running away

[Poppy Seed]

Bill,

Thanks for adding this article.  I think parts of it are completely my H.  He doesn't even have feelings of his own.  Most of my married life, his only purpose was to anticipate and meet the needs of others.  He used to explain it to me along with how it was the explanation why he was so happy.  I literally think that he stopped wanting.  No one is really that interested in his needs.  I can see that in his family today.  They are just mad because he is not meeting their needs anymore. 

Makes me really sad.  But thank you for the add.  I am going to pass it along to my H.  I think he will really identify.

Pops.

SORRY Lupita!  Back to you........

[Leah]

Dear Bill,

Perfect!  Thank you for posting 'Little Voices'

Love,

Leah

[Ami]

Dear Bill,
  I can so relate to the "little voices". Today, when I was talking to my Aunt, she said s/thing about s/one not having enough "ego". After I got off,it hit me that she was saying that the person did not have "themselves "enough. I guess "getting ourselves" back is the antidote to having a little voice.
  What a long ride it seems to be ,sometimes--huh?                            Love  Ami

[Lupita]

My relax is going to salsa class. I feel different during salsa class. I have no money at all, I just barely make it every month. Zero. The only money left I have is for salsa class. I cannot even go to the movies or a restaurant. Never. Just pay my rent, car and food, plus doctors and hospital of my surgery that the insurane did not pay, a lot of money. Plus a loan I got for summer since my school does not pay for summer, they pay very little, and I could not work during summer due to an infection of the surgery. You might remember about that.
So, no moeny, no vacation until Thanks Giving. I will stay in bed all day during those days.
I cannot smoke or drink, or go to night clubs because it is prohibited in my school, "Christian school", hallowin is a sin from satan, etc.
I have tu survive the year. Hopefully I will find another school during summer. I dont know.
Dr. U keeps harrassing me. He has nothing to do.
I gave a look to the councellor son. He is disruptive too, but less than Guillermo. I gave him a look that he was smiling and I saw the smile disapear. He has to knoe that I am not afraid of his mother.
So I have the grand daughter of Mr. V, a lovely adorable child, the son of the librarian, the son of the councelor, the son of the secreatry, the daughter of the scholarship specialist, they are all family and friends and they have been together forever. Whenever they want they tell the children to give me a hard time. But thnaks to Mr V, it is better now.
I love him with all my heart.
But still, I have to put up with Mrs. Social Studies teacher, who gives me looks that give me chills, and the principal of the elementary school and the princiapl of the k school, who give me chills with the looks they give me. I know they do not like me. Probably because of the attention that Mr. V has given me, nad because The elementary principal when I complained against the head of school Dr U she said that I should live it up to the Lord but I did not and hse is very mad at me because she knows she cannot control me. She wants people who che can control completely. But she does not understand that I could not tolerate the ethnic and racial comments of Dr. U and that other teachers were following his example, offending me and my contrymen. I had to do something about it. I rocked the boat.
God will help me to survive. if Mr. V asks me to stay next year I will. But if not, i will find another school with God's help since I have three months vacation, no payment, I will look for a job for summer and another for the regular school year. I would like to teach elementary only.
Teaching elementar and high school is very difficult, extremely difficult because the lessons are totally different from first grade to 12th. I have to work extremely hard and they pay extremely little.
But despite the uglyness that I am treated with, i feel better today that I controled my class very well, and Guillermo behaved well today and all the class behaved well today, and that the cauncellor son had a smile disappear with the look I gave him. Ater all, my bosses are teaching me how to look at someone that is upseting you.
Also, after al finish with this job I will never go to a church again. In the rest of my like. I am tired of hypochristians. Very disappointed. very sad and very lonely.
Yesterday a nice friend in salsa class asked me if I had a wig and I said yes, then she said are your boobs real, and I said do you want to try them, and she said ok ok. I was aggressive. I need to be more aggressive. She will never say anything bad from now on. Hu!!!!

[Ami]

What you did in salsa class with the wig etc IS having your owm power. THIS is what will get you out of the mess with the school, teachers and kids (IMO)
  Didn't you feel better after you were"aggressive" back? THIS is what you have to practice and practice-----just as I am doing. When we have our own power, many troubles will "melt away"(IMO)
  You did GREAT ,Lupita.                 Love   Ami


(((((((((((((Lupita-wigs and all)))))))))))))))))))))))))))0

[changing]

Hi Lupita-

I got some information from a teacher regarding teaching jobs in different states. If it is not helpful, please compost it. If you are willing to relocate, there is a need for bilingual teachers in California. In particular, there is a program at California State University Dominguez Hills for teachers who have a science or math background and are bilingual. The teachers will teach in schools in the Los Angeles Unified School District and are paid and get benefits, etc, while they take the required courses at night to get state certified, and then they become permanent after they pass the state exam and a probationary period. There is a stipend of $5,000 to pay for the cost of the university courses as well. There are health benefits, pension, good pay, tenure, teachers union, etc. You might try the California State University Dominguez Hills web site for more information and contact, etc.

As I said, if this does not look like something that you are interested in, please compost it.

Best Wishes,

Changing

[Poppy Seed]

Lupita,

Something good is out there for you.  I just know it!!   Are you in a contract....is that why you can't leave now?  Doesn't sound like this job is worth the pay at all!!  Too bad you don't live out by me.  They are building new elementary schools all over and someone who speaks spanish is gold to them.  They need teachers.  Can't vouch for the pay or anything else.  But I know the teachers at my school have a boat load of fun!

Poppy

[Vita]

Lupita,

I just found this web site a few days ago, but  I have read your story and this is what I see (it's an analogy):

I think you may feel like an open wound or an open sore that is not covered or protected by a bandage and all the toxic people in your school are infecting you.

