Setting the record straight about Ami

[Leah]

Lise, when you make excuses that are contrary to the facts, you are enabling.  When you blame the victim, you are enabling.

I know you know what the truth is Ami.

Tell the truth Ami.  There is no shame in telling the truth. You will begin to heal if you tell the truth.

With respect,

We may wish to consider leaving this between Paps and Ami now

for the sake of Ami's healing.


Don't you think that would be wise?


Respectfully,

Leah

[Ami]

If every person on this board comes "against" me , I stand with my original perceptions. I am sorry if you don't like it,but that is how it is. 
                                   Ami

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

Hi everybody,

I think everything that can be said in this thread has been said, but I'll give people six more hours to post their final thoughts.  Then the thread will be locked.

Best,

Richard

[Ami]

I stick to my original perceptions Amber . Your concern is noted. I have explained myself many times. You are free to have your opinion ,of course and you do,as I do. I guess this is what you call an impasse.

[reallyME]

Ok, it's clear to me now.  Janet raised a boundary, Ami respected it, as far as she could tell.

~Laura

[Hopalong]

There have been a few times in my life when I have been seriously invasive, and bulldozed right over another person's boundary. I had all sorts of rationalizations because it was easier to review those than to feel the guilt.

It was one of the more excruciating things I ever faced up to. It triggered a lot of shame. I didn't know why I did it. It took me a very long time to really understand it. (Internalized Nbehavior.)

Eventually, though, accepting that responsibility was one of the most healing things that's ever happened to me. It took a good while (as in a couple of years, to fully recognize it).

Now I'm more integrated, at peace. It is much easier to be compassionate to myself since I worked through that piece.

Hops

[Ami]

I do not care if every "dog"on the board goes after me. . I stand with my assessment,as I have said. If anyone wants to hang me in effigy--have a good time. I am off to the gym                              Ami

[Ami]

My Yes was for Laura ,Amber. Amber ,you could be IN my house RIGHT now pounding my head against the floor and I would still stick to my perceptions-----Get it?                 Ami

[JanetLG]

Ok, it's clear to me now.  Janet raised a boundary, Ami respected it, as far as she could tell.

~Laura

:: thumping forehead on Lighter's keyboard in disbelief ::

[Leah]

Ok, it's clear to me now.  Janet raised a boundary, Ami respected it, as far as she could tell.

~Laura

:: thumping forehead on Lighter's keyboard in disbelief ::

:: thumping forehead on Lighter's keyboard in disbelief ::

[Leah]

Ok, it's clear to me now.  Janet raised a boundary, Ami respected it, as far as she could tell.

~Laura

With respect,

Laura, how can it be clear to you, as you have stated that you were confused regarding the thread posts,

yet, despite this, you invited Ami into your Pastoral Care to give her support on a one-to-one basis in PM land.


What is clear, however, is that you are now enmeshed in that situation, and that your above statement is one of Enabling.

As the wise man on the board has been saying, of whom I discern and respect, enabling prevents healing.


With respect here is the truth .....

From Janets first post:

I decided to set a boundary, and told her that I no longer wanted to hear any details at all of the relattionship she is having. She agreed to respect my boundary....and then in the very next sentence, stomped all over it, by saying 'I respect what you are saying about ****. I just want to ask you WHY you think it is doomed--just your opinion' (and other questions, which I don't want to list here).

Then you misrepresented the PM in a public thread.

Now you are telling Leah what her feelings are.

All the while insisting that you have done nothing wrong....

This is what you say Ami :  What I AM saying was Janet set a boundary and I ADHERED to it.

You did not adhere to it.  Tell the truth Ami.

[lighter]

My Yes was for Laura ,Amber. Amber ,you could be IN my house RIGHT now pounding my head against the floor and I would still stick to my perceptions-----Get it?                 Ami

Ummmm, Ami?

This is one of those posts, to one of the board's wise women who's braved the valley of death.... only to come through have their face slapped by you?

Your need to scapegoat and avoid responsibility appears to be pathological and somewhat evil, considering the people you've chosen to gaslight and play with.

I think this behavior is disgusting.....

and





I






am






disgusted.


::Picking red flag up and applying ice to Janet's forehead::

[Ami]

I always wanted to study Social Psycholgy. I was fascinated by things like the Milgrim experiment. Now, I am living in the middle of a lynch mob. The funny thing is that with all your hatred and all your vitriol, you have given me a priceless gift. If every single one of you "hates" me,I STILL did what I said. I am STILL here. I faced shame and humiliation and I  am still standing. My WORST nighmare came true. I was shamed and humiliated in a public setting. THIS was the stuff of which my phobias were made,
   Guess what? I have a few people who love me. God loves me. I have a core after all. WHO could endure THIS without a core.?
   So, all is well that ends well.  Now, off to the gym!

[paps]

I don't hate you Ami.  I had an N mom too.  This must be very scary for you, but I know you can do this.  You have the strength to do this. I've read many of your posts.  I know you want to heal.  Tell the truth Ami.

[Gabben]

  Tell the truth Ami.

Paps,

Quit battering her.

Lise