Addictions

[teartracks]

Ami and Carolyn have a powerful dialogue going on.  I don't want to muddy the water with this post, so I'm moving it to a new thread titled Teartracks, Parental Narcissism.  So take that into account when you read Ami's response to my post which is now under a new thread.

tt

[Ami]

Thanks so much TT.
When I get quiet inside, I know that she is STILL the same. *I* have changed ,though. The board gave me the strength to back her down and  take back SOME  of what she stole from me.    Love You, TT          Ami

[Ami]

Dear Carolyn,
 I guess that I would like to write a thread about how I am different than she is. I kept my sanity,as a kid, as long as I could see that clear ray of light. I used to repeat to myself, " I am not anything like she is.' I hung on to this for dear life. I drowned when I could not hang on to it anymore.
  Now, I am clutching for that same rope,'I am different than she is."In that truth is my freedom.             Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Ami,

I understand clinging to that rope. Just for one example, I spend alot of time admitting when I'm wrong, for that very reason... because my mother never has. Not once. Not ever admitted that she was wrong about anything.
I'm more like my mother than I care to ponder, and yet I know that those genetic ties can be broken... by the Holy Spirit.
So I keep examining the likenesses... disturbing as that can be.
Anyhow, I offer you my honest support as you move forward.

With love,
Carolyn

[Leah]

Dear Ami,

To be honest, my thoughts are the same as Izzy's

having read this, your thread, 4 times.

And taken into consideration all your threads and postings to present,

of which, all in all, there are so many inconsistencies, too many.

So, Ami, honestly, how about just drawing a line, and simply start over, afresh, and tell it all like is was, and really is.

Respectfully yours,

Love, Leah

[Certain Hope]

Izzy and Leah,

About your suggestion to draw a line and start over...

I have a sense, a feeling, that is just exactly what Ami has been trying to accomplish here over the past few days...

or maybe I'm putting too much of my own emotion into this and assuming too much?

Either way, I cannot imagine a better time for a fresh beginning!

Happy New Year to you both.

Carolyn

[Ami]

Dear Izzy and Leah,
  I feel confused at people's questioning of me as if I am lying. To have N's in your life is very confusing  and disconcerting.
  I can assure you that any inconsistencies are merely my own confusion--not lying or deception.  The LAST thing that I would have chosen for my life is to be on a board healing from N's.
 I would want a kind loving M and H. Who would lie and make up a life story complete with N's(lol). I don't think so. You will just have to bear with me, Girls.         Ami

[Ami]

Thank you for your graciousness, Carolyn.              Ami

[Certain Hope]

You're welcome, Ami... and yet I really must ask -

Do you see the many inconsistencies in your past posts? .......

or not?

Carolyn

[Ami]

Dear Carolyn,
 I don't really 'get" what people are saying about inconsistencies. I really don't. This is how I see it. My M acted like an NPD(Vaknin) for my entire life. I got strong ,from the board, and I beat her down(stood up with strength). She backed down. She may or may not have gotten insight(maybe a little,maybe none). I  feel like NOW  I have to differentiate myself from her, as my next step.
  I don't understand where the inconsistencies are. She was beaten down and backed down b/c I was a "bigger dog" and she is a coward.
 We had a good time b/c she was backed down and it was an enjoyable time b/c she was not "baiting me'(too much).    Ami

[Certain Hope]

Dear Carolyn,
 I don't really 'get" what people are saying about inconsistencies. I really don't. This is how I see it. My M acted like an NPD(Vaknin) for my entire life. I got strong ,from the board, and I beat her down(stood up with strength). She backed down. She may or may not have gotten insight(maybe a little,maybe none). I  feel like NOW  I have to differentiate myself from her, as my next step.
  I don't understand where the inconsistencies are. She was beaten down and backed down b/c I was a "bigger dog" and she is a coward.
 We had a good time b/c she was backed down and it was an enjoyable time b/c she was not "baiting me'(too much).    Ami

Thank you for responding, Ami.

I can see that my previous sense of what was happening here was wrong.
Indeed, I was putting my own emotional spin onto this, as when I wrote here:

"I have a sense, a feeling, that is just exactly what Ami has been trying to accomplish here over the past few days...
or maybe I'm putting too much of my own emotion into this and assuming too much?"

I thought maybe you just didn't know how to admit that there's a possibility you've been wrong about the labels you've placed on your mother, husband, son, and others.. even others here on this board. Now I feel that you're not a bit concerned with whether or not you've been wrong, as long as you're allowed to freely move on as though you'd never labeled people.

And so I ask you, Ami... do you ever admit that you're wrong? Do you ever apologize to the people you've maligned?

That's an important question, because without a willingness to do that, what sort of foundation do you expect to build upon?

Thank you.

Carolyn

[Ami]

Carolyn,
 A label of an N is not a totally concrete thing(written in stone). My M IS an N,as far as Vaknin's book says. My H is N ish. I don't understand your point. I really don't. Are you trying to say s/thing to me that you need to say in a stronger way, Carolyn. Maybe I am dense, but I don't understand your point.
   The label on my M is N. I don't understand the confusion, Carolyn. Are you asking me a question about us--you and me ?      Ami

[Certain Hope]

No, Ami, I'm not asking you a question about you and me... because I have no expectations in that regard.

And it occurs to me.... considering the above, maybe I should take another look at why I'm even trying to communicate  with you.

Besides, you've already answered my questions, I guess... you apparently see no problem with your behavior.

The thing is.... I've been wrong about people many times... both here on this message board and in "real life".  Many people have not turned out to be anything like I expected and I've had to apologize for jumping to conclusions.
But I don't see you admitting to ever being wrong and, to me, that's a gigantic red flag. I hope that I'm wrong about you, but it feels to me like you are content to dismiss people and just move on, regardless of how you may have misjudged and wounded them/ their reputations. It feels like trying to build a future on a heap of dead bodies.. and that's as dramatic as I care to be.

Carolyn

[Ami]

Carolyn,
  If you care to have a discussion with me, I am open for it,but it will have to have more specifics or I can't  follow it. If you would like to ask me s/thing about you and me, I am open to a question, but I can't address issues in so general a way. I am sorry.
  Do I ever apologize--many,many times. However,it is reasonable to know what I am apologizing for. I know that you would agree, Carolyn. If I see that I am wrong,I will  apologize. However, you are not giving me specifics, Carolyn.            Ami

[Certain Hope]

Ami,

  I'm glad to hear that you do apologize! I was really beginning to think that you never entertained the possibility that you might be wrong or that your being wrong might warrant an apology and not a shaking off of the dust from your sandals.

At this time, I'm satisfied that I have a sufficient understanding of your outlook and I don't see any point in asking further questions, but I'll be sure to ask if anything comes up. Thank you and Happy New Year!

Carolyn