Healthy community

[Ami]

Izzy
 You are a classic case of denial,better than any textbook. If you can live with it, more power to you, kid.     Ami

[Izzy_*now*]

Dear Amber
 I think you brought up a profound point.
 I think we are ALL playing out OLD dramas using each other. That and mainly that is what causes our fights.
 I am glad you brought up this point, Amber. It is good to see the futility of replaying old patterns.
          Ami

I couldn't help but notice, since I posted right after this, that Ami had changed this post twice, after the original. I sense she has no idea what she wants to say, which affliction can come to anyone, bur hers is omnipresent.

About what am I in denial, Ami?

Izzy

EDIT in...What is a classic case of denial? Is that a label in psychiatry? so you are labeling me?  With what, classic, case, or denial, or all three?

[Ami]

Demasiado, in Spanish, too much. Sorry ,Izzy, my shrink hat is retired. I ,still ,wish you well, but must resist if you try to play out your old dramas on me.   Blessings to you       Ami

[Ami]

Izzy
 I am sorry you are in so much pain that you have to go after me ,like this. What can I do? I can't help you. I am really sorry.    Ami

[Izzy_*now*]

No pain Ami
I just asked you questions that you cannot answer, or refuse to.
Then you pose a question to me.
What can you do? Nothing! I would suspect your advise would not be of any use.
Izzy

[Ami]

I am sure my advice would be of no use to you. I wish you well and I will leave it at that.    Ami

[sKePTiKal]

Ami:

I'm sorry you changed your post about only needing to be heard. About how all you need is someone to listen.

This is an important truth - in relationships with other people we each need to "hear" the other; to listen; to acknowledge. It is how we connect with other people and learn to share, to trust, and to care about ourselves and others. To be fair with each other.

When you ignore good advice given to you or say it doesn't apply to you ... or turn around aggressively to attack someone who is asking you to clarify something...

You are not listening; you are not accepting the other person's right to speak, to feel, to think for themselves; you are denying them what you say, you yourself need. That is an attempt to control; silence the other person; to dismiss the validity of what they feel, think, and ask and isn't fair.

Another important thing I'd like to say to you, Ami, before I become scarce:

My observations and opinions are about how you behave; the way I've seen you act - not about you, as person with potential to heal and become whole.

[Hopalong]

Ami and Izzy,

Respectully ask that if you would like to address chronic conflict or irritation, that you open a fresh thread and handle it there. See below for more thoughts on why, but my main reason is hoping for this thread to stay respectful, without jabs.

Amber and Ami,

Amber's post here included criticism but no sarcasm or baiting. Still, if Amber and/or Ami need to talk about Amber's post further, I'd be grateful if one of you could start another thread to air it out. Let's just skip lastworditis. Other members could post on your new thread in support, posing questions to help you resolve it or come to new boundaries, or whatever. That'd be ideal. But it's up to you.

This thread may bring up issues of conflict, that's natural. But once it's clear two are in conflict, I think it'd be good for those two to open a fresh thread. Then maybe each instance of conflict (or a pattern where patterns are identified) can be addressed more cleanly, and not infect the whole board.

I'd really this thread to stay on the general topic of board health, dominance, quantity-vs.-quality of posts, and other issues specific to rebuilding the health of the board for everyone.

thanks,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Will do, Hops.

[Ami]

Dear Amber
 I think it should have become clear to you a long time ago(Janet thread) that we did not resonate with each other. I thought I was clear in that stance.
 I am sorry you felt the  need to try to change me when I was not at all open to  it .
 It is a good lesson for you, I am sure.
 Decide ,first, if the person wants your input before you frustrate yourself in trying to give it.    Ami



Hops
 I have nothing more to say to Amber ,on the topic.

[tayana]

I have infrequently posted ever since nearly every thread seemed to erupt into some internal conflict.  The board has a very different feel than when I rejoined a year and a half ago, many of the people who were posting then, are no longer posting.  I don't think this constant drama and cries for attention are healthy, personally, and this is one reason I have avoided posting on the board.  Sometimes though, I like to hear opinions besides my partner's.  That is why I have posted a few things lately.

I am working on many of my issues in therapy.  My partner has a verbal cue she gives me when I slip into victim mode, and she forces me to talk when I don't want to.  I don't NEED the board, really, but I do like to come here and check in and update folks on my progress.

However, with each infrequent visit, I find more and more board conflict, most of it centered around one or two people who take every comment personally whether or not it is directed toward that person.  Then the accusations and flames start flying.  It's too much like living with my parents.  I keep hoping the board will return to the healthy, helpful place it once was, but so far that hasn't happened.

[Ami]

There are boards with more moderation, Tayana. Barbera Rogers has a wonderful board where there is no conflict at all, only support. Maybe ,that would work better for you. Good luck with it and I wish you well, if that is your choice.    Ami

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Amber.

Tayana, I hope so too.

Hope the discussion continues.

xo
Hops

[Izzy_*now*]

My apologies to you, Hopalong, for falling into an issue with another, on your thread.
I sign off
Izzy

[tayana]

Ami, I have made friends here, whose opinion I value.  All boards have conflicts from time to time.  Are you asking me to leave this board?  I only pointed out that with my infrequent visits the board seems to denigrate into continuous conflict and it never seems to return to a status quo situation.  I often read the first few pages of threads and think, "More bickering."  

As I said in my previous post, I don't really NEED the support of the board.  I have a wonderful partner and child, and a therapist who is helping me deal with my emotional problems.  I like coming to the board to discuss issues, reconnect with friends, and talking to people who truly understand what my family is like.  That is all.  If I wanted a board with more support, I guarantee I could find one.  In fact, the board at http://www.drirene.com/ is quite supportive and much more active.  I have posted there before.