Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[Twoapenny]

Still struggling with the aftermath of yesterday with sensory overload.  I thought I had sufficiently prepared myself, mentally, with being around people for a holiday dinner party in a restaurant.  Unfortunately, my efforts weren't enough.  The party room was still open to the rest of the restaurant with ALL the ambient noise.  Add to the noise, more than one person in our group were wearing necklaces that were FLASHING LIGHTS!  Add to that, a HUGE mirror on the wall that was REFLECTING THOSE FLASHING LIGHTS and my nervous system couldn't handle all this sensory input!  I had to keep fighting the urge to run and hide in a dark quiet place somewhere!  Knowing that the group of people I was with were only acquaintances, NOT friends, made the situation even more difficult.

If there had been another Aspie in the group, it might have made the situation a little easier as I wouldn't have felt alone and isolated.  Those on the Autism Spectrum would understand what I was struggling to deal with.

I can really sympathise, Bones, my son finds this time of year really difficult to deal with.  It's such a big festival that it's impossible to get away from it really, there are decorations up everywhere, music, lots more people around and people want to get together more, it's such a lot to cope with.  I hope things start to level out for you soon xx

[Hopalong]

Oh Bones. I'm sorry it was like that.
Even not being Aspie i have some gene that knows a little...
for me, more than lights, it's the ever-present jangly music
that drives me nuts.

in restaurants, I just can't stand it that to talk with someone
you have to compete with loud background music--makes me
so edgy. I always ask them to turn it down. They look at me
like...whyyyyy?

Oy.

love to you and hope you have more outings that are in
sensory-friendly places--

Hops

[BonesMS]

Oh Bones. I'm sorry it was like that.
Even not being Aspie i have some gene that knows a little...
for me, more than lights, it's the ever-present jangly music
that drives me nuts.

in restaurants, I just can't stand it that to talk with someone
you have to compete with loud background music--makes me
so edgy. I always ask them to turn it down. They look at me
like...whyyyyy?

Oy.

love to you and hope you have more outings that are in
sensory-friendly places--

Hops

Thanks, Tupp.

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/molestation-suppressed.html

Today's article has triggers and the columnists are clueless, as usual!

[BonesMS]

Dear Bones,

Re:  Is it always N behavior to violate others boundaries?

First your traveling companion exhibited over the top N behavior.

I think we all violate the boundaries of others from time to time, but not maliciously.  The difference is that N's won't hear you when you explain that they have overstepped a boundary.  They will do the same thing over and over again even though you have been clear that their behavior is not acceptable.  They will lie, deny, manipulate, set you up for more,  - well you know the gig, right?

On the other hand, a regular person will hear you when you explain that they have overstepped a boundary, they know that no means no, they will apologize and mean it, correct their behavior, feel remorse, talk it through, pursue mutuality, work with you to clear the air, and so on.  Once the two have talked through the incident, both will feel like they have moved forward.  From there, the normal flow of interaction and communication can take it's healthiest course.

Congratulations on the Masters!

tt

Was re-reading this and realized something.  (Thanks, TT!)

Now I understand WHY I want NOTHING to do with Cousin Jackass!  The few times he dials my number, he plucks my LAST nerve with his N-Crap, including regurgitating the same poisonous lies that NWomb-Donor smeared around!  UGH!!!     He also wants to keep whining about how he can't understand WHY Ex-Wife #1 and Ex-Wife #2 BOTH KICKED HIM TO THE CURB!  The fact that he REFUSES TO LISTEN just does NOT enter into the equation!

I wish he would LOSE my number, get lost, and STAY LOST!!!!!   

[BonesMS]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/12/dear_prudence_i_want_to_wait_on_sex_with_the_woman_i_m_dating_even_though.html

[BonesMS]

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/12/dear_prudence_my_family_is_using_nicknames_my_nephew_made_up_and_it_s_awful.html

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20131210

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/decoding-jealousy.html

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/enduring-the-messy-divorce.html

This might contain triggers for Survivors of Narcissists.

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20131211

[BonesMS]

I've been hearing news about a fake Sign Language interpreter that showed up at Nelson Mandela's memorial service yesterday.  Looks like a Narcissist struck again!   

[BonesMS]

Feeling voiceless and FRUSTRATED!  I have been repeating the same explanation, multiple times, about what the condo association REQUIRES and the neighbor I am repeating it to simply WILL NOT HEAR ME!   

[BonesMS]

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20131212

[BonesMS]

http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/newlyweds-on-the-brink.html