Howr'e you doing, Hops?

[lighter]

Haven't seen you in a while.... hope you're not under siege.

[Hopalong]

Hey!
Thanks, Lighter, for checking on me.

I'm okay...feel a little crazed, but there may be good news. My brother's lawyer has recommended an "informal" meeting with me, my brother, my lawyer, and the guardian ad litem (temporary guardian--automatic because of my brother's petition) ... and my lawyer said it's a good thing. So we're meeting next Thursday. I have the sense that my brother's lawyer has tried to get him to realize he doesn't have much to stand on. We shall see, but I do feel good about my attorney.

I'm feeling a little crabby, I think because I had two more dates with my ex-T (SORRY, FRIENDS--I didn't take your advice!) and haven't heard from him this week. The reason I did it is that I asked a close friend, What are the chances that at my age (I'll be 58 soon) I should toss him away...and might look back one day and regret that I didn't give a good man with problems, a chance?

So I dunno where that's going, if anywhere. The silver lining is that my feelings about all that tell me that I'm not going to sit back and rot. Whether this moves forward or not, I do want TOUCH in my life, and there's no shortcut.

Have overnight guests coming, not in the mood. But I've been eating better, and exercising more...and all in all, it's still spring. And that's just unbelievable.

I am invested in the politics and that's chewing at me too...I want it over with!

These things are trivial, Lighter, how about you?

xo
Hops

[Ami]

Just my opinion, Hops. I would go out with the therapist, too, if I liked him. Sending peace to you, Hops.         Love   Ami

[Gaining Strength]

(SORRY, FRIENDS--I didn't take your advice!)
I need to dig up that thread.  I don't remember advising you against him.  I'm all for it.  You're a smart gal and know your own boundaries.  I think something is better than nothing, even a not so good something or a wounded something (anything but an abusive or neglectful something.)  That's coming from a someone with nothing.  IOW - go for it HOPS and enjoy!!!

[lighter]

Here's a lesson that's worth learning, Hops.

Better to live with consequences of your own decisions.....

than with those of other people who aren' going to be dealing with the consequences, KWIM?

You don't have to make excuses for your decisions to us.... we'll keep giving you our view bc you're our friend and it might be helpful.  That's the long and the short of it, frankly. 

I think it's important that you do what you feel YOU should do.....  skip any guilt/shame.  You have enough to deal with.

I spent a lot of time thinking about that yesterday, in fact..... so this is a timely subject: )

ps.... keep your guard up re brother, legal matter and everyone's attorney.  There's no comfort in becoming complacent with someone who'd lie, cheat, steal and commit crimes against you in order to have their way.

Be confident.

But prepare for the worst.

((Hops))  Thanks for checking in. 

[Leah]

(((((( Hops )))))))

You are ONLY 58 years young.

I know a lady who met someone and married, and there are so very happy together, best friends too, and she was more than 58 years young.

Her advice to me has been; "you can't rush in that which is in waiting for you"

She did not seek out or seek after, this lovely man, her best friend and wonderful new husband, they simply found each other.

The whole scenario truly warmed my heart, and renewed my faith in humanity.

Sincere thoughts of you, dear Hops.

Love, Leah

[Overcomer]

But be careful Hops because a lonely woman will overlook a world of hurt just to be with someone.  That is what I did.  My H is ok sometimes but I definitely hooked up with a person who is a few cards short of a deck-or at least MY kind of deck.  But sometimes I think I might be the problem.  So anyway peace be with you in the brother mom house thing and just take it easy with the guy-fools rush in-take it slow.  Kelly

[Ami]

As I was reading the replies,it hit me that we really are like a group of friends sitting arond in a circle ,sharing. Each has a diiferent viewpoint and life experience and that is what makes it so wonderful and "real"      Ami

[Hopalong]

Thank you all.

Ami, good to know I'm not the only boundary-basher! But since I didn't hear from him this week, I feel let down, and maybe that's a good thing. One thing I don't have too much patience for these days is lack of communication (more accurately, lack of effort to communicate), and being left hanging doesn't feel good so that helps me step back. Likely a very good idea.

Leah, I loved that encouraging story, very heartening. I need to make my peace (again) with the life I have...and find happiness either alone or with animals. A whole lot of this frustration is literally being touch-starved. It's not just sex or even mostly sex, I am mostly missing somebody to touch. I am very affectionate and love to touch people. Poor hypothetical guy, I'd be all over him the way I feel. But...the silver lining is, frustration's a great motivation to EXERCISE!

