RAMBLING STORY WARNING***
.
If you're not bored out of your mind and have nothing better to do, STOP READING NOW.  

  I grabbed a bite at a restaurant last night.  The server at the bar always makes me feel welcomed and at home.  Sort of a very high powered place where....
::Singing::
Everybody knows your na a ame.  
And they're always glad I come so, I went.  
Hard day but good day for me.    

To my left eventually sat a short attractive man, an obviouse extrovert and regular of the establishment, expensive suit and hair cut.  Next to him sat a gentleman in casual clothes with an unruly gray pony tail and some odd dinner choices.  He was obviously different from the rest of the crowd but completely obliviouse.  Refreshing really.  Next to him, sat a 50 something lady, she doesn't really play into this but there she was with her glass of red wine and I was wishing she was sitting next to me instead of Expensive suit boy.

Power suit turns to me and asks what my story is.  I ask him, "why do you want to know?"  This is the first time I'm ready for this kind of thing.  I've been gaging him and feeling repelled since he began talking WAY TOO LOUD next to me.  Sucking up more oxygen than other people.  I find myself pressing into the wall but I'm not feeling oppressed.  I'm just ready for him.  He blunders on about just making small talk, no big deal blah blah blah I'm already turning my attention back to my food when my favorite server comes up and asks him where his wife is, lol.  "She's usually gracing your company with her lovely presense"  hee I believe this is called a C*ck block in the industry, lol.

Power suit goes on to say that she's with girlfriends and that he'd "usually bring a very fine bottle of wine when she's with him"  He begins ordering winer and he wants everyone to know he knows more about wine that we do.  Fine.  I ask if they have a corking fee and he hesitates a bit over the answer that it's 25.00 but he doesn't have to pay it.  hee again.  I just knew he'd be so special they'd wave it for him or allow ONLY him to bring his own wine.  I've had experiene with people like him before and didn't ask him the obviouse questions about wine he was fishing for.

Just in case though, the other server swoops in and asks him another question about his wife.  hee

While they're chatting, I talk over power suit and ask the pony tail guy PTG why he's on a NO PROTEIN (yikes) diet.  He says he had terrible asthma and that interests me a lot so we're off talking about food allergies and what he's cured so far and that I'm allergic to shell fish but enjoying soft shell crabs with a lovely lemony herbed burr blanc sauce, none the less.  Just red painful Bumps, no breathing difficulties. I'd also ordered a lovely spinach salad, sans onions and goat cheese, and plate of very very crunchy french fries I was looking forward to.  I was so content sitting there in that low lit smoke free atmasphere, enjoying a buttery chardonnay.  Simply paying attention to my food and how I was feeling.  I was feeling stable and solid and happy, btw.  

Fries come and they are good!  Salad a bit wet but hey, it tastes divine!  I'm laughin! Right?

Power suit reaches over and      
takes    
one
of
my
fries.    

Ummmm, he might as well have peed on me, marking his territory.  You'd just have to have been there.  A shot of hot white adrenaline hits me, that little sh*t just OWNED my food, sort of like taking ownership of me, in a symbolic way and I thought the one server actually shuddered, he was standing right there looking horrified.  It was very bad.  What would a normal person with healthy boundaries  do?

Of course, lol.... I'm not that someonee so.... by the time I'd finished asking myself the question the moment had passed and my way of handling it was to ignore him, turn down the one of 3 very special looking shrimp he offered me and continue speaking to PTG about food allergies and then computers. The moment was broken when fancy pants' friends came over and he stood up to talk REALLY REALLY LOUDLY for a while and I continued my chat and I continued to enjoy my food and continued to enjoy my glass of very fine Chardonnay and continued to crunch through my fries.  

Then the server reached over and peed in them too: /  

He's nothing if not just a tad protective normally, and I've only been about 5 times but he knows my story, but I was unhappy he stepped past protective and asserted some awful mail marking ritual then said he's glad he doesn't have to be single or date again, gave a YIKES face and walked off.  Normally he down plays the girlfriend and acts like he'd be happy to escort me around the world, lol.  This sounds a bit improbable but I promise you, this drama was over MY dinner last night and I'd never step on his girlfriend's toes in any way.  

