Update. Learning everyday.

[Lupita]

My mother sent me an e mail telling me how bad she felt because I only go to our country to take care of me. I felt bad only for a few minutes. I wrote her back that it has been raining here and the weather was not helping. That was it. I did not eat the bait of the provocation to tell her that ot was her the one that was making me feel bad. I guess that is what she wanted so we can engage in a battle and say that I am bad.

Bud I did not. I still feel a little bad but I think I am learning. Just very slowly.

[Ami]

I think that the thing about the NM is that she is against nature. That is why it is so hard to really believe and let go. In nature, the mother takes care of the baby with her life ,if need be. The NM tries to steal the very soul from the child.
 I really don't believe it either, in my deepest heart.         Ami

[Hopalong]

About guilt trips...for Lupita:

http://www.isnare.com/?aid=100465&ca=Womens+Interest

Grieving makes sense, Lup...I am glad you are letting it express itself.

When it passes (a few more waves, then at some point, it really will be done), then you will be released and free to find happiness that is only happiness, not happiness as defiance.

hugs,
Hops

[Lupita]

CB, dear CB,dear CB, it is so encourageing to hear you. I wish you were here to tell me positive things. I might end up believeing you!


Lupita!

Are you home now????  Are you SOOO beautiful???


Yes, I am "Home" but it is my address, but my home? I do not feel home anywhere.


I almost had surgery several years ago to repair my tummy after several babies....but the divorce intervened and now it seems way too out of reach financially.  I am so happy for you and I know you look wonderful.




I am sorry you did not comply with that. It is good. Good for your mentasl health and for your physical health too.  It is never too late. Maybe you cand o it with my doctor for half the prcie of what it costs in the US.




I understand how hard it is for you to go NC, Lupe.  Your whole culture is completely the opposite of that....there are other options for you--painful ones, not-easy ones, but you can do it.  You are stronger than you know.


Gosh, you know what I am talking about. I am looking for aproval from a woman who is not able top give aproval. It is absurd.




I wish I was there to say different things to you than what you are saying to yourself:  you are NOT always in the same place.  You are NOT always being treated the same way.  And you are NOT the same person you were when you came on the board. 

Do you love your house by the ocean, still?  Will you be there again this year?  I have found a new apartment that makes me feel so good when I come home... I think of you in your dream house and I expect it is a huge boost to your mood when you know you are coming home.  I hope you are there now...being away from the old home and the old STUFF is going to help so much.



I ended up disliking my place. Reason, winter is too long. Ocean is cold. In my town where I come from, ocean is hot all year long. Here where I live, ocena is cold almost all year long. Just the scean is not enopugh for me. I have to be able to enjoy the water. So, the winter here is horrible, it becomes a ghpost town, nobody around, lonely, empty, and summer it is a pandemonium, so many people, the traffic is horrible, and the ocean is wonderful but half of the summer is raining. So, at the end, I am eating macarrony and chees to be able to pay for this luxory apartment for just a few days of usable beach.


I decided to move close to my work, I will save 300 dollars a month in gasolin and rent.



I am recovering little by little from my trip. It really put me down that my sister and my brother are completely blind, in darkness and zombies and the most I tell them about the truth the most they think I am paranoid. That really made me very depress.

So, I am in the process of greiving that I do not have a family, that I do not count on them for moral support, or for normal love. I have to accept that. They treat me as if I was inferior, they talk to me as if I was inferior, they consider me inferior. They consider them selves as special.


So, I am there. I tried meditaion today for the ifrst time in a year, I am listening to Wayn Dyer one hour a day and enjoying my greiving and my sadness, You have to go through that to be able to heal. Or so I think.

Thank you for your response CB123. Miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ann3]

Great article on guilt trips.  Yes, the key is letting go of our need to be validated by another person and that's hard to do since we've been groomed to need other's validation.

Lupita, I think grieving our losses is very helpful.  It's hard to realize what we've never had from the start (like a loving family).  Perhaps the losses we grieve include both the realization that we never had a loving mother, we thought we did, but now we see we don't & never did:  it's all been an illusion or delusion.  And, it feels strange to greive when no one has died.

As we move thru our grief, what we have left is us, ourseleves and we stand on our own, a little taller & stronger, realizing we do not need to be validated by our mothers or anyone else.  We only need to be validated by ourselves.

[sKePTiKal]

ah... ((((((((((Lupita)))))))))))).

I know what this realization feels like. But, you're not alone. A lot of us have felt this and still do, sometimes.
It will all be OK and the real HOPE exists on the other side of giving up the hope that just can't be.

Be extra specially kind to yourself now... it's what you NEED.

[Lupita]

Just wanted to aknowledge your responses and to tank you for your imputs.

Love,


Lupita