Lighter, thanks again for the thread, incomprehensibly kind. And you're right. No relaxing about my brother, who surely has not changed. Even though he may not prevail, his character will be the same either way. Thanks. Spine stiffened.

GS, thank you. What you said got me thinking, when I read it again. I am wondering if I am excusing his out-of-control display on our first date (anxiety driven, so I understand, but then, it still hurt me) with his retreat after our most recent (delightful) date. I don't know if those two things mean abuse or neglect, but they just might be harbingers. Hmm. Thank you, GS.

Kell, you just cut to the chase. A lonely woman will overlook a world of hurt. Thank you very very much. Now I am all propped up to be sensible. For at least a week!

Ami, tonight I go to my "3D VSMB" -- a covenant group I love a lot. It's led by an old friend and the women are wonderful. So I'll be better.

I love Sundays.
xxoo

Hops

[lighter]

A good stiff spine is exactly what you'll need to keep from being even more dissapointed by your brother's behavior.

He can't do any better.... or he would: (

[Ami]

Dear Hops,
 Your friend sounds like he has issues,but he sounds good, too. Who doesn't have issues  (lol)?
  He may have gotten temporarily frightened of his feelings for you,is my guess .
 I bet he has some fears of intimacy,but I think they are not insurmountable, especially if you use wisdom and intuition and don't push him faster than he can go.
 That is my intuitive feeling.Compost what does not fit, maybe the whole thing(lol)      Love   Ami

[Leah]

Leah, I loved that encouraging story, very heartening. I need to make my peace (again) with the life I have...and find happiness either alone or with animals. A whole lot of this frustration is literally being touch-starved. It's not just sex or even mostly sex, I am mostly missing somebody to touch. I am very affectionate and love to touch people. Poor hypothetical guy, I'd be all over him the way I feel. But...the silver lining is, frustration's a great motivation to EXERCISE!

Dear Hops,

I do sometimes wonder, what it would be like to be held in someones arms, with genuine love and care.  I have never known that, and do sometimes wonder, if I ever will.  So, I do understand, just a little, as I am also very much a loving, giving person, who would freely give and receive cuddles.  Never had cuddles, never had my hair stroked either.  Sadly, my exH did not like touch of any kind, no cuddles, no holding hands.  I just thought that was the norm, as I was only young and he was my first and only bfriend. 

Now, I am at the stage where I would like to perhaps date someone, which is why I opened up with my dear friend, who is much older and wiser than I, and truly understands inner loneliness, as her first marriage (she is a widow) was a lonely marriage.  Which gives me hope, that second time might bring happiness for me also.  Who knows? 

Just read your other thread about your church gardening buddy, yesterday, and wondering, if you have washed your cheek yet?  lol  (only jesting)

Love, Leah

[Ami]

Dear Leah
 That was a heart breaking description . You never had anyone stroke your hair? I think of my GM. I would lay my head on her shoulder and cry.
 She was so warm and loving.
 I am heart broken to hear you talk that way, Leah.
 Leah,Pray for God to send you a special man. I will,too.
Hops, I put you on the list, too, although the therapist seems good to me. Is that over or just a hiatus(lol)?    Love    Ami


((((((((Hops, Leah)))))))

[Hopalong]

Aww, Leah.
Definitely, you deserve hair stroking and cheek patting and loving hugs too.
I'm sorry you've gone so long unheld.
I do think it's a need.
We can get along without it, and even be happy, but I think some part of us has to shut down.

Ami, I didn't hear from him (former T) this week, so I'm bemused. But maybe he thought our
Terrific Date was some kind of conclusion. He's a minimalist emailer and I don't feel like
calling him, so I'm not worrying about it. I've had so many relationships where I felt rocky
about whether a man reciprocated, and I hope to never set myself up that way again.
Poor man was frying his circuits over it anyway, so I've let it go in my mind. If he wants
a relationship, then I guess he'll have to help make it happen. And I think it sets up too
much internal conflict for him, because of professional issues. That might be a good thing.

The "youngun" (45) is someone who makes me laugh, and we're sharing a garden adventure.
He's smart, sweet and tells great stories. Enough of an eccentric and rebel to make him interesting.
No serious fantasies, but it's just fun to be with him. And I was touched by the cheek kiss.
He could become a lover, a husband, or a roommate in a shared home if I ever do that.
Or just be a long-term friend. I enjoy knowing him. And I like that he's a nurse!

Having fun, but no expectations,
Hops

[Ami]

My guess, Hops, is he will call you this week. Let me know.                Hugs  Ami