When an open wound or sore is not covered by a bandage, it can become infected by toxins, poison and dirt that come into contact with it.  I think the toxic people in your life are dirt and poison that have infected you. 

They have infected you because you have left yourself open to their infection.  You have not protected your wound with a bandage.  So these toxic people continue to injure your wound because you allow them to do it by not protecting yourself from their poison.

To stop infection, the wound must be disinfected and covered by a bandage until it heals.  I think you must stop allowing these people from infecting you.  It is up to you to put a bandage on your wound and protect yourself.  No one else can do that for you.

You can stop these toxic people from infecting you if you mentally block their toxins with an imaginary bandage.   Imagine that you are covered by a bandage which will block their verbal and emotional toxins.  This bandage can help you protect yourself from toxic people.

I hope you choose to put on a bandage and protect yourself from toxic people.

[Lupita]

it is comforting to find people who empathize with you. It is very nice. I cant wait to come home and read what good people have written to me.
Just one day at a time. I survived yesterday, and with God's help I will survive today.
I do not give a f*ck for Mrs. Social Studies, or Mrs. Elementary Principal or Mrs. K principal. They are bad people. I know now. They just want to show power and that is all they care about.
I think I need to be in public school where hallowin is not a sin but something fun to do, where I can go to a night club and have a drink, or I can have a boyfriend if I want, with out being afraid that I am going to be fired, or not to go to church if that is what I want.
Just need to survive this year. One day at a time. Save as much as i can, as if there was somthing to save. But the little to save, just to save it. And on summer just look for something else.
I saw one of the administrators taking pictures of me yesterday. I do not know why or for what. But i felt that somebody was looking at me, and I turned around and I saw the lenses of the camara. Why do they take pictures? Maybe they want to show that I am doing fine and that they have not done anything bad to me, that I am well treated, as if they were afraid that I am going to suit them, but they do not know that I will never do that. That I only want to put beens on my table. That I just want to survive. They do not know that. I am afraid that they want to set me up in a trap. But if God helps me that will not happen, I just want to do my job the best i can teach, and go home.
Probably, this will go away. Hopefully.
But if I see an opening, I will apply. Also, thanks for the idea of LA. I am afraid of LA for earthcuaques, I prefair huricanes. But if there is something for me there I would move. The thing is that I do not have any money to move.
But I will check the website. Thanks.
If you know of places where I can apply, let me know.

[Leah]

Hi Lupita-

I got some information from a teacher regarding teaching jobs in different states. If it is not helpful, please compost it. If you are willing to relocate, there is a need for bilingual teachers in California. In particular, there is a program at California State University Dominguez Hills for teachers who have a science or math background and are bilingual. The teachers will teach in schools in the Los Angeles Unified School District and are paid and get benefits, etc, while they take the required courses at night to get state certified, and then they become permanent after they pass the state exam and a probationary period. There is a stipend of $5,000 to pay for the cost of the university courses as well. There are health benefits, pension, good pay, tenure, teachers union, etc. You might try the California State University Dominguez Hills web site for more information and contact, etc.

As I said, if this does not look like something that you are interested in, please compost it.

Best Wishes,

Changing

Dear Lupita,

If you know of places where I can apply, let me know.

Changing has posted a place where you can apply - copied above for you.

Seems to be a professional establishment - which, may well offer 'Relocation' assistance.

Would have thought that there would be a website dedicated to 'Teaching Jobs'

Here, we have a nationwide website with all teaching appointments on offer.

Just a thought.

Not long to go till November 8th 

Love, Leah

[Iphi]

Here is the website for recruiting for teachers in Virginia.  I see they are looking for a Spanish teacher for this very school year in Fairfax, a very nice suburb of DC - culture, cuisine and very, very international.   Why if you post your resume on this database Lupita, you might be lining up interviews for upcoming vacations....

Also I notice how many many math and science teacher jobs are available right now and some with sign on bonuses.  No harm in posting your resume and I think in Virginia you can work while you advance to filling the requirements to getting your state license.  I have friends who have done so. - Or at least they had qualifications from other states and Virginia was willing to hire them.
http://www.teachers-teachers.com/virginia/VA-teaching-jobs.cfm

[Leah]

http://www.teachers-teachers.com  it is   Lupita

Very best wishes for you in your search.

"Happy Hunting"

Leah

[Lupita]

Thank you friends. I will check all those websites.
I had a peaceful day yesterday. Hope to have more of those.
God bless you.

[lighter]

Lupita:

You sound stronger, I'm so glad.

I guess you're internalizing the facts.  That's not so easy bc theres no logical sense involved: /

I loved reading that you don't care for the admin or librarian or Social Studies teacher anymore..... when they're around..... ignore them like you're far too busy to be bothered with little tiny people like them, with their small minded issues over made up small minded silliness. 

Lord, theyr lives will be over in the blink of an eye..... what will they look back and regret?  What will give them satisfaction?  What a crazy world, but it doesn't have to be YOUR world.

Your life is larger than theirs..... no time for pettiness.  No time for silliness.  No time for irrational idiots running amok!  Let them run in cirlces without you.

I like the idea of you walking in the fall sunshine..... window shopping and enjoying the people and excitement of fall.  Was that Iphi or Shunned who suggested it?

You can enjoy warm cups of comfort at home.... (tea?) little rituals where you get clean and put your feet up, have a cup of tea, meditate or write.....  create a sacred space in your apartment for something that builds you up and nurtures you.  What are you reading now?  You need to read things that support your journey......

It doesn't take a lot of money to do these things.  It takes mindful attention to yourself and what feeds your soul.