How old are we?

[lighter]

Lupita:

Your entire post made sense to me.

It's hard to believe ourselves though..... completely internalize our own feelings.... I think you're doing that and it comes and goes.

You can invalidate your own posts but..... I want to say..... you made sense and you need to start believing your own words.

As far as the piano lessons.  You want to say NO to her.  Say no, sorry, I can't fit that in right now.... I have X Y and Z things to do but I'll get back to you on that if I can figure it out.

Or..... give her a lesson and relax into your strength...... try to make it a sacred space between you and her, where she can't bother you. 

If you're laughing, oh well.... just threw that out there in case you got something out of it. 

I can't fix anyone's problems.... maybe not even my own but..... I like to get other people's opinions and perspectives bc it sometimes helps me find my own unique answer that I otherwise wouldn't have been lead to.

Sometimes it just makes me feel less helpless and lonely to listen to other people's thoughts about my situation.

I understand about the energy and body image right now..... it doesn't help to dwell on the negative.... must do some positive and the negative begins to come around, is my experience.  Will see.

[Lupita]

just washed the dishes. little by little.

[lighter]

I started school admission paperwork yesterday..... little by little.

Still have Christmas to take down: /

[Lupita]

Went to the gym. Will practice piano for church tomorrow. Study a little of my Step 3 and make payments, go through my mail, so much prorastination.

What is the purpose of my life?

Life is difficult, then you die.

What can I do to get a residency training position?

I dont even know where I want to go or what I want to be.

At my age, that is bad.

[Lupita]

And one more thing, what school? to study what? how will you pay for it? will you go at night?

[lighter]

I have to get my 5yo into another school this year. 

Her school ends at preK.

That means the admissions process for the school my oldest attends, and several more, just in case she isn't accepted...... seems daunting to tackle right now.

It's a struggle for me, even when I'm  not living like I'm under siege.

Very tired and past the point of procrastinating on bills. 

At least you raised your child.... I still have that before me and I'm about at the same state in life as you.

[Lupita]

"At least you raised your child.... I still have that before me and I'm about at the same state in life as you."


This is the first time I have heard you complain. I have never heard you complain before. I am so glad you did. That means you are human. I started to think that you were from Mars.

That is not the worst part, Laighter. The worst is when they grow up and they become independent and you have to let go.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is painful as hell.

[Lupita]

And when you start worying about their partners, boyfriends, girlfriends, knowing what you know now, you dont want an N for your babies. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

And then when you tell them they get mad at you and dont want to listen no more. NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You pay cell phone and they send three hundred txt messages to GF and do not answer to you. NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

And then GFM brags that they spent time with her and watched a movie together until 2:00 AM NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lighter]

::Putting fingers in ears:::

lalaallalalalalallalalalalalalalalalalalalalal....

I can't quite wrap my mind around that struggle just yet, Lupita...lol.

I have some time to research and study that before it lands on my head

[Overcomer]

And then they get married!  NOoooo!

[lighter]

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!

[axa]

When I was 11 I knew there was something wrong with me.  I felt like I belonged to a different world.  I cried so much as a child.  I thought when I left home everything would be ok.  If I got away from my N parents then life would get better.  It did not.  I carried with me all the introjects so firmly embedded in mysoul.  I have been very unhappy most of my life.  There were some good bits but mostly I have been full of emotional pain.  I just never knew how to be!  Started reading self help books in my late 20s in the hope that I would learn something.  I desperately wanted to change but had no idea how to go about it.  Started therapy in my thirties and I honestly believe that was what kept me alive.  I think my 40s have been the worst and best of times.  I know I don't have to be a victim any longer and that is huge.  I hope it gets better, wish the time would slow down a little though.........those birthdays keep coming faster and faster.

axa

[emptied]

I am 46 and 47 isn't that far down the road. I can't believe it! They were right when they said that every year goes by faster.

[Izzy_*now*]

((((((((((((((axa)))))))))))))

Just as I am/was. At 15 though, wondering what was wrong with me. I know there are some things you post that are dead on with me.

I know that feeling when it carries on year after year, even when leaving the dysfunctional home, because we take ourselves with us.

In my journey, my problems were bits and pieces of each and every self-help book....no definite one.

.....and yes the birthdays come faster. I joined here at 68 and 69 now looms. Imagine. I don't look 69 though. I am taken for 45-50, but my thoughts are 68-9 years old, as is my body.  My mind in another way feels young as are some of my actions. Sometimes it is said that if we really missed our childhood (really never had a good one) we become a bit stilted in our maturity until our mind catches up to out bodies. Ns however, and alcoholics seem to act the age they were when either was determined in their minds. N here was 13 when he realized alcoholism and most of the time acted like a 13 year old.

I had my last leg x-ray today and when I left, Dave, the male nurse, who saw me through a broken ankle in 2003, said "I'll see you next time!!!"


Hang in there and remember "It was not your fault"!

love
Izzy

[emptied]

Thanks Izzy, you are a peach!