Homeless

[axa]

Hi,

I have been feeling quite vulnerable lately.  I am struggling to see what this vulnerability is about.  Underlying it is a sense of aloneness in the world.  I have posted about connections and being mistrustful and appreciate the responses which are helping me see my way through this.  Something that dawned on me is that I have always felt VESMB was a safe place where I could run to, a sort of home.  Acknowledging the positive contact I have had here however,  it has ceased to be that "safe place" for me.  I understand that, as in life there is always confict, and it can be healthy when it is worked through but it seems more than that here.  I am not challenging any individual, I understand that we are all struggling here one way or another but the foundations which always seemed so solid appear shaky to me at this time. 

I do not have any answers and I often choose to not read posts which I think will trigger me but it just feels like a different place.  Maybe this is a transitional time, some old people are not around so much and I am missing them or maybe I just am just tired of the conflict.  I am not suggesting anyone do anything they do not want to do but am just using my voice to say I miss the warmth and once again feel  sadness at the loss of my safe place, which I really could do with right now.  I feel homeless.

Axa

[gratitude28]

axa,
There are some who will always be here for you and provide a home. I stick to the topics that are posted in need and a desire to help each other learn and understand. Please don't feel like you don't have a home. Just pick which neighborhood you want to stick with for a while
Lots of love and wishing you a nice day (and I hope it's warmer there than it is here).
Love, Beth

[Certain Hope]

Dear (((((((((Axa))))))))))  Your heart is so tender and that's a wonderful blessing - you are a wonderful blessing - to all of us here. Once again, I'm so glad that you're able to express what you're feeling and to reach out for comfort and understanding.
Please don't ever hesitate to ask for what you need. Your post is very timely for me and much appreciated. This place has been such a solace through tough times... it really is so important to keep the home fires burning. I will try.

Love to you,
Carolyn

[axa]

Beth,

That was such a sweet thing to say.  I choose where I post but many times within recent past I have started posts and deleted them.  I guess I miss the days when I felt cofident enough to post with ease.  It really does feel like such a different place for me.  I have gained so much from this place and welcomed the respectful challenges that came my way, made me feel uncomfortable at times, but pushed me to look at my behaviour, in, may I add, a supportive and caring way. 

Phoenix, feeling those hugs, thank you.

Carolyn,

Thank you for those kind words.  I appreciate you hear what I am saying.

axa

[Gabben]

I do not have any answers and I often choose to not read posts which I think will trigger me but it just feels like a different place. 

Axa,

Agreed with Carolyn here. It was good to hear you express your mind and heart.

The line you wrote above is a good one and is good advice. However, lately, speaking for myself, I realized that I cannot run from certain people, if I truly know myself, who I am, then whatever the person writes can have no power over me. If someone triggers me then it is me, not the person that needs to change. The board can really teach me to practice seeking to understand rather than be understood.

Then I thought to myself that I will ignore that person who trigger me. But instead I decided to face head on the pain they were triggering and what the issue or memory is about. It hurts. But I am less and less affected and less and less triggered, it is freeing. I do not want to ignore people, I know how much that hurts us and I want to do to others what I would want done to me.

Many lessons I have learned here and many more to go.

Take what you like and compost the rest.

((((((((((axa))))))))))

[axa]

Gabben,

I accept that it is not possible to change others nor do I wish to.  I think of this place like 3d life.  I go to what I feel is like a 3d room to meet with friends and others I do not know so well.  My experience has been here, on the whole, people agree/disagree/cry/laugh/support/advise etc....... As in 3d life I feel closer to some more than others.   Maybe this is not so much about being triggered as deciding when I started this journey that I don't want to engage with people who I find disrespectful.  My experience is that if someone is disrespectful to others there is a pretty good chance they will be disrespectful to me also.  I don't need that and I don't want that.  Going back to my 3d perspective, recently it has felt, for me, as if I have entered a room with lots of people shouting.  My experience is that it is difficult for anyone to hear the other when there is so much shouting going on. I miss the overall tone of the board which I have found very supportive and listening in the past.

Hope this makes some sense, my 2cents worth.  I am pleased that you are gaining from being here.  Trying to learn my lessons also - many more to go for me too.

axa

[Hopalong]

if someone is disrespectful to others there is a pretty good chance they will be disrespectful to me also.

That's a healthy screening device, Axa...I wholeheartedly agree.
I miss you.

I also miss the reliable gentleness, consideration and peace.
I also wish the board hadn't become a dart board for projectile posters.

