My New Counselor

[Ami]

 I kept telling the counselor that I wanted to face my part in Scott's death. I told her that I wanted to be honest with myself.
  I had told Scott that I did not want to hear him talking about how he was 'dumb" and boring. I said that it was lies and  I did not want to entertain lies ,as if they were truth.
 She told me that I "disengaged " from Scott ,at that point and that layed the foundation for his death. What a freaking grief counselor she is (lol)  I felt like she slapped me across the face and she did ,knowingly or unknowingly.
  THEN, we did not go up and get Scott at school that day b/c he had said the same things many,many times.
  She told me that I did not have a Mother's heart.
  So, I , felt really horrible. I called GS,my special "grief" angel and she knew ,exactly what I was going through and I came  back in to the land of the living.
  I still feel very  unsettled.
  Ann may have been right about allowing Scott to talk about anything.I would do that ,now,but she was very harsh(too harsh for me ,anyway)
  Then, I said that I wanted to face the truth ,without lies, She said,kind of nastily,'Don't worry, I will make sure you do" or s/thing like that---Nurse  Ratchett--bleh.
 

[Gaining Strength]

Something is terribly, terribly wrong with anyone suggesting to the mother of a child who committed suicide only a few weeks before that she did not have a mothering instinct.  That is cruel beyond comprehension.  I cannot even comprehend it.  It is shocking and cruel and wrong.

She clearly has some strengths but she is in this case wrong.

[Overcomer]

Reality therapy can happen in a year or two-now you need love and support and you have that with us ok?

[Ami]

Thank you GS and Kelly,
  I apppreciate it so, so much!    Love, Ami

[teartracks]

Dear Ami,

Couldn't she see or even sense that you were hemmoraging on the inside? 

I'm sending you serious hugs tonight.

tt

[Ami]

Oh TT,
 I have had the night to think about it. Ann is a minister, not a counselor. I kept telling her that I wanted to face the truth. I guess she took me at my word(lol)
 After talking to people whom I love and trust, I realized that I will keep going with Ann. She has a lot to teach me. Either she was triggered and was nasty or she was just "honest" as I told her to be ,and it was too much  for me.
 GS helped me when I became a puddle on the floor.She mopped me up(lol)!
 So,I will be careful when I tell Ann to be honest(lol) She told me ,at the beginning of the session, that she meets people where they are.She told me that she saw me as having a "maturity" ,so she could deal with me differently than my H,for example
She told me that I had a push forward toward life and I really appreciated her saying that.
 I think that I will just put her "offensive" comments aside and go on with what she can teach me.
 Actually, she is right about Scott. I let my H "have him". My H was grooming Scott to be "golden" and I stopped actively fighting it.I figured that it would be a stage.My H was trying to turn Scott against me (always)and I stopped ,actively, fighting this ,too.
 I did keep telling Scott the truth the best that I could ,but Ann was right, I DID let my H "take over " Scott and I backed off. Ann was right.Of course, I did not know what would happen. Of course,if I could go back, I would fight like a lion, for him.
I let Scott down and Ann was right.
Ann said that, it doesn't matter,to God, if Scott got "there" a few years earlier. She said that Scott's being with God is merciful.
 She prayed for me to put my 'mistakes' with Jesus and leave them there. She told me not to take them back. If God has them and told us He would take them and forgive us, ---Who are we to argue? It is pride to believe I am so bad that God can't forgive me. It is pride to take them back,after I gave them up.
  Ann told me that my assignment is to nurture myself, with beauty (nature, music, art)etc. I have been punishing myself for not being "good enough" for my M ,for my whole life.
  Ann told me that I must force myself to draw beauty in to my life and I will.
 All in all, Ann is worth going forward with.
Thanks for caringTT, Kelly and GS(mopper ,lol)         Love      Ami

[Hermes]

Hello Ami:

I also think your counsellor sounds good, and she has a positive approach.  I am sure she and you together will make great strides.

All the best to you.
Hermes

[Ami]

She has many things to teach me. Thanks for your input ,Hermes, and all the kind and supportive posts!                                      Love   Ami

[Leah]

Dear Ami,

You felt that God had led Ann to you, as you have said; "only the truth shall set you free"

While it does seems a little too sharp and soon -- i.e. most people would be perhaps working this through sometime later on.

However, I believe that God's timing is always perfect.

Ami, you asked for the truth, to be set free, and I believe in my heart, that you will.