So, some book had been left at Expensive Suits place and he disapeared.  Server asks who it belongs to and I say, "Loud Boy, I think,"  I've lost my patience with both of them by now.  He looks at me like I slapped him and takes the book, backing away from me in shock all the way over to where Loud Boy has moved and probably heard me call him Loud Boy.  Oh well.

I am amused at this overt act of aggression of moving to another space at the very crowded bar.  It was an act of aggression on my part, in some way, to ignore and talk over him.  <shrug>  The only upsetting thing is I don't think I'll be comfortable there enjoying a meal in the future.  It was bound to happen, I just don't know exactly why.  Maybe someone can explain how this happens to me and I can avoid it.  <picturing myself dressed in a severe brown power suit, hair back in painful bun shooting daggers and sneering at everyone>  Of course, then I'd be fielding "Having a bad day?" questions and it would go from there.  



Was my response to the fry incident passive aggressive?  
You bet, lol.
 Would I have felt better if I'd asserted my right to eat french fries without having the poor things molested by nearby diners?  
Possibly.  

Hmmmm, what might I have said or done:  
I'll pose some options and look forward to your ideas.  Izz.... where are ya on this one?

1)  Push the fry plate away and ask the server for another, fresh order.  Pushing them to the server would have restored some of his authority in the matter.  <nodding>

2)  Push the plate gently towards Power Suit and ask my server for a fresh order.  Either of these would have brought apologies and loud hurt words designed to elicit words of comfort from me.  I wasn't in the mood.  I don't know if I could have reisited doing that.

A variation of this one was to push the plate towards him and tell him he could pay for them now too.  That was suggested by a friend.

3)  I could have asked him about those innapropriate feelings of entitlement he has.  Yikes.  I honestly didn't want to have that chat.  I think my digestion would have gone off again.

4)  Said, Please don't touch my food, I have a thing about that.

5)  Out and out threatened him about losing a hand the next time he did that.  Could have been whispered with a sweet endearing smile so no one else GOT it.  

6)  Out and out threatened him so that server heard it.  Eh, I wish I didn't even have to think about such things.  But of course, my brother would say "I asked for it."  Maybe I did, lol.    

The night ended with Loud boy smoking big expensive cigars while glancing in my direction.  We made eye contact about 4 times and I wanted to smack myself.  It wasn't that I sought him out, either.  He was that big of an oxygen sucking attention whore making big stinky cigar smells you'd just naturally look around for while trying to enjoy food.   

I left after taking PTG's business card.  The truth was that accepting it was another inelegant gesture that spoke things I resented being inferred but knew were being inferred, none the less.  Oh well.  Again.   I took the card for PTG, though he was obliviouse to everything and everyone around him.  Refreshing, really.  One of those genuine people you don't come accross very often.  

So... I guess I was peed on 3 times at dinner last night.  

[Stormchild]

Ahh, the no kids thing.

I have a foolproof clockstopper for that one.

"Do you have kids?"

"No."

"Oh. Why is that?"

"I'm surgically sterile, and it was necessary in order to save my life. Any objections?"

Actually, I've run into a variation on this here, when people insist that I can't imagine what parenting is like because I've never actually been one.

I suppose that tube feeding a desperately ill animal every four hours for weeks, structuring my work schedule around her needs, washing her soiled little rear because she was too weak and ill to clean herself, rocking her, singing to her, and sleeping on the floor next to her hospital bed - crib - cage is too dissimilar to count.

Not to me, it isn't.

What's really going on there, I think, with the pressure-to-reproduce thing, is that there is a LOSS of status, in certain ways, associated with childbearing, for women only* - and this is because our societal values and the worth assigned to specific tasks in our society is NOT determined by women, but by men, and by an economic structure that values companies, not families.

Consider how difficult it is for single mothers to find stable, decent relationships. Consider the term 'mommy track'. There is a real, although rarely articulated, belief that once a woman reproduces, she's going to be both asexual and brain dead for years to come, not to mention a 'problem employee' because those dratted brats of hers are going to be more important than the company picnic, etc.

