I Am An Idiot- Please Advise-I Was Almost On Cops

[changing]

NH decided to show up today with the police- as per my previous post, he had agreed to get a release from the psych to get his guns back, didn't want me to turn the guns in at the station, didn't want any trouble with the lawsuit against his former employers. So I took him at his word- But he lied to me... Instead he brought the police and told them that I refused to give him his things and such (such a lie- he is ruining my life). He was quite smug, and they threatened to arrest me . They said if the guns hadn't been here they would have...I couldnt find things at first, and they brought out the cuffs, etc. My house looked ridiculous with the boxes of his stuff in front with a tarp  (although the female supervisor said the my porch, house, and yards were very pretty, asked about things that I had done there) and I felt like I was going to be on Cops! with that pile of boxes ( I usually do not have that sort of thing, but spent my days off school dragging that stuff with a cane in one hand) I missed turning in my paper that counts 40% of my grade at law school and missed classes as well. I have been doing so well, at least so far. I  am doomed. This is very bad, indeed. I feel sick and defeated. If I get arrested I am out of school. Who knows what he will do now.They say not to start law school when you are getting a divorce, but I felt compelled to, with my age and health. This is such a blow to me- I don't know what I will do now.
It was horrible, neighbors came to watch the show and talk and talk to the cops. I was ordered to stay down , as if I were a major threat with my cane. I had to keep down with my hands empty, no cell phone calls, etc., and he stood up there leaning and impassive, lying to the cops, looking down at me. I just want to die, I can't escape this. I am very private, and now I look so terrible to my neighbors, and the police have a record of this with my name on it. NH is probably off of his medication. I have ordered  a company to move all of the stuff out of my house in the morning and store it for a month( I said for renovations) I can't afford this, but I want to have no problems for me or the pets, when he strikes next time. He still wouldn't take his boxes out front. I am so sick over this, and afraid of the next round. He seemed upset when the cops left, that he hadn't finished me off, no arrest , etc. I just wonder what he had told them to have them ready to arrest like that. My life is over.

Changing

[JanetLG]

Changing,

I feel so sorry for you. What a shock. I don't know what to say, except I feel so much for you.

It's a good thing you managed to keep your cool in such a stupid, stupid situation. How could they possibly think you were a threat?

I'm not so sure that your neighbours will think badly of you, though. These things might look 'only one way' at the time, but surely they can put two and two together and not make five?

I suppose the only positive thing at the moment that you can think of is that he didn't actually get what he was trying to - he didn't manage to get you arrested.

Let me know what happens, when you can.

Janet

[changing]

Thank you Janet for your post. I was so embarrassed- when one is in a situation like that, it's very easy to look crazy.The whole thing seems so crazy, I tried to keep calm so that whatever NH said about me would not look like the truth. The cop said that I was not credible because I had not filed anything about the guns with a judge ( it wasn't my place to- the mandate was from the psych) I am so shaken, getting things in boxes, etc. I may stay elsewhere. Should I warn his former employers (he had made threats to me about killing them )? I may have to withdraw from school.
Changing

[changing]

Thank you Authentic-

It is so embarrassing and wacky- not respectible. Thank you for understanding- it is so hard to explain.The idea of taking his stuff to a separate storage is great- I appreciate it, I just can't think for myself now.  I will put his stuff in a separate place, clear out my house, and then think of my next move.

Thank you,

Changing

[Iphi]

Stop.  Changing.  Breathe.  There is no reason to withdraw from school.  

Breathe.

(((((((changing))))))))

I'm so sorry.  This sucks.  However, we've all had the cops around every now and again.

What, we haven't?  Well anyway, some of us have.  And life goes on.

Email/call your professor tell your professor that you had a troublesome issue blow up unexpectedly today regarding your ongoing divorce.  Just tell them that.  You are paying for your schooling.  They need to work with you.  You are a paying customer.  Your paper is done and you need to go turn it in right now.  Take care of yourself.

Breathe.

Screw your neighbors.  If they know you two then they know he is a troublemaking freak and you are a sweetheart.  If they don't know you, they can go jump in a lake.

Breathe.

Go arrange to turn your paper in and then come back and you can come hang out here and get support.  I know everybody here is totally with you.

And if you told that schoolful of future lawyers what you are up against, I bet you would have a school full of future lawyers raring to be set loose on your ex just for practice.  It is an alluring vision, is it not?

(((((changing))))))  I support you fully.

