I want to share something wonderful that happened to me. Since my teens, I have hated myself, and not even realized it. It had become "normal". I did not have enough of a gap,in to my own behavior to even see how "violently" I hated myself.
I have seen Ann three times and my friend(very smart) has helped me to gain some insight.
Last week, I had a breakthrough.
Ann was telling me that my stomach problems were about not feeling safe. I saw that I never could feel safe enough. I had a drive to make myself and my life so small that I could finally be safe.
Then,I talked to my friend ,who showed me that my life with my M was a Catch 22 where I was always failing and ALWAYS being decimated for it. I was trying to reach the "top"(perfection)and being thrown to the 'bottom". My M was in my head and I was doomed to repeat this,over and over.
I said,"How could YOU like me, after all this?"
The answer was "Your question "reveals" the problem :that you have to be "perfect" before I can like you."
Then,I got dizzy b/c that interaction mirrored my WHOLE life. I had to be perfect and I was a continual loser, over and over, b/c I always falied.
After that(Sunday), I started feeling that I could love myself. I felt like I had been given the most wonderful gift, which dropped from the sky ,when I didn't even KNOW that I needed it.
I have been given many material gifts and I am grateful for them all, but the gift of your own love for yourself is priceless.
I have just begun this journey AWAY from my NM's hatred of me( and herself).
However,I have taken the first step and the first step is beautiful ,even though it is small. Ami