I'm not as scared as I used to be, but I think that's because I really have let it go. I don't expect anything to happen. It might, might not, and life just got bigger than my fantasies, which I'm ultimately glad about.
In my most recent "boyfriend" thing...which ended for sensible reasons and for which I grieved like mad but this time only for a couple weeks, not months or worse (tremendous progress!! and we're still good friends, which I never knew how to transition to before) -- I remember he said on one of our first outings something like, "Isn't it great, we don't have to worry about stuff like getting married..."
With no planning and with confidence (qualifies as a miracle) I immediately said:
"Speak for yourself! I'm DYING to get married! I want to marry again and I want somebody to absolutely adore me and I want the happiest relationship ever!"
It was funny, we both laughed, but I remember thinking how GOOD that felt--to just tell the truth and not try to suppress or disguise or maneuver.
After all, I never said I wanted to marry HIM. (I'm still open to meeting Mr. Wonderful, but not "trying".)
Hops