Been feeling lousy

[Juno]

Carolyn, I guess I'm thinking even a professional person is going to have some opinions of their own.  And I'm thinking how I am--occasionally a person will just give me the creeps or antagonize me immediately and I just can't deal with them at all.  I guess I'm worrying over silly things.  I am not an aggressive or threatening person so there is no reason for her to take an instant dislike to me.  Well, unless I remind her of someone.  I have this knack or "talent" for not getting along with some women.  A tall or heavy woman will dislike me because I am small and relatively slim.  At least that's what I think it is.  Women "check me out" all the time and have said things like "I have that exact same shirt but it looks way better on you."  I don't know what it is about me for sure.  I can do some guesswork based on snide comments.... but I guess I don't really know what is going on in people's minds. 

See what I mean about having a whole week to get myself worked up?  I'm just in such a weak position these days.  Not even close to being my best self at all. 

Gjazz, I am going to take this leap of faith.  Whatever happens, I will either benefit from it or pick myself up and try something else.  I have looked up SAMe.  I found a lot of scientific articles which were over my head.  But it sounds like the studies they have were well-done.  I am hoping I can take something along with the talk therapy. 

I tried chromium picolinate based on an article I read a couple of years ago talking about the kind of depression some people have where they come out of it when around cheerful people.  That kind of fit me so I tried it then and it seemed like it worked.  Recently tried it again and it seemed like it made me feel unwell.  So, I looked it up again today and the science is not as clear with chromium.  It talked a lot about insulin.  I'm not sure what to do.  I'm kind of lax on taking medications.  I'll take it for awhile then, when I feel better, I forget about it.

I will keep in mind the SAMe as it sounds more promising than the chromium picolinate.  Maybe she will try to find out what kind of depression I have.

I feel like I'm going into this with "back-up"!  I would very much like for this to get me on the right path.

[gjazz]

So glad to hear you are going in bravely.  I wish I had, many years ago.  As for SAMe, I was willing to give it a try because I dislike taking pharmaceuticals (I'm one of these California people, into natural remedies).  In February I set a program for myself, starting out with 800mg of SAMe  (I now take only 400) and one-half hour of exercise per day.  Exercise can be walking, biking, swimming, anything. The result was that at the end of the day, I'd gotten more done, and slowly I started catching up to where I wanted to be.  The SAMe made me dizzy and lightheaded for about a week when I first started taking it (which at least showed it was having an effect!) and a couple of weeks in, I woke up one day in a genuinely good mood.  I've had a few deep dark moments since then--we all have those, being human--but the seemingly endless pattern was broken.  Of course I can't say if it will work for anyone else, only that it had a relatively quick effect on me, is inexpensive (about 50 cents per day, for 400mg) and clinical trials have found no major side effects.  A little upset stomach, and as I said, I was mildly dizzy at first.  That's it!

Good luck going forward.  I hope your new therapist provides comfort and answers and guidance.

[Certain Hope]

Dear Juno,

I do understand. And Gjazz is right... you are going forward so bravely!
Maybe everyone doesn't have times of feeling extra sensitive, but Isure  do... and I know what you mean.
It's alot less now that I'm not so preoccupied with other folks' actions and reactions.
Sounds like you have had plenty of experience around women who may be... envious( ?) of your qualities? Or they feel threatened in some way?
By the way, I have never understood that sort of "I have the same ____ as you, but...." comment, followed by the look.... like... how dare you have it, too?   lol
Who has time for that stuff? Half the time, I don't even notice what someone is wearing. Just really not that observant.

And I don't know, but at times when I've felt very unsure of myself and gone about expecting difficulties with people... well...
do you think maybe you adopt a sort of poker-faced expression?  I used to. Still do, at times, with people I don't trust.
Sometimes I've wondered about it.. as though there's a giving off some sort of signals, maybe.
Certain people seem to pick those up in a slanted way, and they're intimidated?
Little do they know that you're just trying to get over your next hurdle and struggling along like everyone else.
Really, I don't know...  and some people are going to be miserable and try to treat us miserably no matter what sort of expression and vibes we're giving off, so I'm not suggesting that you greet everyone with a big grin or anything.  It's all kinda a mystery to me, too.

I've only recently heard of the SAMe product, but was curious about it, too.
Things get a bit dark for me when I'm not constantly swamped with "to do's" and I'd like to turn that around.
Will do some research on it and may consider giving it a trial, too.

And Juno, you're at a time of great change... in flux, you know?  Sometimes being at your "best self" may just mean that all the old defenses are fully functioning... and that is not necessarily the healthiest place to be.  It can feel really naked as those mechanisms drop away, but if they didn't... there'd be no room for the new, better stuff to move in. At least that is - ahem - my theory.

((((((Juno))))))

Love,
Carolyn

P.S.  Hi Gjazz... and thank you for bringing up the SAMe product. Good to meet you here!  Carolyn