Should I be angry, Dr. G?

[Overcomer]

My mom and I went to counseling.  She went first and I emailed him my concerns.  When I got there it was almost as if he was her mouthpiece.  I could tell the counseling was going to be one sided so I chose to not return.

Yesterday my mom and I had a conversation.  I admitted that I think I suffered from PMDD (a more severe form of PMS....)  She told me when we had our last fight and I basicallly yelled at her and told her she needed to retire and let me run the business, she left and went to this counselor.  She told him what she perceived as irrational behavior and he told her I might have Borderline Personality or be Bi Polar.

I am furious!!  Not only is he not a psychiatrist.  But he does not know me.  He only knows what my mother told him!!

Now my mom will NEVER leave the business because how in her right mind could she allow someone with bipolar disorder to be in charge!!

I have been thinking about emailing the counselor or calling him.  I feel he acted out of turn and I am FURIOUS!!

[Overcomer]

I want to tell him that not only has she got the general population duped, but she duped him as well.  I want to tell him that the only people in my mother's life who really know that she is the irrational one is the people who work with her day in and day out.

Also, my friends seem to think that if I didn't work with her, then my severe PMS would subside a bit because the source of my angst would not be there.....

[Overcomer]

Does anyone else know if this is not the right thing for a counselor to do???

[Ami]

Just want to say that I am sorry for your predicament. I have had several instances when counselors sided with my H b/c he was a professional in the community. I have been disillusioned with therapists,but I know there are good ones out there.   Love    Ami

[Izzy_*now*]

OC

Have you had a session with him? You ought to have a chance to have your say,otherwise he will always be on your Mom's side.

Am I right? Or did I miss something! Face to face. No email therapy!

...and go just as you, with no anger toward him for listening to an N.

Love Izzy

[Overcomer]

Iz-Yes I did have a session with him.  It was after he met with my mom.  His first topic was WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO CONTROL YOUR MOM.  Then he said that if she is the owner why dont I just do what she says?  When we bought the business it was mine.  She put $ in the business during a cash flow crunch and translated it into stock and took over.  I have never considered her in charge.  Nor have I considered her smart enough to call the shots.  She convinced him otherwise so I walked into a hostile

[Overcomer]

tt-Thanks for the input.  It is such a tangled web.  I choose not to get a lawyer involved about the business.  This business WILL fail after my mom uses her riches to pay for her lack of business acumen.  After she started using the bipolar language I am more determined than ever to find another job.  This is her latest ploy to keep me under her thumb while I do all the work and she takes all the credit.  I hate her so much.  It is frustrating because she can be so unstable and get away with it

[Gaining Strength]

Overcomer, did you see this therapist recently?

[Overcomer]

No, we went in the late summer I think.  But she goes back and "tells" on me and then he suggests I am borderline.  When she said that yesterday and then said, "oh, Kelly, you have got to do something about your mood disorder!"  Saying in no uncertain terms that I am so unstable that she will have to stay around until I can get "well."

The thing that irks me is I am the one who has had my nose in psychology books for years.  I google ever disease and pretty much can peg what people have (not diagnose but like to try to figure out why people act the way they do.)  I diagnose myself.  I know I am irrational during my time of the month and prior but I also knew it was not just PMS because it is this overwhelming negative energy coupled with severe cramps (almost like labor), moodiness, crabbiness, bitchiness.............so everything I read points to PMDD.  And although PMDD and Bipolar have some of the same characteristics, the one thing they do not have in common is that PMDD is cyclical.....bipolar is not and I am VERY cyclical!!!

So, no, I have not seen this counselor since I could tell at our first joint session that he was siding with her and had not taken my email seriously.  The reason I emailed him is because they told me that I could outline some things so we wouldn't waste the first hour going over my history.  He could read over the email and get the gist of where I was coming from.  But instead I walk in and he says, "why are you trying to control your mom?"  And I was like, WHAT??  He thought since I did not approve of how she did things and resisted them that I was trying to control her into doing things my way.  I told him that I just wanted her to do things the right way.  But it was too late.  She had painted me as a raving lunatic.

So I just googled stress and bipolar and it basically said that too much stress can trigger bipolar and now I am convinced that the added stress of being with her day in and day out has put me over the edge.

[Hopalong]

Kel, can you find a skilled, expert psychiatrist and go ask them to evaluate you?

They do exist!

I think you need an expert in your own corner. This is so painful.

I am really sorry you're going through this. Labels are used like knives, when people are not qualified.

Even if you do have a disorder of some kind, you know well you can get better.

love to you,
Hops

[Overcomer]

Thanks Hops.  I know it is not bipolar-It is pmdd.  I have an appointment with my doc who has always prescribed natural meds.  I do not know if hysterectomy is an option but I could use a way to get over this disorder!  I just need to get over this stress!  Everything I google points that I cannot handle this constant chinese water torture working arrangement anymore!  The longer I subject myself to her the fatter I will become and the sicker I will be.

[Ami]

Dear Kelly,
 
  I think you are normal and your M is an N and N's try to drive YOU crazy.
 My M tried to make me the crazy one.
 You have PMS problems and an NM. That is my gut feeling. Don't panic, Kelly.
 You have an N for a M. That is your problem. You have 'issues" ,but not a serious disorder, in my opinion.     Love   Ami

[Overcomer]

Thank you.  I went to a couple of friends at work and asked them if they saw any signs of bipolar-They both laughed.  I believe you Am-it is pms coupled with a crazy making n mom.

[finding peace]

(((((Dear Kelly)))))

First off, I am sorry you are having a tough time these days. 

I suffer horribly from PMS.  My doc tried me on low-dose Zoloft, and that helped.  There was some initial weight loss, then stabilization of weight.  I didn’t like the side-effects, so I stopped taking it.  They do have some good treatments for PMS now some of which I think you can take just at that time of the month.

Regarding the dx:  if I were in your shoes – I would be angry.

Was your mother paying the T (sorry to sound cynical, but the T may have been influenced by who was paying for the sessions).

I don’t see how a “real” dx can be made from an e-mail and one session.   BPD is a serious disorder, to arbitrarily label someone with BPD after one session?  To me, that smacks of extreme professional irresponsibility.

Kelly – your mom’s behavior - this is what Ns do.  This is how N parents act.  It is always your fault, you are always the one with the problem – of course it couldn’t be them or a mutual disconnect?

Crazy making, diversionary tactics at their finest. 

Reasonable people will try and work things out with you.  She isn’t trying to work things out, she is labeling you based on a cracker jack box diagnosis.

Armor on, mirror up – she is projecting on you – let it fly back to her.  I think it might be a tactic to unbalance you so that she doesn’t have to let go of the control at work?

If you are unsure and want to make sure that the dx is not accurate (although I don't think you need to do this) – seek out an independent 3rd party who is expert in BPD (I might be tempted to do this just to set your Mother and the T straight.)

(((((Sending cyber hugs, a heating pad, some vitamin B, and a nice tall glass of wine [if not wine, some warm tea?]))))))

Peace

[Overcomer]

I will take them all and I thank you for validating me.  I KNOW THIS IS TRUE and yet she will go along with her smug stupid arrogance-labeling me and denying any wrong doing.  I got a call out of via blue from a company today.  I had applied weeks ago and I needed that today.  I will return the call tomorrow!