[changing]

Authentic-

I did find the guns, and gave them to the police. They called a supervisor (this was a lengthy process) and discussed whether or not to keep them as per the psych order-they gave them to him, and he took them in his car. That's why I wonder if I should call his old employers and warn them? The cops warned me not to stir up a fuss. I'm not the one who was making threats to murder, and has a dangerous mental condition...
This is why I didn't call the cops when he hit me- he would have had me arrested by saying that I hit him as well. That's how the system works. I was so happy when he left, and now I'm stuck with his madness again. Thank you for being there and understanding.


Changing

[Iphi]

You need a good lawyer.  There is just no reason why you should be a sitting duck for him.

[changing]

Thank you Iphi and Authentic-

I am going to do a few more things and then try to get some sort of order of protection- tough in this case. I need to hire a P.I . and get his phone and address also- he was even secretive with the cops about this. I guess I have to go to war with that NH jackal. I will think about school later- too late to go there, its Rosh Hosahana eve, they leave early today.

Thank you again, I don't feel so nuts- it would be so hard to tell someone who is unfamiliar with the situation everything - too crazy.

Changing

[Iphi]

Not to be mom-like but -- I think you should contact your professor now.  I know they provide email and/or phone on the syllabus.  Even if you have to leave a message it is important for you to do to CYA.

I really believe you will find a lot more support from people than you might be expecting.  Hang in there sweetie.

[sally]

Changing,

so sorry to hear all this.

I know that an arrest could harm your law career.

So, I was thinking:  Can you speak to the Dean of Students and explain the situation, let them know what's going on in case (God forbid) you are arrested and get some support & advise?

I am sure that you are not the 1st woman to be in law school in the midst of a nasty divorce from an N.

What do you think?

Love,
aslly

[Ami]

Dear Changing,
  I am so, so so sorry. I could cry to picture you with your cane and so much dignity being humiliated by
that sick bastard. I would like to rip him apart with my bare hands.
  How horrible for you to have been made a spectacle of. I am so, so sorry. Can I help in any way ?Let me know.
  Your XH   will stop at nothing.Now, you know exactly how far he will go. It must have been a huge shock to you-- even from him.
  I cannot imagine the pain , fear and horror  you went through. To think that you once loved this man. It is unspeakable.
   Your beauty and dignity cannot be taken away by anyone.I love you .       Ami
   .

[changing]

Janet, Authentic, Iphi, Sally,Shunned and Ami-

Thank you for responding. I really needed your help- I was so shamed by what happened, the way the cops spoke to me and told me that I had lost my credibility (I still don't see how, but it was spoken in a very ominous tone- what could NH have said to them?)in front of everyone. Now my house is a shambles , inside and out, with my frantic activity- Thank goodness they have those pack, haul and store services, and thank goodness I have such a tiny house! Most items should be gone tomorrow morning! I wish that I had a family to stick up for me, talk to the cops, etc- thank you for being my family, somewher I can talk about this with
I had breakfast with the dean the other day by chance in the little cafeteria- I am afraid that he will look down on me if I go to him about this. But I will think about how I would approach him and what to do when I am less agitated. I will try to hang on.
You made me feel less ashamed and more normal- now I can go talk to lawyers, P.I.s and present a better image, in  order to get better assistance. Thank you for being good friends to me when I don't look respectable or sane to the world- I hope that you never have this sort of trouble, but that I can help you all in some way as well.

Love and Thank you again,

Changing

[changing]

Iphi and Shunned-

I emailed my professor and said I had an emergency (non-specific); tomorrow is Rosh Hoshanna, so I will turn the paper in Friday and see her in office hours. Thank you for the idea- it was important to handle things properly, and I have been in a panic. Now I can let that go for the moment.

Bless you,

Changing

[JanetLG]

Changing,

 I can understand that it's very traumatic for you right now.

But you have done nothing to be ashamed of. You have just coped really well with a horrible experience.

I'm sure there will be people at the college who will understand. Do they have student counsellors, for when people have personal issues? Would it be OK to talk to  'real' (as opposed to us 'unreal'!) people to help get what you need to do next clear in your mind?

It shouldn't have to be that, just because you are studying law, personal legal issues are taboo!

Janet

[isittoolate]

Oh changing,

What a beast he is. Almost unbelievable but I know it's not. You've had some good advice and I like the one about ALL of his stuff going to storage, in his name and then, well then would there be any need for contact?

Good Luck with school and straightening this out!

You Dear Soul
Love
Izzy

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