Bonesy-
I am currently divorcing, not anything special and am not well-versed in anything at all...but I hate to read the hurt in your post, and simply must tell you that you are a unique and wonderful woman, capable of great love and compassion, and somewhere a wonderful man is looking for you. You sometimes "Must let the Demi-Gods depart so that the Gods may come in." I am not judging your BF, only responding to the hurt , longing and discontent that I sense in your feelings- these seem more than reasonable to me, though again, I claim not expertise in these matters. Maybe BF needs a good old fashioned consciousness raising, or you need to make some space for new suitors.
You will stay connected to the BF in the same way unless you make a change- it need not be acrimonious or a complete break- but you may not be receiving the love and respect that you need and deserve, and one can starve that way- this I do know by experience. Perhaps a simple act like changing your locks would spark a needed discussion leading to new clarity. If BF comes and goes at will, new admirers are not truly welcome there. If BF wants exclusivity, then there may well should be reciprocity as well (of course this is your choice- I am only throwing out some ideas)- and you should have a key to his home ASAP, as well as a key to his heart- access to his feelings and important events that a loved trusted one would know about.
You are a special, loving, and accomplished woman who deserves the love and companionship of a man who appreciates and adores you, and is dying to share his life and his self with you. You are the one to choose who he will be.
This can be scary stuff, I know. But your inner life and love deserves to be cherished and protected.
I know that you are starting a new job, so this may not be the time to violently change your private life as well- but it might be the perfect time, with plenty of distractions softening the ache of changes. Only you would know what is best for you. At any rate, you can begin to create the life you want for yourself, and stop draining your inner feeling and giving so much of yourself without getting what you need in return. This is not selfish or calculated- this is how love works, lovers delight in giving and receiving.
Please don't be perplexed or angry with me- I am not trying to tell you what to do so much as trying show you another side, another vantage point, where you can see the picture differently, and have an opportunity to see your options differently as well. I am responding from the heart, and may seem pushy, etc, but I can't help but feel that you deserve to have the happiness that you want. Life is so short.
Love and Peace,
Changing
