Hi everybody, thank you for your nice responses.
Grat, I never thought you would be so young. I am sorry that you are so young and struggling. I wish I was 38 again.LOL.
Dear Laighter, your post was so deep, and so interesting. I just wook up. On January or 2007, one year ago I opened my eyes for the first time. Not knowing anything, being so cinfused, so deperate. I slept walk throu fifty years of life.
It happened when I thought I was an N mother and I felt so guilty and so sad about my son, and found the book children of the self abosorbed.
Then I knew I was not an N because N do not feel guilt, do not feel remorse, and never rectify. I have always apologized to my son when I screwed up, I always invited my son's friends to our house and fed them and drove them to the movies, and promoted his talents. As opposed to my mother who isolated me totally, even from my own sister and brother, did not allowed visitors, and always told me that the only person that I should love was her because she was the only one who would give a kidney to me.
So, it was difficult to like people or to love people, when I was punished even when I made nice comments about my aunts, or anybody else. My mom got mad at me.
So, after reading that book, I knew, I was a co-N. Cnfused as a mad cow, blind, sleep walking all the time. Fortunately I let my son go to live in university dorms at 17, so I did not damage him more.
My son says I was a good mother. He loves me. That tells me I was not so bad. Not and N for sure.
So, the point is that some wake up at 20, my son wook up at 17, when he went to university, and now he is excelent person.
Others weak up far much later. Some never wake up and sleep walk thougrh life until death.
I have been so empty these last days, that it was hard to post.
I see so many people walking in circles, but there is nothing you can do when somebody is deaf, blind, difficult to help when you have no strenght.
Like in the airplanes, they say, you have to get your own oxigen mask first, before you try to help your child. You cannot help your child if you are not breathing well.
Same way with beach life recuers. Some times they have to nock off the rescuee to be able to help him or both will drown together.
I dont make any sense. I am empty today. Blunt.
GFM wants piano lessons from me. She is coming today. How can I say no to her? My son, what would he want me to do? I tried to ask him but he did not asnwer the phone that I pay.