Warm thoughts and wishes,

Leah x

"Shalom"

[Ami]

Dear Leah,
  . Truth IS the healer, whether or not the "timing" is right(lol). I can see the truth in what Ann says,now. I should have been fighting, more actively ,for Scott(using spiritual tools). I thought Scott would go through a stage and come  out of it.In that sense, I let Scott  down and "allowed" what happened to happen. Ann was right.It was a 'bite", yesterday, though.
 Ann said s/thing very true, though. Reaching Heaven is the key and the most important thing. Scott did that and his life's timing is so much less important than his final  destination. Thank God I have that peace, and I do. I introduced him to God, and that is the most important thing in anyone's life.                     Love,       Ami

[Leah]

Dear Ami,

I can relate in a sense, as when I was in counselling with a Christian Counsellor, sometime after I had come out of Spiritual Abuse etc., one time, it was like being slapped awake, "like being slapped with a wet kipper" LOL.

I sat there indignant thinking "call yourself a kind christian counsellor"  ..... but, it was the best thing, for me!  It was wakey wakey.

I had sought God for the truth, and He gave it me, though the truth included bits of me too!!! 

The lady I had, sounds like your Ann. 

In the world there is a term, which I think is maybe misunderstood ....  "cruel to be kind" maybe that is it in a sense.

Maybe, the truth is cruel to feel, as it was for me that time, way back then, as I was lost, and could not find my way back to my Self.

God is in charge, and He knows what He is doing.  Thank goodness!

As for your dear Scott, you did lead him to the Lord and salvation, the best gift for anyone.  As a christian, I think the gift of salvation far outweighs the gift of healing, better to be saved, first and foremost.  IMO.

Love, Leah x

[Hermes]

Yes, Ami. Truth is indeed the healer.  And truth can be rather sharp, like the surgeon's scalpel that cuts away the diseased area to cure.  

You have great courage, Ami, and you are not deterred by hearing what perhaps is hard to hear.  That is a considerable gift.

All the best
Hermes

[reallyME]

Ami,

I have two thoughts about your counselor's approach.

First of all:  .

She told me that she saw me as having a "maturity" ,so she could deal with me differently than my H,

this tends to always bring RED FLAGS for me.  When a leader years ago said to me "I just feel like you need a stronger arm to deal with you and that you can handle it.  I'm just so much tougher on you and I feel guilty yet I know you can take it, but I'd never treat anyone ELSE this way, Laura"...when they say that, I RUN LIKE THE WIND, because it means an awful lot of "counsel" without "tact" and "concern for feelings" toward me.

I can't and won't tell you who to see for counseling, but I already don't like this lady's approach.  If she is a minister, that is one HECK of a way to minister to someone!  To blame you for Scott's death because you wanted him to only speak "whatsoever things are good, noble of a good report, etc"  well that was not YOUR fault.  That was about Scott wanting to have a pity party and drag you down with him.  Maybe he needed meds or deliverance or some other help, but I KNOW how it is to talk to someone who uses constant ROTE responses and NEGATIVE ones at that!  It can kill YOU let alone THEM.

You did the best you could with your son.  Do not OWN the blame for his death.  You did not kill him.  HE killed himself by his own choice and hand.

I'm very disturbed by this lady's methods and not sure I'd call her a minister OR a counselor, personally.

I'm sorry you are going through such a thing, and I advise you to ask yourself if you are putting up with this, mainly because you feel a NEED to be punished or lambasted, to alleviate any personal guilt you already felt or does God INDEED really have you with her to teach you something about self or situation?

I don't know...

~Laura

[Leah]

Dear Laura,

Hope you don't mind my asking this question, out of genuine interest,

as we all know here on board, as you have mentioned, that you are a Pastor who is Counsellor

which type of counselling do you use?

Thanks,

Leah x

[reallyME]

Leah,

I don't follow any one method, other than when it comes to the Bible.  In that case, I tend to lean toward Full Gospel, knowing who you are in Christ.  I am led by Holy Spirit in what I share with people.  I have gone through various forms of training through the years as well.  Other than the Bible, I use what I've gleaned from the following:

Evangelism training
Crisis Counseling
Lifesavers Ministries
Demonology
Personal mentoring
Classes in Psych, Abnormal Psych, Sociology

I'm one who does not believe that everyone has to go to seminary to be a minister, nor do I believe that counselors who have not gone to college, are not good counselors.  In fact, many people who have gone to college, are more messed up as a result of it.