Blackie/Whitie

[Ami]

BAD includes a lot of things. This morning her H told her s/thing and she acted  concerned when she could have cared less. That is a perfect example of BAD.

Mother hated HYPOCRITES .One of BAD's big parts is being a HYPOCRITE in Mother's way of looking.

[Ami]

The big baddie is that you are alone. That is the big Kahuna. It is under social interplay's  like a volcano  It erupts when tragedies happen.  
 Whities next assignments are  boundaries and aloneness.
Of course, she has to unravel  BAD until it eventually evaporates and blows away. God Willing.

[Ami]

Is it SELFISH if you are for yourself, first? Is it healthy? Is it how it must be? Life doesn't work if you are not, right?
It is complicated coming up from the hole

[Ami]

Whitie made some progress. She talked to her girlfriend for a long time.Female relationships  bring up feelings about Mother.
It is hard. Mother overlies all woman ,for Whitie, maybe except GM types. Those might be OK.
Whitie is ready to go forward with female relationships cuz all woman are not like Mother, of course. Whitie wants wonderful woman in her life and her friend is one.
 They can discuss Mother stuff and how Mother's intrude on everything . Whitie is ready to let Mother go as the template for all women.
 It feel scary even to write about it cuz Mother so terrified Whitie. 
 Whitie has never really been hurt ,in real life, by a female friend. She picks wisely cuz she has good instincts. It is more a matter of old feelings coming out. She is gonna let them come out.

[Ami]

White's BAD is the killer. She sees that now. Healing has a shape, a path.She has to go in to BAD and see what makes it up: the distortions.

[JudyK]

Oh, Ami!
  I guess I am really tired. Thought you were talking about pets for awhile!  LOL. 
  Everything you have posted here, is so profound!    Judy

[Ami]

Oh, Ami!
  I guess I am really tired. Thought you were talking about pets for awhile!  LOL. 
  Everything you have posted here, is so profound!    Judy

Thank you Judy, so much!                                     Ami

[Ami]

Seeing the BAD is a relief. At least, Whitie has something concrete to focus on.Life seems easier, more manageable , more hopeful.
Mother used to feel shame for all sorts of things.
When Whitie was young, she was amazed how Mother could feel  shame over  dumb things like the pitcher you put the cream in.
 Whitie knows how that feels. Whitie gets "on", too."On' means looking good, in a serious way.
 God Forbid, something is out of place ;Whitie could crash  .

[Ami]

Mother said she thought she was BAD, a monster, could hurt people. Mother's self concept was in the toilet, you could say.
 Whities  hurts for Mother but Mother is like a tiger who could pounce in the instant you are not watching. It is how it is.

[Ami]

Mother could not help it: Father, too
They were victims of their circumstances as I was.
 Mother tried really hard on many things.
 She did not think right :way,way down deep.
 Whitie knows what that is like cuz she was lost for a  long  time,too.

[Ami]

Whitie has always had a Fairy God Mother  Wonderful people have  come in to Whitie's life as gifts from the time Whitie was young until now.

[Portia]

Waving back, Ami.

She can navigate the Board pretty well. Some people like her, some don't. She can stand up when needed, walk away when needed, use her voice when needed, shut up when needed.
 That is what she wants to do in REAL life.Is that too high of a goal?

Interesting Ami. I have in the past found the board wayyyyyy more difficult than real life, many % points over what ordinary RL is like  thousands % points over This is TRUE.

Real life is a breeze by comparison. Now.

<gives gratitude in abundance>   <that is also true  x

[Ami]

Waving back, Ami.

She can navigate the Board pretty well. Some people like her, some don't. She can stand up when needed, walk away when needed, use her voice when needed, shut up when needed.
 That is what she wants to do in REAL life.Is that too high of a goal?

Interesting Ami. I have in the past found the board wayyyyyy more difficult than real life, many % points over what ordinary RL is like   thousands % points over This is TRUE.

Real life is a breeze by comparison. Now.

<gives gratitude in abundance>   <that is also true  x

Dear Portia,
   My friend says the Board is just as hard as Real Life, too. He says that RL is easier ,in the sense that people hide their deeper feelings more. However,the   Board is easier in that you have more time to respond.
 I have learned  many lessons on the Board for which I will be forever grateful to Dr G for. He lets us "do our thing".
 I was on a more moderated Board and any time conflict came, a moderator would come in and smooth it over. It felt like school with the principal looking over your shoulder.You could not learn , freely.
 Often, I look at a 3D group and imagine it is the Board with all the different characters we have here. I will think that s/one is like this Board person or that Board person.
 I love to see your posts on my thread!               xxoo   Ami
 
 

[Ami]

Whitie has been exhausted  trying to come out of distortions. When she sees the silliness  of the distortions she says'This old thing" but until then the distortion has her by the short hairs, excuse the expression .

Yes , the distortions seem so real and so true until Whitie sees them and then she says "Pooh, that old thing". It is like people finally seeing Satan. They say,"That little nothing ...."

[Ami]

The distortions seem to leave so slowly. Why can't they  speed away, leaving Whitie clean and pure and healthy.
 Whitie wants to say "Pooh, that is just human nature" as my Aunt says.
 My Aunt says "Pooh" and Ray says "Pooh". Whitie wants to say "Pooh" and go on with being a normal person, too.