Consider also that far and away the majority of first affairs - the husband's first affairs - happen during the wife's first pregnancy.

Most women know this stuff happens, on some level, and quite understandably and justifiably don't like it; it's a load of hooey, it's terribly oppressive and destructive, it's unfair, it's wrong. Unfortunately, instead of thinking about the source of the problem and then pushing back against the cultural prejudice and stupidity, the usual response is to lash out at any woman who hasn't been sucked into the quicksand with the rest.

It's the old crab bucket thing again. Pull everyone down into the mess, instead of realizing that we could easily join hands - or claws - to climb out of it, instead.

Whoo. End of diatribe.

Yes, introductions are fake here in this culture, and especially in this nation. I think that's because there's very little here, in the way of human interaction, that doesn't start out false. And I think that's because there's very little here, in the way of human interaction, that doesn't start out as a contest.

*Edit in: interesting corollary: there also seems to be a definite INCREASE in status for men, when they sire children, and oddly enough, even more of an increase in status for them if they manage to evade much if not all of the actual responsibility for their care. "Real men" don't do "women's work".... but ahh, they certainly do cause the need for most of it! Interesting, that we find this combination of irresponsibility and evasiveness admirable - on any level. One would think it would be regarded as the shameful dishonest manipulation that it is.

[lighter]

Portia, CB.. really enjoyed reading your posts on this subject. 

[Portia]

Lighter, i wasn't bored and do have something to do but your story was fun and so human

next time a power suit turns to you and asks what your story is......?


Storm, diatribe enjoyed
really my answer is just "no" and then to why not, is "it didn't happen" and let people think what they want to about that. It's such a deeply personal question that it doesn't deserve any further information. I'm under zero obligation to explain my life to anyone!

The fun starts when pregnant women ask me if I'm pregnant too. It's happened twice to me. The look on their faces when i say "no, I just have a big tummy"!   

Lighter, I really did enoy your story and really want to know what you'll do next time! (there's bound to be a next time ....?)

bye for now, P

[gratitude28]

CB,
I realized as I wrote that my idea might come across that way. Actually, to revise, I mean to say that once I KNOW a person I don't feel I need to hide anymore. See, for me, the custom of "everything is peachy" extended far beyond the normal handshake into friendship territory. I NEVER admitted to a weakness or fault, even to those I was supposedly close to. So that is what I meant by being honest now.

To those of you who dodn't breed... thenk you. I think there are many who don't want or need children to make their lives full. I thought I was one of those. Thankfully, having produced some offspring, I love them tremendously and want them always to be happy. I tip my hat off to mothers of humans and mothers of nature, pets, etc.

Great, great topic.

Love you all,
Beth

[lighter]

on their faces when i say "no, I just have a big tummy"!   

Lighter, I really did enoy your story and really want to know what you'll do next time! (there's bound to be a next time ....?)

bye for now, P

Yes, there will be plenty of next times and I'm still going to be asking them "why they want to know?" then sidestepping the question.  

Is that the best way to deal with it?  No idea but I'm certainly not going to hand out personal information and let them talk on and on about themselves when I'm not interested.  

[Stormchild]

Beth, you get it. thank you. What matters isn't the ability to reproduce. It's the ability to love.

Portia, you are right of course if it's an innocent question. But if it were an innocent question, it wouldn't be asked in that way. I figure if I jolt someone, it's an object lesson, and maybe some small compensation to all the women who've gone through IVF to no avail, all the women who have been put off marriage due to molestation, etc., and find themselves on the receiving end of this kind of inquisition without any way to defend themselves.

And that business about single mothers having a hard time finding good men? It's because the men don't want to be responsible for some other man's kids. Now, how much more conditional can it get, than that? And how much more clear and obvious does a warning sign have to be?

There's a lot under the surface that never gets examined.

