Kelly,
About your gyno issues, maybe go see a really good gynological endocrinologist. Maybe you have fibroids? I did and I had the fibroids treated using a laser, it really helped. Please do not get a hysterectomy, it can really screw up your hormones.
Kelly, what if you also saw a really good psychologist and go into therapy with the main objective of learning how to deal with your NM so that You won't allow her to drive you nuts? Notice that I said YOU won't ALLOW HER to screw you up, not that she screws you up. You said it yourself: wherever you go, there you are, so why not see a good therpist to help you come up with a strategy for handling your life? I think that when we are NOT NC with N relatives, we must get a strategy for dealing with them, so that we can prevent them from driving us crazy. It is our choice if we allow our family Ns to drive us crazy because now we are adults. Don't get me wrong, it's never easy to deal with our N relatives, but, it seems you feel tortured by your NM on almost a daily basis. I know you'd like the pain to stop.
Imagine if you could work with your NM every day and NOT allow her to get to you. It is possible to do this. I think one big issue for you is are you willing to give up the good hours and pay at your family store in exchange for not seeing & working with NM? This may mean less $, longer hours. On the other hand, what if you leave the store, take the waitress job and then find that the problems at that job also drive you crazy and you're making less $? What are you willing to give up? A good therapist can work w/you and help you figure out what is the best way for you to get peace of mid, which may lead to peace in your body (less PMS stuff).
Also, maybe the way you are approaching life makes it easy for Ns, like NM, N aunt and H, to push your buttons. A good therapist can help you learn how to not allow Ns to have easy access to your buttons so that Ns can easily push them. A good T can really teach you about boundaries, which will protect your buttons so that Ns won't have easy access to push them.
Sorry if I said anything out of line. I hope I don't sound like I'm dumping on you. I apologize if I sound that way, it's not my intent. I'm just thinking how you can re-position your life so that the emotional pain and physical pain could be reduced.
As far as dealing with my N relatives, I'm always putting up my boundaries to protect myself from them. It takes work, but it's worth it.
love,
ann
