Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

At our house, it wasn't the gift usually, so much as the twisting of the guts that always accompanied it!  I think of it as the mindf#@k that keeps on giving. 

--  sorry I didn't think you would want all that junk here and started a new thread -- more than happy to move our "memories" back over here if you want!  Didn't mean to hijack your thread!

No problem!

When N's violate our boundaries, in a variety of ways, we all should be able to vent about it.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Hi Bones, your question is appropriate. Try this one: sending me a bday pack which includes a happy bday banner which I know - because I bought it - was last used at my recently late father's bday a few years ago; which I said 'keep' at the time because you can use it again. My frugality and recycling nature rather backfired on me there; or; some people need their heads examining; or, WTF several times over. Actually, I reckon FFS is called for, with much eye-rolling and 'tsk'ing. That's just the latest. There are too many.

I don't think that beats a half-used jar of jelly though. Honestly. FFS!!!!!!!!!!  

As for secret santa..... <barf>.

Biddy:

I think of it as the mindf#@k that keeps on giving.

    I like it!

Thanks, Guest!

BTW, this may be my Asperger's getting in the way...what is "FFS"?

Bones

[BonesMS]

Oh Bones,  LOL ..half jar of jelly    Lousy gift but gave me a laugh. Laundry Det (another laugh) lol.
 
I hope you are feeling better today.

Pocahontas pillow cover (1) but my D was 19 years old.  
Picture and frame (an elderly couple) that no one knew.

You got that right!  *Shaking my head*

Bones

[BonesMS]

Then there was one time I found Altoids in my Christmas stocking!  (This was from boyfriend.)  Not sure what to make of that.

[Hopalong]

My ultimately most meaningful Christmas gift, ever, which I've shared here before, was when my Nmom went to considerable trouble, considering her advanced age, to order from a catalogue a little flowery plaque that said: "I smile because you are my Daughter. I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it." She was so amused.

I was slackjawed but over time, came to really appreciate having this thing. I keep it in a basket of stuff in my bathroom. It's like a reality check.

And, perversely, it is sort of fuNNy.

I will probably have it hanging above the toilet in a future home...(can't do that now with realtors trotting through).

I have never speculated on the inventor of the gift, but perhaps there are Nmothers across the land, spotting that in a tacky catalogue, and something in their minds actually lights up with pleasure. Hey! Somebody gets how I feel about my child! This is a perfect object!

 

Seriously, I'm not miffed about it any more -- haven't been for ages. It's more funny than sad to me now. Oh the iroNy.

Hops

[cgm1028]

There have been so many inappropriate gifts over the years, I could go on for pages and pages.

Now since she can't be bothered actually shopping and making the effort, even though that effort was poor, she just gives cash.  This is better since we can now all buy ourselves something we act want/need/like.

As an aside, she called up my brother and myself this year - demanding - not asking mind you - demanding that we buy her a new TV.  The TV she has is fine and only 3 years old, but she wants a bigger one.  Both of us told her that wasn't happening.  Both of us said, that we had a budget and we'd be more than happy to give her in cash what we would have spent on her gift.  Well, you can imagine that NM was not pleased.  She told us never mind and hung up on both of us in a snit.

Merry Christmas! 

[BonesMS]

My ultimately most meaningful Christmas gift, ever, which I've shared here before, was when my Nmom went to considerable trouble, considering her advanced age, to order from a catalogue a little flowery plaque that said: "I smile because you are my Daughter. I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it." She was so amused.

I was slackjawed but over time, came to really appreciate having this thing. I keep it in a basket of stuff in my bathroom. It's like a reality check.

And, perversely, it is sort of fuNNy.

I will probably have it hanging above the toilet in a future home...(can't do that now with realtors trotting through).

I have never speculated on the inventor of the gift, but perhaps there are Nmothers across the land, spotting that in a tacky catalogue, and something in their minds actually lights up with pleasure. Hey! Somebody gets how I feel about my child! This is a perfect object!

 

Seriously, I'm not miffed about it any more -- haven't been for ages. It's more funny than sad to me now. Oh the iroNy.

Hops

IroNy is an UNDER-statement!

[BonesMS]

There have been so many inappropriate gifts over the years, I could go on for pages and pages.

Now since she can't be bothered actually shopping and making the effort, even though that effort was poor, she just gives cash.  This is better since we can now all buy ourselves something we act want/need/like.

As an aside, she called up my brother and myself this year - demanding - not asking mind you - demanding that we buy her a new TV.  The TV she has is fine and only 3 years old, but she wants a bigger one.  Both of us told her that wasn't happening.  Both of us said, that we had a budget and we'd be more than happy to give her in cash what we would have spent on her gift.  Well, you can imagine that NM was not pleased.  She told us never mind and hung up on both of us in a snit.

Merry Christmas! 

And I'm imagining the NWomb-Donor stamping her feet in a two-year-old/toddler tantrum!  Let's put a lump of coal in her Christmas stocking!   

Bones

[BonesMS]

I think my radar is getting more fine-tuned and this may be a sign of growth.

I'm on another e-mail forum of people with similar disabilities and a new person joined not too long ago.  It wasn't long before I started seeing the old, familiar, N-Games of accusations, gas-lighting, etc. and I just sat and watched to see how other members responded to her, which they did by stating their BOUNDARIES!!!!    YAY!!!!     Needless to say, their boundaries triggered a snit on her part and she DEMANDED to be un-subbed IMMEDIATELY, which the moderator gladly did!  Her last message was pointed to me, by name, wanting me to e-mail her, off-list, to discuss "issues".  I recognized her attempts at Triangulation and I hit "DELETE"!

Don't need that aggravation!

Bones

[Guest]

BTW, this may be my Asperger's getting in the way...what is "FFS"?

Bones,  FFS is short for......For Goodness Sake! (the urban dictionary says it better: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=FFS ).

Like WTF is short for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday .....

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Guest!

BTW, for everyone, I'm going to have to be offline for a while because my home computer is acting up and I am unable to dial-up the Internet with it anymore.  The cost of getting it repaired is more than a new one would cost so it looks like I'm going to have to replace it.  Because I'm dealing with medical issues on a fixed income, it's going to be a long time before I can afford to buy a new computer.  The only thing I can do is wish for Santa to bring me a new laptop.   

Bones

[Hopalong]

We'll keep your seat warm, Bones.

You will not be forgotten during your break, don't worry!

(I'm very sorry all this is hitting you in your wallet.)

love,
Hops

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Hops.

I'm back and dealing with this one-day-at-a-time.

This Christmas feels like the worst I have ever experienced!

Bones
===============================================================================

We'll keep your seat warm, Bones.

You will not be forgotten during your break, don't worry!

(I'm very sorry all this is hitting you in your wallet.)

love,
Hops

[BonesMS]

Dealing with a lot of mess right now.  Will discuss later.

[sKePTiKal]

OH Bones! I hope it's not too intense or complicated - if it's just "mess", that'll wash off you know!

Glad to see you online again. I was wondering how you were doing.