Re Mommy Wars: war? What war? All I see is folks being taken advantage of, unfairly, on both sides, and being defensive about it with the very people who could be their strongest allies, if only common sense could trump unhealthy competition. Good old Divide-And-Conquer. It never fails. Alas.

[lighter]

Portia:

I forgot to say that most of yesterday's "How are you?" greetings were annoying me a bit.  

My general response, all day to them was,


"LIVIN THE DREAM, BABY!"


This made the UPS man laugh.  He knows my story, is genuine and honestly does care.  Happily married and identifies with an awful divorce and relationship.  No agenda.  

I also gave my favorite server that response last night upon greeting him.  He wasn't QUITE as amused, looked a little surprised really.  I think he has an agenda of his own.  He expects me to do one of two things.
Be chipper and bright and smile and say "fine."
Complain about my situation in a stioc comical manner.

Wasn't in the mood to do either yesterday.  

Another time someone asked and I said "Fine" brightly then shook my head,
looked down and said, "but not really, no."



  

[Sela]

Hey All!

Oh Lighter!  That was a wonderful example of social bs!  Personally, I'm with you saying:  "What do you want to know for?".  You could even ask a few more questions about their answers and then act totally bored and turn away, start yakking with PTG or whoeverelse happens to be around.  The message is: none of his beeswax!

I also vote for shoving the plate of fries over to the power suit and saying:  "You just bought 'em.  Enjoy!"

IMO, him saying:  "So what's your story?" was the first rude and slightly aggressive move.  It's not socially polite, is it, as a first greeting to a lady?  Maybe there are some good reasons for our social niceties and all?


About handshakes:  A strong, hard, gripping one indicates a bully......or at least.....very aggressive person.
                           Weak and floppy......means similar personality?
                           Firm, not too hard but confident shake......similar person?

I dunno.  I guess.  I think my handshake changes depending on whom I'm shaking with?  I've had people hurt my hand!!  (that was back when I knew nothing about handshakes and was way too gentle in the process).  Now, I'd exclaim:  "Ouch!  Take it easy!!  That hurt!!"  But back then, I'd be too timid to dare say such a thing.  I'd feel impolite and aggressive myself.  Ha!!  But the hard, hurtful handshake was actually the impolite, aggressive start of things and so now I think I'd stand up for myself and not let the person away with it.  I have a "who gives a fig" attitude, most of the time, with such people.  Anyone who crushes my hand on first meeting is not gonna be in my face for long.  They turn me off, I guess, the minute I meet them.

But what if a person could perfect their handshake?  What if they could give the impression of being fair and confident  but really, they aren't?  I think I've done that too, in situations where I was actually quite afraid! 
Faked it!! ( )

I guess if your hand gets half wrenched off, it's a good clue about who you're dealing with but I'm suspicious of even the most acceptable shakes because I believe it's a skill that can be learned and not necessarily an indication of anything (although I do agree, it is a bit of a social statement and a soaking wet palm tells me all I wanna know).

CB wrote:

We have all kinds of little social cues in our culture.  The hand shake.  The polite small talk.  Even the bragging and posturing gives me a clue about the character of the person I am talkling to...

It might be an indication of the character of the person I'm talking with or it might be an indication of what the person wants me to believe about their character.  Not so easy to tell the difference sometimes, I think.

I'm not sure I want to do away with all the social rules though.  Imagine a world where it was ok to crush a hand, or bear hug a person and exclaim:  "What in tarnation kinda hair colour is that?  It's gotta be a joke!!!"

Imagine if it was ok to just lay it all out....: "Hi.  I was abused in childhood so please have patience with me, as I've missed much of "normal" life and am recovering, rebuilding, healing, the whole kit and caboodle"?

Or how about if we were really honest at those job interviews:  "Well, I do tend to be a bit grumpy when I have PMS and I don't get along well with every single person alive and can't stand the smell of tuna, so whoever brings it for lunch will earn my immediate disgust!"

Who wants to hire someone based on negative stuff?  Not me.  I wanna know what you're going to offer and how you're going to improve things, not how you'll possibly upset the apple cart.  I already know you're not perfect because no one is.

Just my ramble this Friday.

Sela