Abusive family

[elculbr]

I'm finding a counseling center in town today. Univeristy resources are inadequate.

[pennyplant]

El, everything you did was to survive.  This is really, really hard stuff to have lived through and to talk about now.  I am so glad you are talking about it.  That is such an important step.  Even though it feels awful.  Keep going even if it doesn't feel like anything will help you right now.  You have already started the healing process.  It may not feel good yet.  But you have started and can keep going.  It took a long time to get this chance.  It will take some time to heal and become YOU.  It will be worth whatever effort it takes to get the therapy and support you need now.

Thank you for sharing with us here.

Love, Pennyplant

[elculbr]

CB,

What do you think my F is besides narcissistic?

I've been getting this weird pain in my ear today, maybe its sinus problems.

I have a question for the board:

In industrialized nations, like US, why do women continue to get married? It's not like other societies where women don't have a choice in the matter (and even they do, they could kill themselves). It is obvious why a man would want to marry, but I don't see what could be in it for a female. I would never do that to myself-chain myself legally to another human being, and a man at that. I have seen the fruits of that labor

It was brought to my attention this year that I don't like men. I'm extra cold to them. I don't even do it on purpose. I've JUST noticed this. I get mad at my friends for talking about boys or having boyfriends, I roll my eyes when people talk about marriage. I try to avoid classes with male professors; I judge male professors more harshly. (Their courses better be amazing...). A lot of small thins like that. I think its a hatred.

[Hopalong]

El,
Who could blame you? A lot of girls severely abused by father figures grow up to hate men.

What's more likely to happen to you, imo, as strong and intelligent as you are, is that years into the future you'll look back at yourself at age 19, and at human beings in general, with compassion. That will be from the perspective of one who has healed her wounds and is wise beyond imagining now.

You can hate 'em.

Just don't hit 'em.

hugs
Hops

[pennyplant]

Marriage is an economic institution, as well as whatever else we believe in.  It is hard to get past economics even in such a wealthy culture as we have here in the US.

Maybe some women's studies courses would be interesting to you as well as empowering, since you're in college now.  I minored in
Women's Studies and it was amazing just what those eight or so courses could teach me.  Often the courses echoed what I was learning in my traditional classes and made the lessons have even more of an impact.  Resonance I guess is the word I'm looking for here.  That was about 15 years ago and I still think of what I learned then and am able to apply it in my life today.

Something to think about.

Pennyplant

[elculbr]

Good News!

I found a good therapist, a psychologist with abuse experience, that I trust. I told her my story and the first session is Monday.

[Hopalong]

That's FANTASTIC news, El!

Keep us posted! (Pun intended...)

yay for you, girl.

Hops

[debkor]

El,

That is great news.. Happy for you!!!

Deb

[elculbr]

I want to thank everyone on this board for giving me advice. If it weren't for your advice I would still be without a therapist.

[Stormchild]

very very very very glad for you el

[Ami]

WOW EL. You give me strength and inspiration when I want to give up. You are going forward - so brave - and I think of you,often.
      Keep writing. I think that we all feel such a kinship with you       
                                                  Love  Ami                                                               

[lighter]

Yay Yay! El such good news.   I really needed some good new about now: )  So glad for you!  How did you find her and what did she say?

[JanetLG]

Wonderful news, El. I'm really pleased for you. I'm sure it will help a lot - just take it slowly. It doesn't have to all come out in the first session!

Janet

[elculbr]

lighter,

I went to the Women's Studies department and asked for off-campus abuse resources. They told me to go to the Women's Center and talk to the director. She wasn't there, I left a copy of my first post with my email on it. She emailed me with a few counseling centers. i picked the one that looked the most interesting. And its close to campus-I can walk there. Here is the website:

http://www.karunacounseling.com/

It is female-only, I believe. And the environment is very personal and relaxed. It is run in a house and there is a code to get in the door that each therapist gives to her patient. It has a very private atmosphere. I walked there yesterday, and sat outside on the steps until someone came in ( I didn't have the code). I went in with her and talked to her therapist, who agreed to talk with me after her appointment. So I talked to her an hour later, and she is a good match for me. She seemed shocked by my story and thinks I have post traumatic stress. She is willing to work around my financial difficulties until I get university insurance.

It is weird to me that so many people are shocked by my upbringing. I don't really know how atypical it is. I know it was not normal, but I don't really know how others grew up to compare. How did others grow up. Sometimes I want to spy on people to see what it looks like. Then maybe I will see truly how weird and sick that house is.

[tayana]

Hi El,

I'm so happy for you, and glad you found someone to work with.  I'm sure this will help you so much.

T