Hi Kelly, before anything else, can I say: I think you’re brave, I think you’re real and human. And you’ve proved you can be a success and that you can survive, that’s done. Talking like you have done, reading our replies, isn’t necessarily easy. The more odd, strange ideas about yourself (and your mother) that you can consider, the better. How about this one:
Your mother is quite happy being who she is. Do you want to make her unhappy by causing her to change? She likes her life. She enjoys the limelight. She needs it. Without it she’ll be unhappy and lonely. Do you want to see that happen?
What is the problem? Where is the problem?
When you live in your parents' shadow it is hard to feel good about your accomplishments.
That’s true. We can live in our parents’ shadows both physically (at work) and in our heads - trying to be better than them, different to them, trying to prove something
in relation to them.
In relation to them. Once we can stop doing anything
in relation to our parents, we’ve cracked it. I haven’t yet. But I’m learning. Your mother is not your problem. It’s your concept of your mother, your ideas about her, that need to change? You’re not wrong – you’re just not concentrating on yourself. Your mother’s life has nothing to do with you. Even paying the education fees: get her to pay them direct through the banking system, or to the child, cut yourself out of the loop. It wouldn’t mean you aren’t grateful etc, it simply indicates that she is doing it because she wants to – and that her generosity doesn’t depend on your being grateful. Once you stop feeling controlled by her (and it’s up to you to do that, to change your thoughts and feelings, it’s not up to her to change) – life will so much simpler, calmer, clearer.
I had been there a long time and knew I was one of the best.
You’ve proved yourself to yourself. You did it, you succeeded. Do you need your mother to recognise it too? It would be nice, but it might not happen and it’s not worth fighting for.
Also, nobody is going to come along and say: “you’re right Kelly, your mother is wrong and we’re going to do it your way instead of hers”. It’s not going to happen. What if it did? Your mother might be shattered. Her confidence – the little she really has – would be gone. Do you see how pathetic she is?
At this job I am vetoed at every turn by you know who!
It feels like a struggle of some sort. Maybe your struggle for love and recognition from her, but maybe she sees it as a fight for heading the business. I get the impression that you’re more adult than she is, more mature, more self-aware. So you have to take responsibility for your own happiness, your sense of worth. You don’t want the prize for most embittered employee? That’s where it could end, if you don’t let it go. And letting it go is
in your head – it’s not solved by moving job alone.
I don’t know you Kelly, I’ve read your posts that’s all. What I’ve written may not apply, it may be wrong. A lot of it applies to me in the past. Yes this is a disclaimer! Hope some of it helps you to think about things differently. Cheers, lottery symbolism guest
