Could this statement from you to her "won't live together" have been a red flag for her that you were on to her?
N's love to be admired, adored, valued etc.. your seeing under her wool so to speak was like putting a pin in the N supply balloon for her.
Sure. I agree. From that point on, everything changed.
It was the first time I didn't accept her excuses and I didn't ask for something (not that asking for something was OK, it never produced any result, the few times I did it).
This time I made a decision.
A few days later, when I told her I wanted to cancel the legal marriage (there would still be the religious/social ceremony) due to her contacts, it must have been too much. She is the kind of N that all things must be 100% (at least) her way. Even the therapist we were seeing (the one that helped her a lot with her plans) in the end acknowledged that in order to make the relationship work I would have to give in, give in, give in, give in... expecting nothing in return.
So, the first plausible explanation for sending me away would be that, knowing how much I was submissive before, and now, having my baby, that I was crazy for, she certainly thought I would come crawling back, even more submissive, no questions asked.
But nobody, even another therapist that classifies her problems as Narcissism and Perversion (in the Freudian sense), thinks this possibility could explain her present behavior. They say that she would be using the pregnancy to manipulate me completely (and that would work, I have to admit).
So now almost everyone thinks she is not sure which guy is the father, and after I didn't buy into the hurried marriage (= woke up = saw under her wool), she talked to her mother and they decided to keep a low profile and avoid conversations till everything clears up. In the meantime, it is possible that she went after the other guy and he just brushed her off. But, in my opinion she is strangely quiet, she wouldn't act like this if she were alone, she can't stand it.
But these are nothing but possibilities, it could be even possible that she really is sure that I am the father, there's no other guy and it is just one of her crazy behaviors, who knows.
What has to be even more painful for you is the baby, not knowing, or knowing...it has to be just down right frustrating at times and anguishing.
So the baby's due date is August? I'm still unclear.
Exactly. Some days I am sure I am the father. Other days I am sure I am not. Sometimes I remember things that happened (including some good) and it is despairing. It is still very harrowing to see pregnant women and babies.
Yes, the date is August, 5th. But I think it will happen before (she is small, first pregnancy, she was born prematurely).
It sounds to me like you are moving on from her and have been moving on from her for quite a while? Your just in need of talking about this because that is what N's leave you with, a mess of emotions and confusion and pain to sort out. Also, not to mention the possibility of your baby, the desire to take responsibility for your baby and the not know about.
Yes, I have been moving on from her and it has not been easy, although her distance is helping me. If she had called me and told me that she really wanted to talk, I wouldn't be able to say no.
Thank you, Lise