It makes me sad. We had a long run as a consistently respectful and maturely nurturing community, and then I feel as though the board was invaded by strident pious screechers. I feel battered by the volume sometimes.

I'm hanging in here because I SO valued the thoughtful, self-examinng (as opposed to self-loathing) posts here that have taught me so much. Including yours.

Stay if you can. Maybe many of us (Where's Mum?) we'll weather it together and the board will recover its equilibrium, and those to whom this is just another waystation in a forum feeding frenzy will go find another place for the daily drama.

(Sound bitter? Wow. Didn't realize I was. I'll release that as fast as I can.)

love,
Hops

[Certain Hope]

((((((((((Hops)))))))))  yes, it sounds bitter, but I understand. And I think the whole spiel with the board is just a phase.

Love and more hugs,
Carolyn

[Leah]

(((((( Axa )))))))   and   (((((( Hops )))))))

Love and peace to you both.

Leah x

[Gabben]

Peace and hugs to you ((((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))

[Hopalong]

Awoooooooo, BeSee!

Many times a-woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

love and thanks,
Hops

PS thanks for hugs, Lise and Leah

[Leah]

You are most welcome, Hops

Have you had any feedback from your minster regarding your suggestion of a "Help Needs"  ??

Was thinking about it today.

Love, Leah

[Sela]

Hi Axa,

I haven't been reading here much lately so I'm not with it at the moment regarding who/what conflict etc, but I can sure relate to your post.

What feels warm and homey to me, though, are all the above posts that came after yours and the people who took the time and bothered to post them.  There are plenty of people here who not only wish to treat you with respect but who truly seem to respect you (it looks like to me).  That's a wonderful thing eh?

It's hard to ignor the rest but it is probably the best thing to do (which I need to follow myself --- did you hear that self??? !!!  Ignor the rest!!!).

Then at other times.......

my goat gets got (and I may go away for awhile.....and try to figger out how to get it back...."here goat!  here goat!!").

As Hops said:

I feel battered by the volume sometimes

Me too.

Question:  Who really has the volume control?

Nother question:  What if we just press:   "Mute"? or change the channel?

That's not always easy though is it?  I do get that....been there.....all that.

Anyway, I hope this helps and if not.......pitch to the wicked wind.

((((((((Axa)))))))  When I really think about it........even the hard/rough/rude/even nasty stuff ......helped me.   I had to choose whether or not to use my voice and to what extent and to learn to judge carefully. (on edit:  Am I even nearly near there yet?)

Sela

[Hopalong]

Hi Leah,
The minister's cogitating over whether I need a team of volunteers and a pilot run with smaller groups first...we're corresponding about it. Thanks for asking.

Hi Sela,
I hear you. Thanks for the calm and perspective.
What I find when religion becomes a primary language here (wouldn't matter which one, it just happens to be Christianity that dominates) is that the text stuff is inexhuastible. (Which feels exhausting.) As are Net articles, etc. Sometimes it feels more impersonal in a way, even through the personal stories, because things come to a certain point and there's always the text or reference to deity and that seems to stop the work. (Or maybe, for believers, that's where the work begins.) I don't disrespect it at all, particularly in the case of believers whom I love and respect so much, I just sometimes wish there could be certain threads where believers testify and work on their religious issues, and other threads could be for just sharing life, more the way the board used to be.

Why I should be able to control this sort of thing, though, is beyond me. And it's not a bad experience for me to be in the minority...I'm used to that. Christianity does dominate our culture (as well as inspire it) and I'm the only UU on the block. Literally, in my neighborhood...there are Presbyterians in several directions, all my neighbors (they even got together to buy several houses in a row)...and me. They're good people. I just get lonesome for somebody who's more nonconformist.

Hmmm. Come to think of it, I have seen Stop the War yard signs and a lavender front door up the block. I think it's two gay guys. I must go bang on the door and take them muffins. 

MUFFINS!
love
Hops

[gratitude28]

Wow, Hops... Back to your thoughts on 'if someone is disrespectful to someone else, I feel they could be disrespectful to me.'
This one phrase is wonderful as a life mantra. Fill in any word for disrespectful... (well, not quite any...) and it will work. I DO gear my reactions to people here and in 3D by their general actions. If a person is gossipy, I never talk about anything but the weather If they pick on people, I show disapproval by not seconding their jibe and cutting contact, and so on. Such a great point, Hops.
Love, Beth